Never Look Back
by garnetcitrine
Summary: He promised to love her forever. He promised to cherish her, to support her for the rest of their lives. But what if Edward lied? What if he did something unforgiveable in Bella's eyes? Most importantly, what if things are not as they seem?
1. PROLOGUE

**DISCLAIMER: All these characters and rights belong to Stephanie Meyer, I'm simply playing with them for a while. This story line is mine, though. Do not copy it. **

**A/N: In case you were all wondering, this IS "Like We Never Loved At All" but a few things have been revised and removed b/c it came to my attention that this story was rather similar to another author's. Don't worry though, everything's good now. :D **

**I promised I'd have this sucker back up by Christmas and it isn't even Halloween. I'm very proud. haha. **

* * *

"Honey?"

His soft voice came from the doorway behind me, unexpectedly making me jump.

I whirled around and faced him, not bothering to hide what I was holding.

_Two years. _

What did they mean to him?

Surely a whole heluva lot more to me than him.

Two years of _loving…_

Two years of promises of a future together. Of a family.

Gone. With one. Single. Pair of panties.

His expression was happy, content even, but that was before he saw what I was holding. His green eyes traveled slowly to the object in my hand, his face going from happy to confused to fearful.

That answered my question for me. The fear—the _guilt_—in his eyes said it all.

I hadn't expected him to come home this early, but now that he had, I couldn't even pretend everything was okay. His face—it almost killed me to look at him now.

_We'd never be the same. _A voice inside me screamed.

"Bella…" His voice cracked.

I shook my head to keep him from going on, holding up my hand.

"How long?" My voice did not waver on these two words as I brought my eyes to his.

"Bella—"

"How fucking long, Edward?"

Truth being told, I didn't even care how long. I didn't want to hear him say it. So when he didn't answer, ducking his head, I let it go. I could see his eyes watering from here, his expression as pained as I'd ever seen it.

Good. I wanted him to hurt.

I looked down to the pink lace panties in my hands, unable to meet his tortured gaze any longer. I couldn't think clearly—not at all—and even though my mind told me not to do anything rash, my heart screamed out in aguish at the lie of it all. Was he pretending this whole time?

_Did he use me? _

The tears entered my eyes before I could stop them. The thong seemed to be glowing in my palm, screaming at me. 

I vaguely remember a tall, statuesque strawberry blonde that had showed up at our wedding, claiming she was an 'old friend' of Edward's.

I remember him saying he was going to be late coming home, that he had a business meeting out of town to attend.

I was too blind to see that he was having an affair.

It wasn't until I'd found Tanya's number in his phone that I had my answer.

"I can explain—"He began, his voice hysterical.

Before I could think I glared at him—showing all my hatred and pain through my eyes. He staggered backwards at the look—his face shocked like I'd punched him, or slapped him.

Good. I wanted him to know how much this was breaking me.

"Bella please—"He whispered, choked. "It's—what will I say to mom and dad..?" He pleaded with his eyes.

My lower lip trembled and I longed for his arms around me more than ever—for his comforting embrace to take all the pain away.

But at the same time I wanted to hit him—to punch him in the stomach and kick him in the balls—not that doing that would match or even come close to the pain I felt in that moment.

I shook my head to clear it, trying to get my bearings. I stood in the bedroom of the house we bought—just down the hall was the bathroom that we picked out the color scheme and curtains together. Down the grand staircase there was a chandelier hanging over a large carpet—one we picked out together at a flea market before we got engaged. To the left of that a living room, the T.V large, just like he'd wanted, with furniture we both agreed would fit the vibe of the house. Modern, expensive. He was well-paid. He was a surgeon in the good ole town of Forks, the best one next to his father. Not to mention the inheritance he had set up for him the moment he turned 18 from his _real_ parents, Edward and Elizabeth Masen.

And sitting on his large, expensive bed in the living room, our new puppy Jake probably sat chewing on one of his rubber toys, oblivious that his "mommy and daddy" were about to self-destruct.

I refused to be the woman who mooched off her husband—so I wrote for a living. It was peaceful, out of the home, but I still felt useful—and he still felt as though he was supporting me, something he said that as a husband it was his duty to do.

We lived a picturesque life—or so I'd thought. Truth be told, I could do without the large television or the stainless steel kitchen. I could even do without the canopy bed he'd bought me for our first anniversary, claiming I was his 'princess' and I should be living as one.

What a crock of bullshit.

"I'm leaving." I announced softly, gesturing to the suitcase already unzipped and open on the bed.

"No!" He cried, more emotion in his voice than in the past five minutes. "No, Bella no! Please Please! I love you, darling! I need you! Please, Bella."

Tears came to my eyes without my permission as he moved forward to grab both of my hands in a pleading gesture.

"We can work this out, Love. Please! I can explain… I just…please, Bella. I have no idea what to be without you! You're everything to me. You're _everything_! You _always_ have been!" He was sobbing now, his eyes filled with remorse.

And that was what motivated me to pry his hands off my own, and to jerk away from him so his head was no longer on my shoulder, his tears staining my shirt, his bronze hair tickling my cheek.

"I'm leaving." I said again, just as flatly, walking over to my drawers and pulling out the first things I could find.

I'd be good for a few weeks with the things I'd grabbed—and that would give me enough time to cool off so I could come back for the rest—I don't know who I was trying to kid, I'd _never_ be okay. The pain was enough to make me strong, though, and I wouldn't break in front of him.

And I wasn't just losing my best friend—I was losing a second family. His family. I was losing a sister, Rosalie, who at first had been cold and distant but had grown into one of my greatest friends, a mother, a father and a brother, Emmett, who looked like a body-builder but was actually just a teddy bear. His cousin, Alice, the only true friend I'd ever had. And… a husband. I tried not to linger too much on that thought.

I was zipping my suitcase when I felt the cold fingers on my elbows, tentative, almost as if he was afraid I'd pull away.

"Please." He whispered, agonized, broken.

And for a split second I almost turned around and tucked myself into his embrace. I almost pushed his messy hair off his forehead and looked into his piercing green eyes—perfect for his strong nose and jaw. I almost kissed away the tears that had run out of his eyes—almost brought my lips in for a kiss that I knew would be like fire igniting fuel.

But that would be like pouring raindrops back into a cloud.

"I have to go." I murmured instead, pushing him away from me and walking to the bathroom. I grabbed my toothbrush and shampoo, and my brush and my conditioner.

I walked quickly down the hall and down the steps, clutching my suitcase and toiletries so hard I thought I would very well snap them in two.

I was getting ready to open the front door when a pale hand flashed out to stop me.

"I've only ever loved you, Bella. Only _you."_ Was his broken whisper as I jerked the door open.

I turned, taking in his stricken face and his puffy eyes, then I looked around him, taking one final look at the house with all the reminders of our life together.

"Then you shouldn't have fucked Tanya, Edward."

With that I slammed the door, getting into my black Audi and throwing my things into the back. I hardly noticed I was soaked because it was pouring.

I slammed into reverse so hard the tires squealed like human screams, and flew down the long driveway that eventually lead to the interstate.

The last thing I saw in my rearview mirror was Edward standing in the middle of the driveway, his wet clothes sticking to his body. I quickly looked away and slammed on the gas—suddenly needing to get very far away from here—from _him._

_

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**Don't get too mad yet. **

**Remember, i'm a HEA author. 3**

**Make sure you all check out my blog: http/(:)robstenlovestoryrachaelp(dot)blogspot(dot)com for teasers and new stories. **

**Until next time...**


	2. My Forever

**Disclaimer: These characters (every single one of them) belong to Stephenie Meyer. Unfortunately, I only get to play dress-up with them. **

**A/N: Well, I'm a little late for a Thanksgiving gift but...:D**

**I'm not too sure about the names in the chapter yet... I might take it down and change some things later, who knows?**

**Anyhow, hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! (I'll probably be posting Chapter 3 around Christmas, maybe sooner)**

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Bella: 17 Edward: 19

_**Summer 2001**_

"Alice!" I scowled at my friend and she ignored me as she put yet another coat of lipstick on my dry lips.

"Oh, don't be such a baby!" She tsked, fluffing my hair.

"It's just a party! There will be sweaty people and junk food, Alice, why do I have to dress up?"

She looked at me in mock horror. "You were planning on wearing…" She paused for dramatic effect, "a ponytail, weren't you?"

I rolled my eyes. "There is nothing wrong with a ponytail, Al."

"Yeah, maybe when you're a…_pony_."

At this we both giggled.

"Where's Jasper, Anyway?" I murmured. Alice's boyfriend—a year older than I—just like Alice, was usually hanging around wherever Alice was.

"He's with Emmett and Edward at football practice, and I can bet a hundred dollars they'll come back filthy." She rolled her eyes. "Men."

I looked up at her suspiciously in her vanity mirror.

"Edward?" I quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah." She said a little too non-chalantly.

I groaned. She'd been going on a rampage lately, trying to get Edward and I to hook up.

Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen and I had been best friends since I was in Kindergarten and he was in the first grade. All it took was one day on the playground, a bully, and Edward—as always—being my knight in shining armor. We were inseparable from then on.

Despite the one year age difference we were always close, even though he'd graduated high school a year ago while I was just a senior. He was enrolled at U-dub (University of Washington) at the moment—not that the Cullens weren't fabulously wealthy and couldn't afford a better school, and not that he didn't get accepted to some of the finest places in the country, but because he claimed he wanted to stay close to home.

He'd told me one night in his mother's garden that it was because he was waiting for me to finish high school so that wherever he went, I could go, too. It was sweet moments like that when a deep feeling in my stomach started to flutter, that I wondered if I could have feelings for Edward Cullen.

Alice had taken new interest in our lives, though, claiming that being his 'younger sister' she had to at least try and manipulate him into a few relationships. Something about leveling the playing field. Whatever_ that_ meant.

It's not that I didn't find Edward attractive—I mean, who wouldn't? Somewhere between the piercing green-gold eyes and prominent cheekbones, full lips and just-rolled-out-of-bed-sex-hair, with a leanly muscled body from a few seasons on the high school football team, and a charming smile and attitude, no one could really resist him. He was the most popular guy at school last year, easily since Emmett had gone off to college the year before, and had plenty of friends. He always put me first, though, something that had always made me happy. Because I put him first, too.

But honestly, having been his friend for however many years—I really didn't think it was possible for us tothink of each other as 'more than friends.' Not that I didn't want to, per se, but just because I didn't really know how to be more than his best friend.

Alice claimed differently, though, saying that we spent all our time together anyway, why not just make it official and add a few make-out sessions? These conversations usually ended with me red-faced, tongue tied, and bribing Alice to stop talking about it by promising her a shopping trip.

She was easy to please.

"Alice…" I warned, giving her a look that clearly meant no funny business. "I have a boyfriend."

She scoffed loudly. "You could hardly call him a boyfriend."

I scowled at her. "Don't talk about Tyler like that, Ali. He just...likes to have a good time is all."

She looked at me pointedly through the mirror. "He's not a good influence at all."

"I'm seventeen." I murmured defensively. "And I don't want you to make him feel uncomfortable like last time."

She rolled her eyes. "Puh-lease, Bella, when have you ever known me to make people uncomfortable?"

I looked up from the magazine I'd picked up and met her eyes.

She giggled. "Alright, don't answer that."

* * *

"JAZZY!" Alice squealed, and a few people turned to look at us, shocked such a loud noise could come from someone so small.

She ran up to him and jumped into his arms, kissing all over his face.

I rolled my eyes and walked over to where Emmett and Edward sat on the couch, their faces contorted in disgust as they watched the scene unfold before them.

"They're not for someone with a soft stomach, are they?" I asked, sitting down between the two boys.

"Please." Edward scoffed in his velvet voice, just as I reached over to take some chips out of the dish on the end table in front of us. "No one should have to see that."

"Seriously." Emmett agreed, trying to look anywhere but at them, rubbing his eyes. "Especially us. I really have no interest in seeing my little sis suck face with a _LOSER_." He raised his voice so Jasper could hear, prompting Jasper to let go of Alice so he could flip Emmett off.

Alice scowled toward us.

"If you don't like it, then you can always go find something else to do." She said, just as Jasper tucked her under his arm. I had to admit, they were an adorable couple.

Tyler picked just then as the perfect moment to make his appearance.

I didn't even have to turn to figure out that he'd stepped into the room.

Edward tensed beside me, just like he always did, and his jaw flexed minutely. His body turned sideways, almost like he was shielding me.

I frowned at him, but he couldn't tell as he wasn't looking at me.

I couldn't be sure, but I thought I heard Edward growl quietly from deep in his throat.

"Hey, Edward." I said, my voice measured, trying to keep from getting pissed. "Where's Jessica?"

I felt the couch shift beside me before he could answer and I turned, smiling broadly.

"Hey, babe."

His answering smile was just as wide, but his eyes were bored.

"Hello."

And just like that the conversations of my friends picked up again, but I wasn't surprised. This was the way it had always been when I'd brought a boyfriend to one of our parties.

Eventually Tyler and I made our way into the kitchen, away from the awkwardness and hostility.

If I was being honest, I had no idea how I'd ended up with him. My mother's theory was that I was very much attracted to people who were bad for me.

It was the typical _kid-on-drugs_ story.

No father figure, mother could care less, eventually he got with the wrong people. He'd never done anything in front of me, though, or even mentioned it. Ever. I wasn't stupid, though. I knew.

He breathed a sigh of relief when we were alone.

"I don't think your friends like me much." He offered, going over to the fridge to pull out a Coca-Cola.

"You think?" I chuckled, taking a sip after him.

He made a face.

I put my arms around him from behind and hugged him tightly. "You guys just move in different circles, that's all. Give them time."

"We've been dating for four months." He said flatly, turning around in my arms and wrapping his own around me.

At this I had to laugh. "You're right. They were doomed to hate you from the beginning."

He rolled his eyes. "I've never done anything to any of—"

He was cut off by Edward's furious voice. "YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

I tried to stop him, but in my shock I hesitated, and Edward was fast. Tyler was suddenly ripped out of my arms by my best friend.

He had him by the collar and up against the wall in no time.

In the same moment Emmett grabbed Edward from behind, wrapping his thick arms around him and squeezing tightly, shoving him backward.

"Edward!" Alice screamed, horrified. "What the hell are you doing?"

"_Him_," Edward seethed, pointing, and I could almost see the steam rising out of his ears.

"What the fuck have I ever done to _you_?" Tyler shouted, eyes wild.

"_Her_," Edward growled, pointing towards me. "Don't you ever touch her, again. Do you understand me? Don't you ever fucking touch her_ again_!"

I knew it was time to step in.

I put myself between the two guys, one hand on Tyler's chest and the other on Edward's—even though Emmett had him covered.

"Stop it!" I screamed at them. "_Stop it now_!"

Everyone seemed to get quiet.

"Why can't you guys just get along, huh? Why can't you just fucking accept that he and I are dating! And he's not going anywhere anytime soon!"

Edward's chest heaved with exertion, his sparkling green eyes danced with hatred.

He was magnificent.

Emmett's voice rose above the chaos. "Edward, man, you need to go outside and get some air. Take a breather, bro."

Edward huffed but relented, and when Emmett lowered his arms I tensed and moved in front of Tyler. Edward narrowed his eyes but left quietly, and everyone seemed frozen for a moment.

This wasn't the first time Edward had pulled something like this. Last time was at homecoming, and after he had almost single-handedly won the game, he had confronted Tyler in the parking lot.

It had ended a lot like this, by Emmett telling Edward to get his head, then me leaving and going back to Tyler's and sitting on his couch watching TV.

Edward would call me later and apologize, and I'd relent because I was weak. And he was my best friend. And best friends forgave each other.

But this time, I was pissed. _Livid_, even.

I stalked out of the room and to the backdoor, throwing it open and stomping out.

I knew exactly where he'd be.

I could find this place in the dark, hell I could probably find it blindfolded and gagged.

It was our place. The place we could go anytime.

It was our meadow.

He didn't disappoint. He was laying on his back, looking up at the sky and fisting the grass with his long fingers.

He heard me approach.

"I'm so—" He started, but I cut him off.

"Oh, no _no no you don't!"_ I chirped, pissed. He stood up and walked toward me, getting only inches away before I started stepping back. "_Edward_!" I warned, in my best threatening tone possible. "You are_ NOT_ going to get out of this one. Do you understand me? He's done nothing to you! Nothing! And you can't wait to make his life as_ difficult _as possible! That shit stops now! If I even see you talking to him, you and I aren't friends anymore." My chest heaved and my eyes stung.

He looked like I'd just slapped him. "Bella.."

"_Shut up_!" I screamed, and he cringed. "You asshole! You have a _girlfriend_! Do you understand what that means? That means you can't be jealous that I have someone too! That means you can't just fucking make me feel like shit about him! You can just make me feel like I'm cheating on you every single time I kiss him! You can't make me feel like you're the only person in this world I can ever love!"

His mouth hung agape and his green eyes shone in the night.

And before I could think, before I could even stop myself, I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind. "You know, you're kind of fucking beautiful right now."

He stared at me for a few moments before a slow, self-assured smirk lit up his face.

"Beautiful? Really, Bella? Not sexy, not handsome, not masculine? But _beautiful_?" He smiled sadly and pulled me close to him. I didn't know what was stopping me from pulling away.

If I was paying attention I would have realized that to an outsider we had the same looks on our faces that Jasper and Alice did when they'd done that exact thing earlier…

"And for the record…" He murmured suddenly, his voice hot and thick at my ear. I let out an involuntary shiver before I felt a white-hot rush flow through me, stronger than ever before. I whimpered. "I think you're beautiful too. _Very_ beautiful."

And maybe it was the night air around us that made me shiver a second time, and maybe it was the static from our clothes that made his next touch—which happened to be on my cheek—send a shock right through his skin to mine.

Our faces were inches apart, our bodies humming with electricity and our eyes burning into each others'.

He leaned closer, impossibly close, and whispered, "Lay with me."

I nodded numbly, not aware of anything but him, his hand in mine, our bodies brushing together as we lay entwined in the soft grass.

"I'm so sorry," He whispered thickly as we lay back together. "I just…I got jealous. Alice mentioned to me that you two had…done some things…" His voice broke as he ducked his head shyly. "I'm sorry."

I took his face in my hands and kissed him deeply, telling him exactly how I felt with my actions.

I couldn't find it in myself to be mad anymore. I couldn't find it in myself to feel anything other than the emotions I seemed to be drowning in now.

These feelings were so new, so white-hot and exciting that I got lost in them, drowned in them.

And before I knew what was happening, before my body caught up with my actions, we were taking off clothes and holding each other tightly.

His fingers, tentative, tracing my cheek, my chin, then down my neck and I shivered again, my hand guiding his fingers to my breast, encouraging him to fuel the fire, the inferno that was raging inside me.

We both gasped and then suddenly his lips were on mine, and my hands were grasping the back of his head and he grabbing onto me; anything to get us closer. He tasted good. Like peppermint, and nectar and just _Edward._

And then our tongues were joining, wrestling, then finally, languidly dancing together.

He pulled back suddenly, making me whimper and wiggle against him at the loss of contact. I opened my eyes and looked into his blazing ones, my tongue caught on a complaint.

He grabbed me by the shoulders and looked straight at me, completely serious.

"Bella, honey, are you sure?"

And his words were all I needed, his endearing nickname, to nod my head and reply with a soft, "absolutely."

Look back I can still remember everything about that night. How it first felt when we finally brought our bodies together, connecting our souls. How he let me set the pace, and after I was comfortable he took control.

I'll never forget the look on his face as he whimpered above me, his hoarse voice in my ear, "Does it feel good?" He'd grunted, and by the time I'd nodded, I was seeing stars.

He was beautiful when he came undone.

That night in our meadow changed everything. And I mean _everything_.

After that we couldn't deny the feelings we had between us, couldn't deny that beautiful connection that ran through us so deeply.

Alice was smug as heck, unsurprisingly. She'd known it would be that way all along.

And so we were together._ Strong_. Held together by love and passion and friendship. He was my best friend, my _lover._

He was my _forever._

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**A/N Wow, that right there was a flashback. haha**

**This chapter was sort of random, but I think you all needed a little backstory...**

**Review button's right down there... Just sayin'. ;D**

**See you next time O' faithful readers...**


	3. Going Home

**DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, Stephenie Meyer owns these characters. As much as I hate saying it, they're not mine. D: I'm simply playing dress-up. **

**A/N: **

**I thought, in the spirit of the holidays, I'd give you guys a chapter. (And it's friday and i'm in a good mood) **

**We're moving right along. Before you know it, our little Edward and Bella will be meeting up again. And trust me, i'm just as excited as you are! :D**

**See you at the bottom...**

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**

_**Present Day**_

"Earth to Bel-la!"

Angela waved her dainty hand in front of my face and I abruptly stopped staring at the mug of coffee, realizing how rude I had just been.

"I'm so sorry Ang!" I murmured, looking into her '_it's a good thing I love you so much' _face. "What were you saying?"

Angela had been my saving grace those first few years after—Well, _after…_

She was the best listener I knew—the only one I could trust with all my problems and deepest fears.

But when I allowed my mind to slip to…to _Alice_—my heart hurt. I missed her and…_them._ How she just seemed to understand without me even having to explain. God I missed her.

And when I allowed my mind to go to even darker avenues… when I thought of…_him—_I knew that my boyfriend as of now was only a leaf in the forest of love my heart was capable of.

I relayed this to Angela.

She sighed, tucking me under her arm and leaving a tip on the table for the waiter.

We walked out of the store into the crisp morning air.

"It's only normal, Bella." She said after a while. "I mean, he was your first _everything_. You'll always remember him. As the good guy—as the bad guy, whatever. But you'll remember him. No matter how unfair that shit is, the fucker will always be in the back of your mind."

My automatic instinct was to defend him—to tell her he wasn't a bad guy… But that would be a lie. I was biased, badly, and I had no idea why. He'd cheated on me. He'd betrayed me in the very worst of ways.

But yet I would never forget how well he treated me—how attentive and loving he'd been. We were perfect for each other. _Were._ But he ruined that, didn't he?

It still hurt like someone was punching me in the chest. I hurt for the family that I'd lost. The children we'd never have together, the life we'd never live.

"Yeah." I murmured, pulling my scarf further up my face. "Yeah I suppose you're right."

* * *

"Are you feeling okay?" Mike asked, a concerned look on his handsome face.

"Yeah," I shook my head. "I'm fine. Just a little tired is all."

He nodded, skeptical, but let it go.

"Your dad called today." He smiled. "He wants us to visit him down there in Forks."

My hands stopped chopping up the celery and my heart clenched involuntarily. My hands were suddenly very slippery. "Is that so?"

"Yeah. I think we should before the wedding, Bells. We'll go back and give him some TLC for a few weeks."

"Weeks?" I squeaked. "That's a long visit, Mike."

"I know. But it wouldn't hurt. Besides, aren't you even a little anxious to see some of our old friends?"

I froze and he did as well, realizing what he'd said.

"Oh, Bella." He whispered, putting his arms around my shoulders. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking-"

"It's fine," I cut him off before I could start crying, carrying the salad bowl over to the table.

He didn't bring up Forks again, and eventually we had a nice dinner catching up on our day.

* * *

When I moved to Seattle I automatically applied for a job at a local newspaper. Before long they'd promoted me to a journalist—and I had weekly topics that needed to be researched, written and handed in before Friday.

I honestly didn't mind working there. Other than the standard office hours, I was free to go anywhere I pleased during the day. I had to research things and interview people, so I got to get out every once in a while. And I enjoyed it.

That's where I'd met Angela Webber—my savior through all this. I found myself telling her everything, and she listened contently and supportively. I couldn't ask for a better friend.

We went to the exact same coffee shop every single morning, and it was there that I saw a ghost of my past; surprising, but welcome nonetheless.

Mike Newton—a boy I'd practically gone through school with- was in his last year of college to be a mechanical engineer, working at the little diner part-time.

We eventually met up after one of his shifts and got to talking, and his life, it seemed, hadn't changed much since the last time I saw him.

Only it was then that I started to realize that I wanted to try and have a relationship.

I decided it was time to move forward and try dating, and Mike was ready and willing.

I'm not going to lie and say that I knew Mike was my soul mate. I can't even imagine a future with him, if I was to be perfectly honest.

I couldn't picture a life with anyone anymore. No one other than…_him._

After the—_divorce_ was finalized it took me two _years _to be able to just act like a normal person. I went to work, went home, sometimes called Angela, I ate, then I went to bed. I'd wake up the next day and the cycle would start over.

Mike made that a little better.

He had walked up to the table all sinew and muscle—unlike his skinny, gangly high school self. He was handsome, for sure, his hair short, blond and sweetly disheveled. More importantly, he was friendly. He treated me like a lady, didn't push me for information I didn't want to give. I found myself sneaking glances at him across the restaurant. He was almost like a puppy. Reliable, cute…

I was surprised at how quickly I'd been able to move on with my life.

He took me to the movies and took things slow. We didn't kiss until our 5th date, and I'd told him everything about my life by our 8th. He already knew about my mom in Florida and my dad, Charlie, of course, and where he lived back in Forks. Turns out he'd known about what happened as well—nothing really stayed secret in a town that small.

He was gentlemanly, never prodding or pressuring. I really couldn't help but me drawn to his light.

He'd left Forks after a while as well, claiming the small town was smothering him and there were still too many reminders of bad decisions he'd made in high school. He still stayed in touch with his older sister weekly, much to her delight.

We talked about everything and anything. He could make me laugh a million different ways, each of them warm and unpressured.

He was my light, my life jacket in this world of darkness; this ocean of doubt and pain.

I'm also not going to lie and say that he was a cure-all. I still found myself hyperventilating when I was all alone, and whipping my head around quickly when someone passed me on the street that looked even remotely similar to…_him._

He understood and he'd hold me at night, telling me he would make everything okay. And for the most part, he did. But I could never stop the nagging feeling when I was with him, the one that told me I wanted another pair of arms to hold me, another mouth to kiss me. I'd always dispelled these thoughts with a sharp shake of my head, hating that I would never be completely whole for him.

* * *

"So Michael told me he was trying to convince you to come down here for a few weeks, Bells?" Charlie asked in a not-a-big-deal voice.

I sighed loudly. I knew this was coming the second I saw he was calling.

"Yeah I was thinking about it."

"It'd be nice to spend some time with you and him, Bells. Sue's been wanting to meet him, too. You know how she worries about you." Sue was my father's girlfriend (he never agreed to the term "girlfriend" but we all knew what she was)

But ahh, the infamous guilt trip. I was a sucker for 'em. Especially when they came from Charlie.

"So, when is a good time for you?" I winced as I asked, and I heard Charlie's delighted chuckle on the other end.

"How's this weekend sound?"

I laughed at his eagerness.

* * *

I felt a strange sort of nervousness as we pulled up to my old house. It wasn't an insanely long ride from Seattle to Forks, but I found myself exhausted. Mike squeezed my hand just as I saw Charlie come running—I use this term very loosely—from the house.

"Bells!" He wrapped me in a tight hug the moment I stepped out of the car, insistently taking the suitcase from my hands.

"Hey, dad." I smiled, adjusting my purse strap over my shoulder as Mike and my father chatted easily.

I tried not to look around the yard too much—tried not to remember too much. I kept my head down and walked into the house.

* * *

**A/N: Short, but It will start picking up here pretty quick, promise. 3 **

**I'm aware that I'm somewhat behind on some reviews and I just want all of you to know that I DO get them and I DO DO DO LOVE them. ****They put a smile on my face everytime. ****Thank you to all of you who have been so kind as to leave me some. **

**And to those of you who haven't, i'm just glad you're reading the story. haha. **

**And who knows, since i'm feeling so generous this holiday season you'll probably get more for Christmas! **

**Something to look forward to... **


	4. Memories, Weddings, and Surprises

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns these characters. Sadly, I do not. I'm simply playing with them. **

**Well well well, Christmas eve eve and here I am. :D**

**I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It's really starting to pick up. See ya at the bottom. **

* * *

"_I'm tired of picking up your shit, Edward!" _

"_Oh, yeah?" he asked, his voice more than a little annoyed. Good. _

"_You're 22 years old for Christ's sake! I think you can pick up your own stuff!" I yelled, throwing his shirt and jeans in the hamper next to the vanity._

"_What do you want from me, Bella? I'm trying my fucking damndest to support us, while getting a fucking medical degree! I'm sorry that I've overlooked a few things—"_

"_Overlooked!" I ranted, pissed. I stood in front of him with my hands on my hips, glaring. He stood in the same position across from me. _

"_Now that's the fucking understatement of the century! You haven't been home for more than eight hours lately, and you just sleep! I know that you've been busy, Edward! I understand that! But even on the weekends you're just so fucking distant… I don't even know if-"_

_I tried not to cry with every ounce of my being, but I couldn't help it when traitor tears escaped. I wiped at them feverishly, my face crumbling. _

"_Bella." Edward whispered, his voice devoid of all hostility. _

_He reached a hand out to me and I slapped it away. I guess that's where I went wrong. _

_He grabbed my outstretched hand and gripped it tightly. I yelped in pain as he tugged me closer, his eyes flashing. _

_It took all but two seconds for him to realize what he'd done; and for me to begin sobbing. I wasn't going to deny it; he hurt me. He'd grabbed me. I'd have a bruise on my wrist tomorrow. _

"_Oh my God, Bella." He cried, releasing my wrist. I threw myself back from him, my eyes wide with horror. _

_Edward had just bruised me. _

_My sweet, gentle Edward had just grabbed me. _

_I was so shocked I could barely move, but I knew I had to get out of there. _

"_Bella, baby!" Edward moaned, agonized. "Honey, I didn't mean to do that, Sweetie." His voice was soft, as though not to scare me. _

_I grabbed my purse off the bedside table, not sure where I was going but not willing to stay here. _

"_It was a reflex, Bella! Love, please." His voice was tormented, suffering. He was suffering. _

_Good. _

_I started down the stairs and he followed, keeping his distance. _

_I made it to the door before he put his hand on my shoulder and I winced at the contact. _

"_Bella, love, I would never hurt you. You know that. I love you, beautiful. Bella, honey, please! Stay here and we'll talk about it. Please!" He cried, "You can't do this to me! It's exactly what your mother did to your father—" _

_I turned to look at him and saw the hope flash in his eyes. My words squashed it. "Let go of me, Edward." I whispered, and he jumped back as though I'd shocked him. _

_I wasn't surprised. My eyes were dead, emotionless. _

_He'd. Just. Hurt. Me. _

_I threw the door open and ran outside before he could touch me again. _

It hadn't taken long for me to forgive him, unsurprisingly. A love like ours couldn't be squashed by a little argument over something stupid. I hadn't bruised, anyway.

He'd remembered that I'd had a doctor's appointment a week after our little tiff, and he'd walked up to me after I'd gotten out of the car, a bouquet of red roses in his hand.

"_My love," He'd whispered, his eyes raking over my form as though he was a blind man seeing the light for the first time. His eyes memorized every inch of my body, almost as if not seeing me had taken the largest toll on him. _

_This was the biggest fight we'd ever had, the longest we'd stayed away from each other since we began dating. _

"_I'm so, so sorry, Bella." His eyes pleaded with me like his voice. "I'm begging here. I will never touch you again if you wish. But please, love, don't do this to me. I need you." _

_He moved closer to me as the tears ran down my cheeks, holding out the roses in an 'I surrender' way. _

"_Edward." I whispered, and then I lurched forward into his arms and kissed him so hard our teeth clanked together. _

"_Thank you so much." He wrapped his arms around me tightly and whispered to me fervently. "I was so stupid and it was just a reflex—but there is no excuse for what I did. Can you ever forgive me?" He brought my 'bruised' wrist to his mouth and kissed it reverently, looking at me the whole time. _

"_Oh, Edward." I nuzzled my nose against his and then buried my face in his neck. That was enough of an answer for him because he smiled dazzlingly and laced our fingers. _

"_Thank you." He whispered again. "For forgiving me. I don't know if I could take losing you..._and _the baby." He murmured as his hands moved to cup the bump that was just starting to grow in my belly. _

I sat straight up in bed and sputtered, coughing.

The memory was so clear, so vivid.

I felt Mike's arms around me and suddenly I was sobbing, clinging to his shirt and gasping for air.

"Another dream?" He asked sympathetically, rubbing my back to calm me.

"Yeah," I whispered, choking on my words. "It was just a dream."

* * *

Love like Edward and I's wasn't affected by time or space; fights or work.

The love I felt for him was strong, and it just grew stronger as the time went by. We were both passionate; exceptionally so, and there was rarely a dull moment in our relationship. Never once was I left unsatisfied. And I mean that in every definition of the word.

Edward was an extraordinary lover. That was the only way to describe it. He was tender and attentive, both sexy and seductive. He made me feel absolutely beautiful, loved. I always felt like a goddess with him, and he'd tell me how amazing I was every chance he got.

So no, a love like ours couldn't be paralleled in my eyes; it never would. And it couldn't be broken easily.

Then again, I would never consider cheating to be put in the 'easily' category.

My husband, sweet and kind, loving and tender, cheated on me. And thus, our marriage disintegrated.

After that night I walked out for good, I stayed at the local hotel for a few days, unable to face anyone. My heart ripped from my chest. The love I always thought was so true, so pure, was a lie. He'd tried to come to see me so many times that I began to lost count. I hadn't gone down to the lobby to see him once.

I finally moved to Seattle, unable to handle the constant reminders of him in Forks. My father, Charlie (the Chief of Police), was livid at Edward, of course. He was livid that I was moving away because of him, livid because Edward had betrayed me in the very worst and painful of ways.

I broke off all contact with Alice…with all the Cullens.

And I made new friends; Angela, for example.

And that's how I got here with Mike, in Forks once again.

My father never mentioned Edward or what he was up to, for which I was grateful. I don't think I could take it if I heard he and—my mind sneered the name—_Tanya _had gotten married or something.

"Bells?"

I jumped and my hand flew up to cover my mouth as I turned to face Mike quickly.

"Jesus! You scared the living shit out of me!" I laughed nervously.

He smiled a little. "Sorry. I just wanted to let you know Sue said dinner was ready."

"Thanks." I smiled and turned, letting him know without words I'd be down in a minute, to go on ahead without me.

He took the hint and walked out.

I stood looking out the window for a moment, letting my eyes sweep over the backyard. Charlie kept the grass trimmed up to the line of the woods, but you could tell that no children had played there in years. It looked abandoned. It was green, almost too green, the pine trees and grass covering up the brown on the trunks and the dirt.

I let my eyes focus on the color until it was simply a blur, until my mind stopped deciding where the grass ended and the trees began.

"_Bella?" His velvety voice came from behind me and I started, turning to look at him. _

_He smiled softly and made his way over to me, glancing out the window when I turned back to it. _

"_Whatcha looking at?" He wrapped his arms around me, and I suddenly felt safer somehow, I felt like I'd get through this. _

"_Just the backyard." I smiled as I wormed myself deeper in his embrace. "It's hard to believe I used to play out there." I shook my head indulgently. "I used to pretend I was the princess of the castle; that the trees were soldiers coming to attack." I laughed. "I had to be at least 11 before I realized that was ridiculous." _

_He stood there in silence. It was amazing to me how he knew exactly what I needed without me having to tell him. And for now, what I needed was to be held. _

_As I stood in my bedroom—correction: my _old _bedroom—I felt an overwhelming urge to cry. I was leaving. I was moving into a home with Edward. Our home. Together. _

"_It's going to be okay, you know." He kissed my hair. "You and I will come back and visit all the time. Maybe we'll even stay here sometime." _

"_Really?" I asked, looking up hopefully, the tears brimming. _

"_Of course." He ran a hand across my cheek, as though to catch the tears that hadn't fallen yet. _

"_I love you, Edward." I whispered, bringing my lips to his. _And I trust you._ I said with my expression. _

"_I love you too, my sweet, beautiful Bella." _

I wiped the tears from my eyes with my sleeve and looked quickly in the vanity mirror to make sure I looked normal. Mike would probably see through it anyway, but I knew he would ignore it for my sake. This time.

I looked normal enough, so I made my way down the stairs and to the kitchen where my father and his girlfriend sat at the table with my boyfriend—and I tried to figure out where my marriage with Edward went wrong.

* * *

"Bella?" Charlie's voice broke me out of my reverie. I looked up to find him wringing his hands somewhat nervously.

"Yeah, dad?"

"Uh—I didn't want you to feel any pressure or anything…" He cleared his throat. "But I just though you should know that Alice Cullen is getting married to that Whitlock boy tomorrow."

My stomach dropped.

"Oh." I said stupidly, moving the lasagna around my plate nervously.

"I'm not trying to pressure you or anything, but I have to work on traffic control for them so I won't be at the ceremony."

"Traffic control?"

"Yeah, the wedding's supposedly gonna be huge. The Cullens apparently are a little excessive—there's gonna be a lot of people and someone needs to keep some order." He smiled. "But Bella, she used to be your best friend and—"

"I didn't get an invitation." I interrupted quickly.

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Bella, on the invitation I got in the mail a few months ago she specifically asked me to ask you because she doesn't have your address." He chuckled. "She was a good friend to you, Bells. I think you should go."

"I can't just go alone." I argued, my stomach doing flips. The thought of walking into the church and seeing them made me sick.

"Take your young man with you." Charlie said suddenly. "Then you won't have to do it alone."

I thought for a moment. I really did owe it to Alice, although I felt funny not calling first. I hoped she didn't faint when she saw me…or worse—freak out and kick me out of her wedding.

"I don't think I should, dad."

"Bella," He sighed, he pulled out the chair across from me and sat down. "You owe it to Alice. She wants you there. She doesn't stop asking me about you when I see her."

"Really?" I asked, trying to sound uninterested but it came out completely wrong.

"Really." He confirmed. "I know it will be hard, but this is supposed to be one of the happiest days of her life. Imagine how happy you'll make her."

And with an argument like that, I couldn't disagree.

* * *

"Mike?" I called from the bathroom, assessing myself in the mirror. I didn't look bad at all, my t-length dark blue dress ran off my shoulder elegantly, showing off what little cleavage I had.

It ruffled flatteringly down from my waist all the way to my knees.

My make-up was simple, as it always was, a little eye shadow and blush to accentuate my lipstick.

I smiled. I looked pretty good.

Mike walked into the bathroom while fixing his tie, smiling when he saw me.

He was handsome as ever in his blue button-down shirt and khakis.

"You look great." He kissed my cheek as he straightened his tie, looking in the mirror to make sure it was alright.

I smiled at his words, feeling all the more pretty.

_I will be fine tonight_, I told myself, but my nerves had other ideas.

Would_ he_ be there tonight?

_Of course he would_, my brain chastised, _it's his little sister's wedding_. And his _best friend's._ He's probably the best man.

My hands shook as I curled my hair, my palms sweaty. I was surprised the curler didn't fall right out of my hands.

_No_. I mentally righted myself. _I _will_ do this for Alice. _

And then my heart ached and I had to stop thinking about it.

The ride to the church was met with tense silence, neither Mike nor I wanted to talk about what we were about to face.

Damn Charlie and his guilt trips.

But he was right about one thing, the traffic was crazy. I thought for a moment that we had gotten the wrong address and had ended up at a concert for some boy band or something. But then I remembered Alice's extravagant style and realized she'd probably invited all of Washington or something crazy like that.

A smile lit up my lips involuntarily.

By the time we finally got parked people were piling into the church, and I rushed Mike along, wanting to sit down before I ran into anybody from my past.

My stomach clenched on and off, and I had to give myself a mental pep-talk once we were seated.

_You will be fine._ I chanted over and over_. You will be fine._

_You will be fine. _

_You will be fine._

_You will be fine. _

_.Be—_

"_Bella Cullen_?" I winced when I heard that horridly familiar voice, felt the touch on my shoulder.

I turned to see Jessica Stanley sitting next to Ben Cheney, their faces shocked.

"Hey, Jess. And it's _Swan_ again." I tried to smile amiably, but I'm sure it just looked like a grimace. Not that they even noticed that _or_ my comment for that matter.

"Oh my gosh! I haven't seen you in forever! I heard you moved to Seattle! How's that been? I've always wanted to move away but, you know…"

"Yeah." I said, just wanting to stop her rambling.

"Why are you back here?" Ben asked, curiously. I'd always like Ben.

"I'm visiting my dad." I answered, then Mike started talking so I could finally turn back around.

I looked at him gratefully and we talked about inconsequential things as we waited for the ceremony to begin.

We seemed to be early, seeing as people were still piling in. It was a big church, luckily, or I think people would have had to stand. The altar looked like something from a fairytale, white bows and flowers everywhere. It was beautiful.

I saw a door at the front open suddenly and Emmett stepped out, all dark-haired and handsome. My breath caught in my throat.

He looked just the same as I saw him last—although I wracked my brain for when that had been.

I looked to the first pew where Esme was sitting, all caramel hair and grace. She was beaming, speaking animatedly to the woman next to her.

I smiled as I saw Jasper—kind, handsome Jasper follow Emmett, a content smile on his face. He was glowing, just as I knew he'd be.

Emmett was smiling widely, as usual, and I could almost hear his boisterous voice from here. He was giving Jasper a brotherly punch on the arm, then throwing his head back in laughter when Jasper shot him a glare.

Behind Emmett, all that was visible was a tangled mess of bronze-colored hair, messy and wild like it always was.

I had to remind myself to breathe as he came into view. He was wearing a tux like the other two, his head down, but I could see the nervous smile in place.

He was gorgeous. He always had been.

"Uh, oh." I heard Mike mutter, and I knew that he was looking in the same place I was, yet I couldn't find it in me to look away.

Then he shook my shoulder.

I wrenched my eyes away from the altar, traitor tears stinging my eyes.

Mike looked at me with a mix of worry and compassion. "You okay?"

I coughed to dispel the lump in my throat. "Yeah." I choked, nodding my head.

And when I looked reluctantly back to the place where I least wanted to, I saw the last thing I expected.

My breath came in short, shallow gasps as I saw the pair of familiar, piercing green eyes looking directly at me.

* * *

**A/N: *gasps* I know what you are all thinking. "She did NOT leave it there!" **

**Sorry guys, I believe I did. There's a method to my madness-hopefully. haha.**

**I want you guys to check out my blog-I've already explained the next posting time and why, if you're interested. **

**( http(:)/robstenlovestoryrachaelp(dot)blogspot(dot)com )**

**I hope you all have a wonderful, happy, and safe holiday season filled with good food and loved ones! **

**Merry Christmas. See you guys next time. **


	5. No Control

**_Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns these amazing characters. I'm just borrowing them for a little while. All rights belong to her. _**

**_A/N: _I know you guys are probably wondering what kind of hole I fell into in the past month, and I'm sorry. As I said, i've been very busy with schoolwork-in fact, I should probably be doing one of my projects right now! haha. **

**But I wanted to post this for you b/c you guys have been amazingly patient. I hope it doesn't dissapoint. **

**See ya at the bottom. **

_

* * *

_

_And when I looked reluctantly back to the place where I least wanted to, I saw the last thing I expected. _

_My breath came in short, shallow gasps as I saw the pair of familiar, piercing green eyes looking directly at me._

His eyes burned into mine, and I couldn't find it in myself to look away. So I stared back stupidly, my mouth open, my eyes burning.

And when he finally released my stare to look at the person beside me, the person who had his arm around my shoulder and was holding my free hand—when he looked over to _Mike_, I could see the white-hot fury written plainly on his face.

I found my hands shaking, then I felt my arms shaking.

Mike was eyeing Edward with the exact same expression, almost as though he was daring him to do something. His arm tightened around me.

I could see Emmett shaking Edward's arm in my peripheral, then I felt Emmett's eyes on me as well, questioning. Then understanding.

I smiled lightly at Emmett and he smiled cautiously back, his eyes traveling from Edward to Mike to me.

I almost cried with relief when the music started up, signaling Alice's entrance.

Everyone stood as she started down the aisle, Carlisle with his arm through hers. I resisted the urge to cry.

Alice was getting married. My best—_old_ best friend was getting married. To Jasper. To the love of her life.

As Alice made her way closer to the front I resisted the urge to gasp. She looked gorgeous. Her short hair looked like it was back in a bun, with a few tendrils flowing elegantly down her cheeks. Her veil was covering her face, her dress was absolutely stunning, strapless, long and flowing like a princess's. It was so—_Alice._

And everyone sighed in wonder as she made her way toward her destiny, a brilliant smile on her face.

I barely registered the blonde that was standing up front, but from the one look I gave her I could tell she was beautiful. Her hair was down and smooth, her dress light purple and flowed straight down to the floor.

I could have been where she is. The irrational part of my brain was crying, but the rational part was screaming with pride and joy. Alice was so happy.

I wanted to run out into the aisle and run to her, take her in my arms and cry onto her shoulder, I wanted to tell her I'm sorry, tell her everything, and beg her to forgive me. Beg the entire family to forgive me.

But I stayed where I was. Because this was her day.

The ceremony was beautiful and tasteful, and the vows Jasper and Alice exchanged brought tears to my eyes—and almost everyone else's.

I smiled when Jasper and Alice walked by our pew, hand in hand, all caught up in each other.

I took Mike's hand as everyone started emptying out, and my stomach dropped when I realized something.

Fuck.

_Fuck. Fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck!_

The entire wedding party stood in a line outside the church, shaking hands with people and thanking them for coming. The blonde was first, then Emmett, then Alice, Jasper, Edward, Carlisle and last; Esme.

I tried to breathe normally.

Yup, not working.

Mike immediately got on the side closest to the Cullen's and I silently thanked him. Maybe we could sneak by unnoticed.

I saw Edward searching down the line, looking for me no doubt. I ducked my head. He spotted Mike first because he was taller than me, and he glowered.

I suddenly felt myself become furious. How dare he? How fucking _dare_ he be jealous of Mike! After all that he put me through!

I jutted my chin and held my head high defiantly, taking Mike's hand and lacing our fingers.

I could do this.

I _would_ do this.

My heart thumped unevenly and suddenly I was in front of the blonde, her smile friendly, I smiled back, clutching Mike's arm.

Emmett's eyes popped open when he saw me, and then a firm grin was in place.

"Bella-boo!" He squealed suddenly, picking me up off the ground and bringing me into a bear-like hug.

"Emmett—can't—breathe…" I squeaked, and he put me down, winking.

And suddenly I was right in front of Alice.

I gulped and almost as though Mike could feel my pain, he took my hand and pulled me to him. Alice had her eyes on me, and looked like she had the entire time I had hugged Emmett. I wasn't surprised, I bet the whole church could hear Emmett's boisterous voice.

"Holy shit." She whispered, and a single tear ran down my cheek. I barely had time to register a thought when her tiny arms were around me, the familiarity of it all making me cry more.

"Bella!" Her voice was non-judgmental, not mad whatsoever. Just unconditionally excited.

"Hi, Ali." I whispered, and she released me, taking me by the shoulders.

Her eyes were bright but watery, probably like mine. "Charlie told you about my invitation!" She clapped her hands, and her voice was conversational despite the crowds of people behind me.

"Yeah." I admitted sheepishly, and I realized that not only the entire wedding party was looking at me, but everyone around us too.

Alice seemed to realize this at the same time I did. And she knew how much I hated standing out.

"How about you come to the reception and we can catch up?" She asked hopefully.

Damnit. But I couldn't say no. Mike tensed beside me, but I couldn't find it in me to care.

"Sure I will." I nodded and moved on, and Jasper hugged me.

"It's great to see you again, Bella." He drawled in my ear, squeezing tightly. His familiar Southern twang a comforting lull. "You have no idea how happy this is making her." He winked at me when I pulled away.

Then Edward was directly in front of me.

"Be—"

Mike pulled me away from him abruptly, probably sensing my discomfort. I didn't care how rude it was, I really didn't want to break down in front of all these people. I didn't have time to see his reaction because Carlisle was next.

Carlisle had an amused smile on his face as he leaned down to hug me. "Bella." He acknowledged with a wink. "Let me look at you." He held me at arms' length, beaming. I couldn't believe how casual they sounded around me, how comfortable they were with me being here. It was like I never left.

Esme brought me into a fierce hug, so motherly I almost got choked up. "My girl." She whispered as she pulled back, wiping tears from her eyes, then from mine when she saw I was crying.

"Esme." I whispered. My second mother. I saw her eyes flicker quickly to Mike and narrow curiously, but then her smile was back full-force.

"I'll see you at the reception, Bella." Her voice was more forceful than anything, not in a rude way but in a way that told me she'd track me down herself if I didn't show up.

I smiled and nodded, almost collapsing back against Mike when we were out of eyesight.

"Bella." He whispered. "I'm so sorry, there was nothing I could do." I silenced him with my finger, trying not to cry.

"Just never mind."

"We don't have to go to the reception, Bells." He said matter-of-factly.

"I do." I nodded my head, letting him know it wasn't open for suggestion. "I have to. Alice is expecting me."

He sighed and nodded, but he was clearly uncomfortable.

* * *

"BELLA-BEAR!" and I was suddenly lifted off the ground and trapped in another one of Emmett's embraces.

I laughed at the changes of nicknames mixed with my own name and hugged him back tightly, his arms familiar and oh-so safe. I pulled back reluctantly, but my feet were still swinging.

"You can put me down now, Em."

And he just laughed heartily and spun me around some more.

I heard the beginnings of _"Yeah"_ by Usher fill the speakers and I knew I was done for. Emmett squealed—sounding remarkably like a pig—and pulled me even tighter.

"Dance with me, little sister!" He beamed, excited. I didn't even bother correcting him. I knew there was no use.

It was half-way through the reception now, Alice and Jasper had already danced and everyone had eaten, and I was surprised by how much fun I was having. Mike continued to sit next to me the whole time, tense, but smiling. We sat across from Ben and Jessica, and the three of them were reminiscing stories about me and my clumsiness from a while ago when I felt someone basically pick me up out of my chair and drag me to the dance floor.

Emmett had always thought of me as a little sister, and I thought of him as a big brother. It was hard not to, considering how easy he was to like.

I heard a throat clear behind me and Emmett's eyes traveled over my shoulder, which wasn't hard to do because I was so much shorter.

I turned to see the blonde from earlier, standing in all her 5'11'' glory, almost towering above my 5'8''form.

"Rose!" Emmett exclaimed, still excited. "Come meet my bestest estest little sister, Bella-Bug, meet my fiancée, Rosie."

He gestured with a large hand between us and Rose held her hand out, smiling indulgently at Emmett. She looked back to me and rolled her eyes. "Bella-Bug? I feel bad for you." She smiled as I shook her hand. "My name is Rosalie. It's nice to meet you, Bella."

"You too." I smiled genuinely. I liked her. She was pretty, but not exactly in a snooty way, just a very confident way.

And so I found Emmett shoving a shot into my hand, and I took it, then another, and another. Soon I was dancing with Rosalie and Emmett, having as much fun as I'd had in a while.

Alice ran over to us and squealed, throwing her arms around me and joining in while we danced. Soon it was Alice, Rosalie and I, dancing to whatever pop song came through the speakers. Half of them I didn't know, but I didn't care.

Alice kept her hand constantly in mine, or her arm around my shoulder, reluctant to let go. She wouldn't let me out of her sight, I knew.

And so we fell right back into old times, and maybe it was the liquor, maybe it was the atmosphere, but I had the time of my life.

"You should have told me you were coming to Forks!" Alice shouted over the music. We sat off in an excluded corner of the reception, one where we could talk. Rose was sitting beside me, and I had a feeling I'd made a new friend.

I couldn't stop smiling.

"I should have." I agreed, taking a rather large sip of the martini in my hands.

"You could have been in my wedding!" Alice said, her words slurring less than mine.

"I wanted to, Alice." I said, "Charlie didn't tell me until today, or I swear I would have called or—"

She put her hand up to stop me. "No, Bella. Don't do that to yourself. Forget about it. You're here now and that's all that matters."

She hugged me so hard it almost hurt, but in the best way possible. I hugged her back fiercely. "I missed you so goddamn much, Alice. And I'm so sorry."

She patted my back. "I missed you too, honey, and I forgive you."

I didn't have time to really register the fact that Mike was sitting somewhere with Jess, probably uncomfortable without me there.

It was then that I had to excuse myself to get some air, and Alice pointed a tiny finger in my face ordering I come right back.

I let the cool, wet air nip at my face as I leaned back against the building. The chill of the air sobered me up a bit and I groaned, putting my head between my legs to catch my breath. I didn't want to be alone—I didn't want to have to think the thoughts that would make this night not fun. Even though I hadn't felt this alive in a very long time.

"Bella…?"

* * *

**A/N: AND... Cliffie. **

**I'm a heartless bitch, I know. :D**

**Review, they inspire me. **

**Until next time, O' faithful readers...**


	6. Fainting and Wishing

**_Disclaimer: S.M. owns Twilight. I'm just torturing her characters. :D_**

**_Well, here it is, as soon as I could possibly get it to you._**

**_See you at the bottom!_**

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* * *

_

_I didn't want to be alone—I didn't want to have to think the thoughts that would make this night not fun. Even though I hadn't felt this alive in a very long time. _

"Bella…?" The velvet voice immediately made my head snap up and I moaned as I tried to get the world to right itself.

Then I remembered who'd just talked.

I jumped back from the wall so quickly the world blurred for a moment, and spun to face him.

He had his hands up as though he was afraid I thought he was going to hurt me, but I could tell by his expression that he wanted nothing more than to help me.

I gritted my teeth. He didn't deserve my time.

"Edward." I answered cooly, sounding a lot more calm than I felt. It must have been the alcohol that made me brave.

"Bella." He choked, and his hand automatically went to his hair, tugging it.

We stood in tense silence for a few moments, assessing each other. He looked just the same as he always had. Except now maybe a little less vibrant. His eyes were almost hopeful, but other than that they had lost the spark I'd been so used to seeing when I looked into those green pools.

"You look good." He finally managed, taking a step forward as he cleared his scratchy throat. Had he been drinking?

I scoffed and took a step back, a large step.

"What do you want, _Edward?"_ I basically sneered his name.

I felt bad when he winced, but there really was no other way. He stood here, in front of me, and had the guts to look upset, to look longing, to look unhappy.

"I wanted to know if you—" He stopped, and hung his head, obviously fighting tears.

My heart ached for him in that moment, because he looked so much like the 17-year-old boy I fell in love with 9 years ago. Vulnerable and innocent, he stood in front of me with his hands wringing nervously.

I wanted nothing more than to reach out and get the loose piece of hair out of his eyes, to wrap my arms around his waist and feel him hug me in return. We could comfort each other, we could be okay. I would look up into his green—

Brown eyes suddenly came to my mind and I staggered a few steps backward.

_Mine._ Filled with tears.

"Wanted to know if what?" My sentence was clipped, unwavering.

He looked up at me with tortured eyes, but I could see that he knew he deserved it.

"I wanted to know if you're—_happy,_ Bella."

I jutted my chin out defiantly, although there was nothing offensive in the way he said it, just genuine curiosity.

"I am." I nodded, but the words got choked because I'd never really been a good liar.

I was surprised at how quickly the realization hit me.

_You're _not_ happy. Not _really.

"Do you love him?" The words came out choked, pained, like he'd swallowed a handful of razors before uttering them. "Do you love _Newton_?" He growled his name.

I shook my head in his direction, the pain in his voice rendering me almost speechless. "Not yet."

If I had looked over to him I would have seen the relief on his face.

And the tears were in my eyes before I could stop them, and I bent over at the waist, clutching myself tightly.

I wasn't surprised to feel his hands on my shoulders, his worried voice in my ear. "Bella? Are you alright, honey?"

I didn't have time to register that term of endearment before I felt his hands, cool from the night air, on my bare shoulder. A spark shot up my arm and we both jumped lightly, turning to look at each other in awe… How the hell could we still do that?

Then I heard the voice.

"Edward! Is that Bella? Is she okay?"

I looked up from his green orbs reluctantly.

Esme.

"I—don't know…" His voice wasn't defensive, but worried, still shaken from our encounter.

"I'm okay." I managed to choke.

She walked over and wrapped her arms around me tightly, stepping between Edward and I while sending Edward a warning look.

I knew in that moment, from the look that Edward was giving Esme, from the look she was giving him, that Edward had told them everything.

They were treating me like I'd never left because it was amazing to them that I'd come back. They knew it all. And they were on my side.

"Where's Tanya?" I sneered. The name hurt a little going out but the words slipped out before I could stop them. I abruptly covered my mouth with my hand, horrified that I'd brought it up.

Why was I such a masochist? Why the hell did I have to say the wrong things all the time? Why couldn't I control anything anymore?

Edward tensed and Esme's arm's tightened around me. It was a few moments before the answer but it felt like lifetimes.

"She's fucking gone." Edward said, quiet rage filling his voice. I recoiled from his anger, not sure who it was directed at.

I also noticed that Esme didn't correct Edward for his language. Esme hated it when her children swore around her.

So that's why the next words out of her mouth shocked me.

"She's exactly where she needs to be, the little bitch."

I looked up at Esme, shocked. She shrugged, unashamed.

Suddenly everything I'd experienced in the past 5 hours was weighing me down. Considerably.

"Bella?" It was Edward's voice, but it sounded faraway, like he was speaking through a tunnel. I could no longer see Esme, as I'd closed my eyes.

I could hear them both calling my name frantically, then there was silence.

* * *

"What happened?" I heard his accusing voice, furious.

No one answered him.

"What the hell did you do?" I could hear a loud thump, almost as though someone had run into something.

"Bella?" A sweet voice called, angelic.

I finally found my voice, and I coughed once to clear it. "Alice?" I croaked.

I heard about 5 collective sighs of relief.

"Can you open your eyes for me, Bella?" Carlisle's voice, calm and collected. He was in doctor mode.

I tried with some difficulty to open my eyes, finally wrenching open my lids.

My eyes focused on Carlisle first, his eyes relieved and kind. Then Alice, then Esme, then Alice. Then…

"What are you doing, Mike?" I asked, confused.

He had Edward's coat clenched between his fingers and had pushed him up against the wall. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on me.

Mike let go as though he'd forgot he was about to punch my ex-husband.

He immediately walked over to me, leaning down to kiss me softly on the forehead. "God, Bella, you scared me! Don't do that."

I struggled to sit up and Mike helped me cautiously. "What happened?"

"You passed out, darling." Esme said, frowning.

I chuckled humorlessly. "Yup, sounds like me."

It was then that I realized how tense Mike was, his body forming an almost protective shield around me. He was currently leaning over me, his body crouched. I tried to remember why this seemed so odd, so out of place and déjà-vuish, but I couldn't come up with anything.

"I think we should go home, Bells." He said, giving me a look that clearly meant that if I didn't go with him, he was leaving without me.

"I want to talk to Bella first." Alice put her hand on his arm and Mike winced as though he'd shocked her, but without another word walked away, probably towards the car.

I shook my head after him. I couldn't believe how rude he was being.

Then I remembered where we were…

"I really should be going, Alice." I said, giving her a look that clearly meant we'd talk about it later. I turned around to everyone. "It was so amazing seeing all of you. And you," I pointed to Alice, "you and I are going to talk when you get back from your honeymoon."

"Yes, we will." She gave me a look, ten times more intimidating than the one I had just given her. I gave her a huge hug, then Esme, then Rosalie.

I waved to everyone else and made brief eye-contact with Edward before walking away after Mike.

What I couldn't put my finger on was why Edward was looking at me with an odd expression on his face, somewhere between fuming and longing.

I tried not to think about it, really I did, but like things always are with Edward, the thoughts came to the forefront of my mind.

What the hell was I doing?

Clearly, I didn't belong here anymore. I didn't belong in Forks anymore.

I belonged back home with Angela and my job and my friends…and Mike. Maybe Mike.

Then why did it feel so right?

Why did it feel like coming home?

_Maybe because you are._ A voice said. A horrible, nagging, fucking _right_ voice.

I was so exhausted from my thoughts, so sickened, that by the time we got to the house I was dead on my feet.

I vaguely remembered Mike's warm hands prying my fingers away from his neck, vaguely remembered wishing those hands were just a little bit more slender, more _cold._

I fell asleep wishing the hands belonged to Edward.

* * *

_My leg shook as I sat directly in front of the large wooden desk. My lawyer tapped her perfectly manicured finger incessantly against the top, her brows furrowed and her lips pursed. _

"_Bella—" She began, her voice almost pleading. _

"_Victoria," I interrupted, a little sternly. "You're not talking me out of this." _

"_I'm not trying to talk you out of anything." She said calmly. "I'm simply stating the facts here, Bella." She sighed theatrically, flipping her bright orange hair over her shoulder. "You didn't sign a pre-nup, he _cheated_, there's no reason you're not willing to ask for a little money out of it! He has a shit-ton, and you know it! Even if it was only a couple thousand—"_

"_No." I said, sharp and final. "Just because I didn't sign a pre-nup doesn't mean I'm a gold-digging whore. I don't want his money. I don't give a fuck if he has more money than Bill Gates! All I want from this marriage is to forget it ever happened." _

_She gave me a hard stare for a long moment, contemplating. _

_Then she sighed deeply, taking her glasses off the tip of her nose and setting them on the table beside her. _

"_You're a force to reckon with, Mrs. Cullen—" She smiled slyly. "Excuse me, Miss _Swan_." _

_I looked away, fighting the urge to cry. _

_I shook her hand when she reached across the table and offered it to me. _

"_I'll have the papers faxed to his lawyer's office as soon as he gets one, and with money like that, I'm sure he will." _

_I ignored her comment, refusing to let her budge me on this. _

"_It was nice doing business with you, Victoria." I put on the best smile I could given the circumstances. "Thank you." _

_She barely got out a goodbye before I was out of the office, letting the thick wooden door swing shut behind me. _

_It wasn't two weeks later that I got an urgent phone call from Victoria telling me to get my butt down to her office as soon as possible. _

_When I walked in, the words that left her mouth were the least I expected. _

"_He's willing to give me how much!" The words left my mouth a strangled shriek, and every ounce of blood in my body rushed to my head. I swayed into the nearest chair as Victoria sat across from me. _

_She took my hand between hers. "Bella, breathe. Just because it's a little more than average—"_

_I let out a strangled laugh, not at all finding humor in the situation. "Average? Since when is more than 120,000 dollars average? Jesus Christ, what the hell is he thinking?" _

_Victoria chuckled. "C'mon, Bella. This isn't usually how things work! He's willing to give you that much money, I think we should go for it!" _

_I rolled my eyes in disbelief. "What the fuck would I do with that much money!" I threw up my hands. "Bullshit. Tell him I don't want it. Tell him that all I want is to be left alone." I threw my bag over my shoulder and ignored my lawyer's protests. It all faded to background noise as I got in my truck and drove away as quickly as possible. _

_I didn't stop until I hit Seattle. _

...

_

* * *

_

**A/N: Finally! No cliffie! **

**...which is extremely uncharacteristic of me!**

**haha**

**Review if you want, you guys are good at that. :D**

**Hope you enjoyed. **

**Until next Time**


	7. Parks and Puppies

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns twilight (unfortunately for me). All rights go to her. **

**A little Edward action in this chapter. :D**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Bella Cullen?" A surprised voice asked from behind me.

I winced. Did _nobody_ around here understand that I was_ divorced_?

I turned and gave a fake smile. "Hey, Lauren."

It was sort of pitiful how she hadn't lost that nasally voice of hers in all these years. I mean, seriously. That was just _ridiculous._

"Oh My _Gosh_! Jessica like _totally_ told me you were back but you know her and I just _totally_ didn't believe her! _Wow! And with Seth Clearwater no less!_" She took a step closer to me and in return I took a step away. "You are just _totally_ so freaking pretty! I mean they say ugly people can get prettier with age and all but…" She shook her head. "Just _wow_."

I had to literally clutch the jar of jelly I'd just taken off the shelf to refrain from punching her. Or maybe I'd shove the Jelly jar in my ears to drown out her voice.

I just nodded nicely and placed the jar I was clutching into the car slowly, careful not to smash it down.

Something about her always just rubbed me the wrong way.

"Have you seen _Edward _since you've come back into town?"

Her question snapped me out of my reverie, well, in reality _his_ name did.

She kept rambling on despite the tortured expression I'm sure I wore at the moment. She didn't even acknowledge that I hadn't answered.

"I mean, he was just so nasty after you left, you know, I mean…he'll always be like—gorgeous but he looked like crap after you left. Why _did_you leave, anyway? I mean, everyone's always saying that Edward fu—"

"Lauren." Said a voice from behind me. The name dripped off of the familiar tongue like acid, almost snake-like.

I smiled so wide I thought my cheeks would hurt as I turned around and pulled Rosalie into a warm embrace.

"Hey, Rose!" I said in relief as she gave me a hard squeeze.

"Hey, Bells!" She smiled at me sweetly before turning to Lauren and glaring.

Lauren looked like she might choke on her own tongue.

"You can go, now." Rosalie dismissed her, and I had to smother a laugh at the shocked look on Lauren's face before she turned and walked away without uttering a goodbye.

"Alright," I said, astonished. "You _have_ to teach me how you do that."

She grinned and reached behind me for a jar of hot fudge. "Emmett." She explained comically as she but it down in the basket hanging on her arm.

"You see," she began, "It's all in the eyes. Little bitches like her are so insecure about their own lives that they gossip about other people, like you and I. Who actually have lives." She rolled her eyes and blew on her perfectly manicured fingers. "All you gotta do is stare 'em down. They're pussies. All of them."

I laughed aloud. "I always knew there was a reason I liked you, Rosalie Hale."

She just grinned. "I'm actually on my way to grab a bite to eat. Wanna come with?"

I smiled at her. "Sure, just let me finish up here."

* * *

I sat in the only park in Forks, Washington, smiling as I watched the young children play carefree on the swing sets while I thought back to my lunch with Rosalie.

She was feisty, that was for sure, and absolutely perfect for Emmett. She was very obviously the Yin to his Yang.

And they seemed like they deserved each other. Despite her obvious knowledge of her own beauty, she gave off the impression that she was a decent enough person, and it was very clear that she loved Emmett very much.

I had known her all of two days and she already wanted me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I'd agreed, depending on the time and place and whether I'd be able to take off enough work.

She'd squealed like a young child when I'd accepted—reminding me remarkably of Emmett.

My musings were brought to an abrupt halt when the bench I was sitting on suddenly wasn't there anymore, and I found myself toppling to the ground as a large mass threw itself over me.

I was about to scream when I felt a very, very long lick to the side of my face, and soon the animal was lapping its disgusting tongue all over my face.

"Get off!" I shouted, but couldn't help but giggle. The dog ignored me and continued lapping at my face, while I tried unsuccessfully to push it off.

"Jake!" The very firm voice called and I froze, as did the animal's tongue. Mid-lick. Ugh.

I recognized that voice. And as I looked up from where I was pinned to the ground I looked into the dog's dark brown eyes I felt my own well with tears.

_Jakey_?

I didn't even realize I'd said it aloud until he started licking me again, this time with renewed fervor, barking loudly between every lap.

"Jake," The velvet voice, exasperated now, was closer, but his face was obscured by Jake's large, beautiful head.

I laughed as Edward pulled Jacob off of me, Jake fighting with all his strength to get back at me.

"Some things never change, huh?" He laughed, the sound sending tingles down my spine. He lent me his arm in a very gentlemanly fashion, helping me off the ground.

"And some things do." I said in amazement. "How old is he now?"

"About three and a half." He said proudly, almost fatherly.

He let go of Jake's collar and he immediately came over to me again, looking up at me through eyes that could almost be human.

The last time I'd seen this dog was the day I'd left… and my God had he grown. Jake was a wolf—an actual, honest-to-God wolf, and a huge one at that, with dark, thick brown fur.

"He's huge." I murmured, trying to dispel the disappointment settled in my chest. This dog was supposed to be a sign of our love, of our marriage, of how much we'd loved each other. And I'd missed so much time with him. I know I sounded like a total dork for even thinking it, but he'd grown up without me there. I felt like I'd failed as a mother….dog.

Edward caught the depressed look in my eyes. "Don't worry." He assured me, patting Jake's back, "He obviously still remembers you… and loves you."

I smiled, leaning down to run my fingers through the fur atop Jake's head.

"Hey, big guy." I whispered, and without knowing I was even crying I felt the teardrops run down my cheeks. "You've gotten so…" I struggled for the right word, "beautiful."

He gave me a haughty, proud look and I could have sworn he stood up a little straighter.

I giggled and wiped at my tears.

Jacob gave my cheek another lick, as though in understanding, then turned to Edward.

He looked between the two of us for a moment, and left me gaping like a fish when he gave us both a look that was almost…expectant.

I found myself standing there comfortably for a moment before the awkwardness set in like stone.

Here I was, at the park, standing next to the ex-husband that cheated on me and my old dog.

How fucking weird.

"So," Edward said conversationally, reproachfully, as though he'd felt the discomfort as soon as I had. "What are you doing here?"

I stood sputtering embarrassingly for a moment before rocking on my heels. "I just had lunch with Rose." I said, patting Jake as he nuzzled his nose into my hand.

"Ah." He smiled, "Yes, she was quite taken with you at the reception."

"She's incredibly charming." I offered.

He laughed throatily, "Incredibly outspoken and pig-headed, you mean."

I smiled genuinely. "That as well. She's opinionated, that's for sure."

He nodded good-naturedly.

"So, anyway, I just figured that I'd take in some scenery before I went home to cook supper… This place is still just as bland as it's always been, isn't it?" I giggled.

"It is." He laughed along. "Your father is still making you cook for him?" He asked mischievously.

I gave him a look that meant to funny business. "He doesn't make me. I like to think that just for a few weeks out of the year he's well-fed. Although I don't have to worry about it as much now that Sue's been around."

He furrowed his brows for a moment before sighing. "That makes sense, I suppose."

"So what about you? What are you doing in a park in the middle of the afternoon?"

He nodded towards Jake. "Well, we _were_ taking a walk." He shook his head in exasperation. "But, as you can see, we got a little side-tracked. I'm sorry for that, by the way. He's usually not so…rude."

I laughed. "It's fine. Really. I didn't like the makeup I was wearing, anyway."

He grinned at me and I found myself grinning back at our easy banter. It felt…right. And wrong.

And I really needed to start fucking making up my mind.

"Well," I said suddenly, shaking my head. "I should probably be going."

I tried not to see the disappointment in his eyes—I really did. "Yeah, okay." He said flatly.

"I'll see you…around?" I didn't mean for it to come out as a question, but it did anyway.

"Yeah." He nodded. "How long will you be in town for?" His voice was hopeful.

I sighed. "Edward…"

"Bella." He pleaded. "Please. I'd like for us to meet up sometime before you go back to Seattle… maybe discuss what happened over a cup of coffee or even brunch—"

"I don't think that's a good idea." I said, my voice breaking.

He looked at me, shattered. "_Please_."

"I have to go now." I began walking in the direction of my car.

"You have to let me explain at some point!" He yelled, even though I was only just yards away. "You can't just fucking leave again! God damnit, Bella!"

I didn't even realize he'd run after me until his arm grabbed my coat and he pulled me toward him.

I looked up at him, shocked.

"Will you please stop running away from me?" He whispered brokenly, both hands gripping my arms like a lifeline.

"What the fuck is there to talk about anyway?" I said harshly, gritting my teeth.

He shook his head. "You never let me—you ran right away without even letting me explain—"

"What is there to explain?" I yelled, smacking his hands away and grabbing him by his jacket lapels. "You cheated on me, damnit! What the hell else is there to explain? What? You want to tell me _why _you did it? Make up some lame fucking excuse that you think I'll buy and then we'll live happily ever after? Huh!" I shoved him and slapped him hard across the face.

He let out a strangled, cold laugh. His voice was harsh, "You didn't die that day, Bella." He said, grabbing my shoulders and pulling me to him. "You weren't the one that died." He choked, no longer able to hold back to emotion.

The sobs shook my body before I had a chance to hold them back and I was in his arms, his face buried in my neck with our arms wrapped around each other. His tears were warm and wet against my neck despite the chill in the air.

I held onto him desperately, afraid to ever let go.

Jake circled around our feet nervously, unsure of what to do. Finally he took residence rubbing up against both of our legs, hiding his face between us.

"I'm sorry." Edward eventually whispered, "I'm so fucking sorry."

I nodded against him and gave him one last squeeze before I looked up into his eyes.

They said everything he couldn't at the moment, and I nodded once more at him.

"I am too." I murmured, prying my hands from him. They stung as though I'd ripped them from their only place in this world.

He nodded, his eyes careful.

"But I will never, _ever _forgive you for what you did to me. To _us_."

Those were the last words I whispered before I walked away and got in my car, driving towards my fathers' house.

I wiped at my dried tears and fought new ones with all my might.

"_What the hell are you doing, Bella?"_ I whispered into the air as I got out of the car. _"What the hell do you think you're doing?_"

* * *

**A/N: Draaaammaaaa**

**Happy Valentine's Day, guys! Hope you enjoyed.**

**Review :D **


	8. Shopping and Convincing

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters...unfortunately. :D**

**It's been a while since i've updated so...here ya go. ;D**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

"Good morning, bells." Mike murmured, lifting his cup of coffee and chugging it down. Black. No sugar. I had no idea how he did it.

"Morning." I answered, moving my Cheerios around the bowl with my spoon without even eating them.

"Alice called your cell phone when you were in the shower." He said, sitting down across from me and rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah?" I looked up.

"Yeah. Said you should call her back when you get the chance."

"Huh." I murmured.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Please, _please _do not go back to the zombie-state."

"What are you talking about?"

"That place you go inside your own head where nothing around you registers or processes." He shook his head and took my hand across the small table, leaning in close. "Do _not _pull away from me. If being here means you're in pain, we can go back to Seattle tonight. I refuse to lose you_. Again_."

I nodded, wiping away the tears running down my cheeks. "I won't. I'm fine. I promise."

He looked at me skeptically.

"I'm serious." I looked him straight in the eye. "I'm sorry, Mike. I've just…been a little distracted.

"It's just…" He trailed off. "This was supposed to be a time away for us and it just feels like …we're getting farther apart."

He shook his head and cleared his throat. "It feels like I've lost you before I even got a hold of you."

I stood up, putting my plates in the sink. "I'm your girlfriend, Mike. I don't know what else to tell you." It was cold, but I was just so done with this conversation.

"Yeah," He muttered, his lips running along my temple, "but do you _want _to be?"

For that question, I had no answer.

Eventually we decided the lounge around in my room and watch a movie or two. We'd gotten through the first one when I began zoning out.

"We should get up." He whispered after a while.

I felt the bed shift as he got out of it, heading to the bathroom for his shower.

It was only when I heard the bathroom door click that I bunched up the covers in my hands and sobbed into them, unable to hold back anymore.

I was questioning everything and anything now. And I hated it.

And I hated that I felt this way.

And I hated Forks and fucking rain and darkness.

I hated Edward for cheating on me.

I hated myself for losing a child…_our_ child…

It was then that the pain became too much to bear, and in my exhaustion I finally fell into a fitful mid-morning sleep, only to be woken up by the shrill ring of my cell phone.

"Hello?" I croaked into the receiver.

"Bella?" A chipper voice answered. "Have you taken up smoking cigars?" She said teasingly.

"Alice!" I felt a smile light up my face and then I coughed to clear my throat. "Sean told me you'd called. How was your honeymoon?"

"Oh," She sighed dramatically, "A week in Montepulchiano and Venice with Jasper. It was heavenly. Plus, I'm not even gonna begin to tell you what that boy can do with his—"

"Too much information there, Al." I laughed.

"Anyhoo," she chirped, "I was planning on making a trip to Port Angeles today to check out this cute little new boutique they've got up there, and I was wondering if you wanted to have a girls' day."

"Shopping." I groaned.

She laughed evilly. "It won't kill you to come shopping with me, Bella!" She whined, "I haven't seen you in…oh, God only knows how many years now! The least you can do is come shopping with me!"

"It's been like three years, Alice." I groaned, "And plus, what would Mike do while I was away?"

"What has he been doing for the last week while you were away?"

I shifted nervously. "He's been visiting old friends and some rel—"

"Great!" She squealed. "He can just keep doing that! He had quite a few friends back in the day, I'm sure he'll find something to do." She began rambling. "Oh, gosh, we're just gonna have so much fun. Just me and you! Just like old times, Bella."

"You manipulative little fairy." I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

She giggled maniacally. "So what time am I picking you up?"

* * *

"Maybe this one…" She held up the barely-there garment to my body.

"Alice..!" I groaned, stomping my foot like a petulant child. "When you told me we were going to a boutique you never mentioned we would be shopping for lingerie!"

"Oh, pish posh, you party-pooper. You're dating now…You need inspiration."

"At a lingerie store?"

"Oh, shut up." She said, bouncing up and down like a little terrier or something. "Oooh! I bet you look really good in red." I shook my head, ready to find the nearest gun store. "No? Then how about navy blue? Or like a dark, rich, blue? That always looks good on you. Or—so I'm told."

I popped open one eye to see her flutter around the small shop like a little pixie, holding up various items and then putting them back down.

"Told by who?" I asked skeptically.

She narrowed her eyes. "Don't make me say his name, Bella. I know it hurts you to talk about him."

"Your brother." I said flatly, "Told you to take me lingerie shopping."

"No." She said lightly, testing the fabric on one garment. "He told me to butter you up, talk to you."

I groaned. "He didn't."

She dropped what she was holding back onto the table and looked at me seriously. "I think you really need to talk to him, Bella."

"Not you, too."

"Yes. I really honestly think you'd be surprised at what you'd hear. You never gave him a chance to explain—"

"Alice." I held up my hand. "Enough. I'm done talking about this. Just pick something so we can get out of here."

She pouted. "You're really upsetting him, you know."

"I don't care." I said, the words tasting immediately sour and untrue.

"Yes you do." She nodded her head, taking my chin between her dainty little fingers and examining my face. "I know you. And you do care."

I gave her a blank look as she held up another scrap of lace.

"And dark blue is your color, by the way. So go try it on."

I didn't bother arguing, for some reason I knew it'd get me nowhere.

* * *

After Alice bought of basically half the store, and I bought a few of the less racier items just to get her off my back, we went to eat lunch at a little café along one of the main streets in the town.

"So," Alice said conversationally, setting down her Peach Bellini and staring directly at me, "how are you liking Seattle?"

I smiled softly. "It's a lot different from Forks, that's for sure. But the hustle and bustle of the big city was exactly what I needed I think."

She nodded. "How did you and Mike meet—again?'

I laughed at her sour expression. "He was in college working as a waiter at this little place I went to almost every day… I was shocked to see him." I shook my head, "But we got to talking and…"I trailed off.

"Do you love him?" She asked skeptically.

I almost choked on my Bellini. "You're brother asked me the same thing." I said, changing the subject.

"Yet you can't just give a straight answer, can you? It's simple, Bella. Do you love him or not?"

"I don't know."I murmured, looking away.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you think you're doing the right thing, Bella." She demanded.

I huffed, making eye-contact. "I'm trying to live my life. I'm doing the best I can. And who knows? Maybe someday Mike and I will eventually turn into something…"

She shook her head sadly. "I've known you all my life, Bella Swan. And that means I know when you're lying and telling the truth. I could probably tell if you were lying if I was blindfolded and handcuffed. So, that also means I know that right now, right at that very moment, you were lying through your teeth."

"I don't have to explain anything to you." I said, and it was a little harsher than it should have been.

"No, you don't." She agreed. "But I know you enough to know you're digging yourself a hole that's going to get progressively harder to fill back up again."

I started to talk but she held up her dainty hand. "So you may grow to love Mike, who knows? But I know—and you know it too, somewhere in there, that you won't ever really move on until you know what actually happened, Bella."

I looked at her, my face burning in anger. "Why does everyone keep saying that? What is there to explain? He _CHEATED,_ Alice! He _cheated _on me!"

"You need to talk to him." She said, her voice unwavering. "I promised him I wouldn't say anything."

"That's fucking bullshit!" I slammed my hand down hard on the table. Alice neither flinched nor acknowledged my anger.

"You need to talk to him." She repeated, taking a sip of her drink. "You'll regret it if you don't."

I shook my head, angry at myself for being manipulated.

"And just what does he think he'll accomplish by talking about it? He thinks that if he gives me some lame-ass excuse that I'll just forgive him? That I'll forgive him for cheating on me? For betraying me? No fucking way. He made up his mind a long time ago and I've made up mine."

"He's not trying to excuse anything, Bella. He wants to talk. You want closure. What the hell can you lose by just giving him a chance and talking to him?"

"What can I lose?" I sucked in a breath, traitor tears flowing down my cheeks. "I can lose my heart again, Alice. And I can't lose that again. Not after…not after everything. I just can't."

"Oh, Bella." She reached out and took my hand above the table, giving it a firm squeeze. "Edward wants the exact same thing you do, you just haven't realized it yet. Only he wants his heart _back_, Bella. He wants you to just give him a few hours so he can explain. So he can…get it all out. And then form your own opinions. If you don't talk to him you know in your heart that you'll regret it forever."

I knew she was right. I knew that I needed to talk to him, and that I'd forever regret it if I didn't.

"I know you're right, Alice. It's just—hard."

She let out a humorless laugh. "Hasn't anyone ever told you, Bella? _Life is hard_."

Yeah, I think I _had_ heard that somewhere before.

"Now, c'mon," She said, taking away her hand and picking up her menu. "This is girl's day. We can't very well ruin it will all these tears now, can we?"

Despite everything the rest of the day managed to go smoothly.

Somehow Alice manipulated me into going into about five more stores before the day was done, but thankfully most of it was for her and Bella-Barbie had the afternoon off.

The drive home was neither tense nor sad, but happy and filled with conversation.

I was reminded of the days back when we could just do this…just be happy.

And it was really just exhilarating.

I knew I needed to talk to Edward about our marriage, about what went wrong.

But I didn't want to think about that at the moment.

So I simply let Alice make me laugh with funny stories and memories. I leaned my head back against the seat, wondering when my life had gotten so complicated.

Somehow I knew—I just knew—that something was going to happen soon.

Things had to change—something had to give.

I wondered, almost fearfully, when that was, and what that would be when it got here.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you liked it!**

**Things are starting to really speed up! haha. **

**Review. It makes me happy. :D **

**Thank you so much for reading. **


	9. Familiar Faces

**DISCLAIMER: Twilight (aka these characters) all belong to Stephenie Meyer. This storyline is mine, however. Please respect that. **

**A/N: I know it's been a long time, but i'm not going to bother giving any excuses considering no one ever reads these. (I know I don't)**

**So i'm just gonna let you get on with it! :D**

**Enjoy...**

* * *

"Earth to Bella Swan." Mike said, exasperated, waving his hand in front of my face.

"Sorry, Mike." I murmured, pushing his hand out of the way. "What were you saying?"

He sighed in exasperation and moved about the room, picking up random articles of clothing.

"I have to go back to Seattle for a few days."

My head shot up. "Why?"

"Something happened at the machinery plant and a machine needs fixed. I have to go help."

"Oh." I got up and followed him down the stairs, holding out his coat as he shrugged it on.

"I'll see you in a few days, Bella." He leaned down and gave me a soft kiss before walking out the door.

I stood in the frame watching the car drive away.

"What happened?" I jumped at my father's voice behind me.

I smiled at the confused look on his face. "Emergency at work." Then I shrugged nonchalantly.

I didn't bother mentioning to my father that Mike was still just an intern having only finished college a few months back, ergo having absolutely no reason for them to need _him_ to fix a broken machine.

Around eleven in the morning I decided to run into town to get some groceries for this Italian chicken I wanted to make Charlie for supper.

I'd seen the recipe on Food Network earlier that morning and I really wanted to try it out.

My old gas guzzler of a truck roared down Main Street, a few people turning in annoyance then waving because, well, in a town this small, everyone knows the police chief's daughter.

I got all the ingredients at the local supermarket right smack dab in the middle of Forks. It was also one of two stores in this grand ole town.

Gas was my next stop—even though I'd just gotten some the other day. The price I payed to drive around my old rusted—yet very character filled and reliable—Chevy.

Since the pumps were about as old as my truck I had to go into the store to pay for it. I noticed a silver car in my peripheral and my stomach sank into my feet.

Stupid shiny Volvo.

"Bella!" I heard and winced.

Option one: I could keep walking, pretending I didn't hear him, and hide in the girl's bathroom until I was sure he'd left.

Option two: I could turn around and deal with the awkward small-talk and whatever else would come with talking to my ex-husband.

Option three: I could pick up one of the pies on the display shelf in the window of the gas station, turn around and hurl it at his face.

I chose option two. Option three was my favorite.

I turned and plastered a polite smile on my face. "Hi, Edward."

His eyes were bright, excited. His cheeks were flushed from the cold of the air, for it had just started snowing yesterday.

Great.

"Fancy seeing you here." He held the door open in a gentlemanly fashion and I thanked him quietly as I stepped through.

I smiled at him, knowing it was my turn to talk. "So, er…how have you been in the past—two days?"

He laughed, a quiet, musical sound. The corners of my mouth twitched just hearing it.

"Good, good." He nodded. "Only I'm just a bit better now." He winked.

I tried to ignore how my knees went wobbly and I felt an oh-so familiar tingling in an interesting part of my anatomy.

"Edward…" I sighed.

"Sorry." He murmured, "I'm just…it feels so natural to just be—" He struggled for words. "I know I have no right to feel…_normal _around you. But I do." He ran a nervous hand through his unruly hair. "Being around you just…it seems like old times."

"It's not." I said, picking up a bag of chips from one of the shelves and sending him a look.

He held up his hands in surrender. "I'm trying to be honest with you here, darl—Bella."

I let out a bitter laugh. "So _now_ you're going to be honest, huh?"

He looked frustrated. "Bella—" I didn't realize how close we'd gotten to each other until he pressed up against me. I didn't have time to be relieved that no one was really around to see or hear us in the aisle we were in. "I want—I _need_ to make you understand."

"What the fuck is there to understand, Edward?" I poked him in the chest.

He leaned down to my level, and I felt his warm breath on my face. For a moment I was flummoxed by him, unable to move or form a rational thought. I could almost feel his smooth, velvet lips on my own…

"Did you cheat on me?" I whispered.

"Bells—"

"No excuses, no beating around the bush." I took a step away so I could get my bearings, but I kept my eyes on him, unrelenting. "Did you have sex with Tanya, Edward?" It was barely a whisper, but it had the effect of a wrecking ball.

Edward's face crumpled in an instant, his green eyes almost begging me not to have asked him that.

"Answer me, Edward."

He shook his head back and forth slowly as I saw his eyes fill with agony.

"Liar." I spat. "I saw the fucking panties, Edward. They were in your _drawer."_ I hissed.

"I never-" He finally spoke.

"Tell me the truth." I whispered, furious.

"I am..."

I brought my chin up in defiance and stalked away from him to the front counter, paying for my gas and chips before flying out the door.

I knew he was following me to my truck, but I didn't turn back in fear he'd see my pain—I didn't want him to see how much he'd broken me.

I threw the bag of chips in the front seat of my truck and wrenched open the driver's side door.

A white hand flashed out to stop me. "Bella."

"No." I'm sure I wasn't the only one who heard my voice crack embarrassingly.

"Bella, please."

"You can't deny it, can you?" I looked up at him tearfully. "You and her—you cheated on me."

His eyes glistened with unshed tears. "Yes, but-"

The sob that ripped out of my throat neither sounded like me or any other human for that matter.

"Bella, please." He gasped, holding my door open. I tried with all my strength to pry it off my door.

I needed to get out of there.

"Please. Let me explain, Bella, please. We can—we can work it out. I know we can. Oh, God, baby, please. Please. Just give me an hour of your time."

"Why should I give you even an hour, Edward?"

"Because you should. Because I was your husband and you left without anything. You took everything important to me with you when you left, Bella. I've not been the same since you were gone. And I just need you to trust me enough to let me tell you what happened—what _really_ happened. I know you have this—affair in your mind, but it wasn't that, really. You need to just…listen to me. For an hour. That's all. Then you can go back to your life and Newton or whatever."

"An hour?"

He sighed in relief. "One hour."

I looked down at my watch. "Then you have sixty minutes starting now."

"Meet me at Missy's." He said, referring to the diner downtown.

"Sixty mintues." I reminded him, getting in my truck and listening to the engine roar to life.

* * *

"Okay, Cullen…" I began, after the waitress walked away. Not before flirting with Edward, of course—though I was impressed when he paid her no mind.

Looking around the old diner I was neither surprised nor unsurprised by how little had changed since the last time I'd been here.

It had been with Edward's mother, Esme, after we'd gone shopping for the annual "Superbowl" supper. Every year during the Superbowl all the Cullen's would come to our house and we'd have dinner and watch the game all day. It was a fond memory in my mind, Emmett hollering and swearing—followed shortly by either Esme or Carlisle sternly telling him to watch his mouth—Alice flitting around the house with me, chatting, and Edward always helping me clean up no matter how much of the game he'd be missing.

I was lucky that I'd had in-laws like them. There wasn't one of them I couldn't stand—or who despised me or anything dumb like that. Carlisle and Esme had been my second parents since birth practically and Emmett and Alice were—in every way- siblings. Even Jasper, Alice's longtime boyfriend fit with all of us, despite his southern drawl and his quirky since of humor.

Esme and I had sat in this very booth discussing dips and cheeses and family and love.

How ironic that I now sat with her son trying to get over a marriage gone so horribly wrong.

Edward wringed his hands together on the table in front of him nervously, not knowing where to begin.

"You only have 47 minutes now, Edward." I reminded him gently, trying to lighten the mood.

He gasped out a laugh, letting out a huge sigh then reaching for my hand across the table. I kept it still warily then finally let him take it into his.

There was something so familiar about the gesture that it almost brought tears to my eyes. To an oblivious onlooker, we'd seem as though we were in love, married, having a brief dinner before going home with each other.

If only they'd knew.

"I guess I should probably start out by saying how sorry I am for doing this…to us." He took a deep breath to steady his shaking voice.

"It all started about two months after…"He stopped, looking at me carefully.

"The miscarriage?" I filled lamely.

He swallowed loudly and I saw the pain on his face. "Yeah, around two months after the miscarriage."

"I met Tanya Denali at a medical conference in Pheonix. Remember when I went to that?"

"Yeah..?" I stated carefully.

"Well, she was there and she attended the conference as well. I didn't even notice her, to be honest. She was fake and blond—you know how that bugs me—and she was just...bogus. I seriously didn't even give her a second glance."

I wondered, briefly, if this was going to be too much for me. But I knew I had to hear it. I found myself taking a deep breath and Edward squeezed my hand, his regret written all over his face.

"I'm sorry if this is too much for you." He said sympathetically, his green orbs scorching.

"No, no. I, uh, I want you to keep going."

"Are you sure?"

I laughed without humor. "No, but I need you to keep going."

He smiled sadly, giving my hand another quick squeeze. I tried to ignore the electric current passing through our skin.

"So we had to come back for another conference the next day and it went well, again, I didn't even really pay attention to her. I just wanted to come home to you. I was so worried about you back at home and…" He shook his head. "Anyway, as I was stepping outside she just walked up to me and asked if I was Carlisle Cullen's son. It turns out our families knew each other from a few years back and she and I used to play together as children."

"How cozy." I muttered dryly.

"More like ironic." He shot me a look.

I shut my mouth so he could continue.

"So, anyhow, I agreed to dinner just simply to shut her up—god, you have no idea how much she could talk—and…"

"Bella! Edward!"

Oh, no, please tell me I imagined that horrid nasally voice.

* * *

**A/N: A little Edward action in this one, huh? *smirks***

**_Review_ please, because I absolutely love getting them from you. (And i know you hear this from everyone but it really DOES inspire me to write more) Writer's Block SUCKS!**

**I don't have chapter ten written yet, but i'm getting there. :D**

**Until next time...**


	10. Forbidden Fruit

**Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Unfortunately. :D**

**A/N: **

**Chapter 10, Forbidden Fruit. **

**This one may surprise you a little. Or piss you off, I can never tell. **

**See you at the bottom. **

* * *

"_So, anyhow, I agreed to dinner just simply to shut her up—god, you have no idea how much she could talk—and…" _

"_Bella! Edward!" _

_Oh, no, please tell me I imagined that horrid nasally voice. _

If there was one person I couldn't stand in high school, one person I avoided at all costs—even if it meant going to long way to bio-chem and waiting outside the cafeteria until the line was really long—it was Jessica Stanley.

She was the nails-on-the-chalkboard voice that haunted my dreams, and the one that had always, _always_—no matter where (even at our wedding)—flirted with Edward.

I heard her stripper heels clonking on the linoleum as she strutted—more like jerked—over to Edward and I. The way she walked reminded me of one of those flailing fish that flopped all around on dry land. Only diagonal. It was hard to watch.

"_Edwardddd_." She giggled in that awful way of hers.

He grimaced. "Hello, Jessica."

She smiled smugly as if just by him saying her name he'd paid her the biggest compliment in the world. Then she turned to me.

"And Isabella Cullen."

"Swan." I corrected automatically—for the hundredth time this week—but I felt like an ass when I saw Edward recoil in my peripheral as if I'd just kicked him.

"Right, right. I think you mentioned that before." Jessica said, clueless.

She looked back and forth between Edward and I, her eyes alight with the gossip she'd no doubt run off and tell all her little cronies.

"So you two are having lunch together, huh?" Edward and I exchanged a glance. "Must be awkward, you know, after you two were married." I nearly slapped her but I felt Edward's foot settle on mine under the table. Not a completely welcome gesture, but it calmed me no less. "And after the divorce and all… jeeze, Bella you really _have _changed a lot. You were okay before, but wow, I mean you really are pretty and…"

"Jessica." Edward growled from between clenched teeth. "I think Bella and I were in the middle of a conversation. So if you wouldn't mind…" He made a shooing motion with his hands and I resisted the urge to laugh aloud.

Jessica gave a huff, realizing she wasn't wanted—not that that had ever stopped her before—and made a show of flicking her hair over her shoulder and swaying her hips as she walked away.

I turned to Edward, my smile large.

"You're my hero, y'know that?"

He faced me, his annoyance now replaced with a smile that matched my own.

"Her voice…it just makes me crazy. Mom always taught me to be polite, y'know? To be a gentleman. But that girl…it's almost impossible."

I laughed, shaking my head. "I used to purposely ignore her in high school. I'd always have to go the long way to French and Biochemistry and just about every other class we had together, because she'd always be yapping in my ear the whole way. I couldn't stand it. It was worth being late a few times—I just didn't want to hear her mouth."

Edward grinned at my story. "I know you did. I knew back then how much you hated her. I'd detain her sometimes on purpose, because I hated how much she bothered you. Those kind of people…they're like leeches. They find a strong-minded person like you, someone they can follow, because they just can't live their own lives. They need someone to copy. It's exhausting to watch."

The waitress picked that moment to bring out our food, setting it in front of us and leaning down so her cleavage went right into Edward's face.

He politely scooted closer to the wall in the booth, his eyes on me the whole time.

Eventually, flirty waitress took the hint and left—finally.

We had only started indulging in our food when Edward wiped his mouth with his napkin and began talking once more.

"Where were we? Oh, yeah… So I went out to dinner with Tanya, solely to shut her up. She had one of those voices like Jessica and Lauren." He visibly shuddered. "It practically made my ears bleed. We talked about inconsequential things during dinner. It wasn't a very nice place, though the food wasn't terrible. I didn't feel anything, though, Bella. That's what you're not grasping. I didn't feel _anything _for her. Sitting there with her then, I felt numb. I wanted to go home. I wanted to see my wife."

I interrupted him. "Then why didn't you, Edward? Why didn't you at least call me?"

He shook his head, looking down at the table then back up at me, as if to summon the strength to continue.

"You were—for lack of a better word—_dead_."

Ouch. That one stung.

He saw me flinch. "I'm sorry, Bella." He took my hand from across the table and held it between his own. They were warm, soft, but calloused at the tips. I found myself drawing strength from those hands, examining them as he looked at my face.

"It's no excuse, but, I felt as though I was losing you. It was—_unbearable._ We'd just lost a child, and now I was losing my wife. The most important thing to me in the world…"

I looked up, puzzled as to why he'd stopped. Then I noticed that the waitress had come by with the check. I had barely touched my food, yet I found that I wanted to leave the diner.

I didn't want to stay here another minute.

"Can we go somewhere else?" I asked, anxiously.

He seemed confused. "Um, sure…let me just pay for this…we'll go to the park or something."

"No." I found the word slipping out of my mouth before I could stop it. "No, I don't want to go to the park. I don't want people around, Edward. I feel like this is too—private."

He nodded in understanding, but I could see the wheels turning in his head.

"Well, if you didn't mind…we could always go to my place."

I was about to reject with a resolute "hell no" when I realized there was nowhere else private to go. It was his house or Charlie's and I honestly didn't want to chance having my father and Edward in the same room together.

That would have been catastrophic.

* * *

So that's how I found myself sitting on Edward's couch—our old couch—a cup of hot tea in my hands and Jake chewing happily on a bone at my feet.

The house looked exactly the same as I'd left it. And that terrified me.

There were pictures of us still sitting on the mantle…wedding gifts of quotes and pictures still hanging on the wall. One caught my eye.

"Live, Laugh, Love." I found myself saying aloud into the room. His aunt had gotten us that for our first anniversary.

Edward was watching me carefully, gauging my reactions. I saw him smile out of the corner of my eye.

"I liked that one the most, you know."

"Why?" I found myself asking. It wasn't the most philosophical quote I'd ever read. Just simple. Short. Nice I guess, but nowhere near my favorite.

"Because," He scooted a little closer to me so he could set his cup on the coffee table in front of us—the one I'd picked out at _Shultz_ myself—and grinned. "It reminded me of you. After you left—" He coughed to hide his voice breaking, "I would sit here, on this couch for hours staring at that quote. At our pictures. And that quote was so…_you_. Before everything, of course. You were always so alive. It's one of the reasons I…"

I knew he was about to say 'one of the reasons I love you' but he caught himself. I wasn't used to see him struggling for words this much. "_Anyway_… and you always laughed. And your laugh, my God, it could bring me to my knees. There was something to melodic about it… so _beautiful_ and just graceful."

I ducked my head to hide the tears that were beginning to brim in my eyes.

I didn't want to hear this.

I didn't want to hear how much he loved me.

"Graceful?" I laughed, dispelling some of the tension.

He smiled, and without even realizing it he brushed the hair from my cheek. "Yes, graceful. You were always graceful to me. Even in your clumsiest moments. You just have this air about you when you walk…"

I found myself hypnotized by his gaze.

"And you don't even see it… how magnificent you really are. How many men I'd have to chase away from you… you just draw people in. You drew me in."

"You're mistaken." I murmured, still lost in his green gaze. "You drew _me_ in."

He shook his head, and I was surprised when I found we were close enough that our arms were touching. When had he moved? Or was I the one that had moved?

He reached up, taking my face between his long, lovely fingers.

"How can you even think that?" He whispered. "How can you even think for one second that you were more enraptured by me than I was by you?"

He chuckled incredulously.

"You bewitched me, body and soul. Christ, I've been in love with you since Kindergarten… there's no way you could ever think that about yourself. You're so amazing, and so clueless…"

My eyes widened in wonder at his words. There was no one else in the world at this second. I couldn't find my brain. As hard and as long as I tried, it was nowhere to be found.

I was lost.

Lost in his eyes, lost in the way his body felt so, so warm against my own.

"Isabella," he whispered reverently, his lips so close to my own I could practically taste him. And oh, how good he tasted. I knew. I'd had plenty of experience in tasting him. "My lovely Bella…"

I wasn't dumb enough to think that he had been the one to connect our lips.

But suddenly, I didn't care.

Because I was on fire.

His lips were exactly as I'd remembered. Firm, like when he was angry or frustrated. Soft as silk in moments like these. Moments when he kissed, moments when he loved.

My fingers reached up and brushed his hair away from his face, moving to the back of his head and running roughly through the strands, pulling him closer to me. As if that were even possible.

He tasted of liquid honey and mint, and a taste that was just so uniquely his. I'd almost forgotten how good he tasted—something I'd regretted immensely. I don't think I ever really disregarded it from my mind, though. It was like riding a bike. You'd never really _forget_ it.

His skin tasted the same, I knew, as did a few other things.

His arms wrapped around me firmly, holding me so closely and so tightly to his body I was surprised I didn't suffocate from lack of air.

Speaking of which…

I dragged my lips away from his briefly, intending to bring my mouth back to his own after some much-needed carbon dioxide.

But that air filling my lungs was like a slap in the face, like a bucket of cold water being dumped on my head.

I kissed Edward.

Oh shit. Oh fuck, oh shit, oh fuck fuck fuck!

His lips were at my neck now, trailing wet kisses down to the base of my throat, completely unaware of my revelation.

I pushed him away so quickly that he barely had time to show surprise.

I was up off the couch in the next second, and storming into the foyer to grab my coat. I had it halfway on before Edward had gotten control of himself and ran into the room behind me.

"Bella, baby, what's wrong?"

I growled low in my throat with hatred. "What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG? Fuck, let me think, EVERYTHING."

He looked at me, puzzled, reaching out to grab hold of my arm. "Darling, don't do this. Please. Stay here, Bella. Stay with me."

"Edward!" I exclaimed, pushing him away and jabbing my finger in his face. "I hate you! Don't you understand that!"

"I do." He nodded, reaching for me again. "I do understand. And I hate that you hate me. But I love you, Bella. Try to understand…"

I resisted the urge to cover my ears and begin screaming like a five-year-old.

"Fuck you!" I spat. "I should never have come here. This was such a mistake! I'm moving on, Edward. I'm moving right along and you're going to have to get used to that. I have a_ chance_," I had to stop because my voice broke, "I have a chance at happiness—_finally_—and you're not going to take that away from me. I hate you. I'll never love you again!"

"No, Bella." Edward shook his head, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. "Don't say that. I _know _you felt that in there. I _know_ you did… just please, give me a chance. Give _us_ a chance again. Baby, I love you."

"Will you stop saying that?" I growled, stalking for the front door.

"No, I'll never stop saying that. I'm always going to be here, Bella. Waiting. You have your chance at happiness, and I'm not going to take that away from you. If _Mike Newton_ makes you happy then be with him. But I want you to know that you were it for me. No one—_no one_—will ever replace you in my heart."

"Let me go, Edward." I sobbed openly now, wrenching open the door. "Just fucking let me go."

I didn't look back at him as I walked briskly down the walkway we'd made ourselves. I just barely heard him say as I got back into my car,

"No, I'll never let you go again."

* * *

**A/N: Phew, is anyone else exhausted? **

**Anyhoo, the last chapter, reviews were a little slim. I really hate doing this, but if I think people aren't reading the story, I just can't spit words out into chapters. So if I don't get a certain amount of reviews each chapter, I'll wait until I do to post the next one. **

**To those of you who review religously, thank you. You keep my writer's block at bay. **

**Thank you for reading. **

**Until next time...**


	11. Just Like Old Times

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight series and all of its characters. All rights go to her. **

**A/N: I know you guys have been waiting a long time and I decided to get this chapter done so I could post it. **

**I didn't get a chance to have my beta read it over for mistakes, so I'm sorry if it sucks. :D**

**We're introduced to the meadow in this scene and believe it or not, there's even a smidge of Edward action at the end. **

**If you're anything like me you live for that. haha!**

**See you at the bottom!**

* * *

The next morning I didn't get out of bed for a very long time. I could still feel him and his scent protruded my senses. If I concentrated hard enough, I could still feel his kiss burning on my lips.

I brought my hands to my mouth, almost as if touching them would squash these memories. I knew I'd never forget, though. That kiss would be burned into my brain for the rest of my life.

I sat there staring up at my ceiling, trying to find the urge to get up or move or anything. I couldn't.

Memories hit me like a never-ending stream of lightning strikes and I clenched my eyes tightly together. It wasn't long, though, before I could almost feel the sunshine on my skin as we ran through the forest, our young legs pumping as fast as they could go.

"_Edward!" I yelled, giggling, as he dragged me along behind him. With as many times as I almost fell, I was practically dead weight to him, but he persevered as brilliantly as his seven year-old self could. _

_I had only just turned five the day before, and I was feeling very proud about it if I did say so myself. _

"_C'mon, Bella," he turned around to smile at me, his few crooked baby teeth gleaming in the light of this rare but beautiful day in Forks, Washington. _

"_Edward," I wined, but secretly I didn't mind. I loved going on adventures when it was just Edward and I. They were so much better than having to drag everyone else along. _

"_Be patient, my Bella! We're almost there!"_

"_Almost where, Edward?" I grumped, knowing my mom would be mad about my torn and muddy stockings but unable to find it inside myself to care. _

"_You'll see." _

_It wasn't long before we came upon a small, perfectly round meadow. As we stepped out of the cover of the trees, I was instantly bewitched by the sun shining on the grass, and the wind making the tall flowers sway lazily. _

_It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen up until that point. _

_It wasn't until much later (in my late teenage years) that Edward's "cum face" became the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, but for now this would suffice. _

"_Oh." I whispered softly, reverently, Edward's hand still tight in mine. _

"_It's really pretty, isn't it?" he mused, ruffling my hair. "I found it a few days ago when dad took me and Emmett on a hike up here."_

_I smiled softly, my legs slowly making their way through the tall grass. Edward unwrapped the blanket he'd brought with us in his back pack, flattening the grass as he spread it out. _

"_I brought us some munchies." He grinned, as if he was the smartest person in the world. And he really was, in my mind. _

_He pulled out a full bag of Doritos and several other junk food products. Then he brought out two Capri-Suns out of the side pocket. Our favorite drink. I smiled at how in tune we were with the other, and how easy it was to be around Edward, unlike the other boys in my school. _

_We both laid out on the blanket, munching on the food and sipping our drinks. _

_We talked about things normal children do, like friends at school and when the next time Esme would take us to the park would be. _

_We laid there, our tiny shoulders touching, taking comfort in the other's presence, listening to each other talk. _

_Edward Anthony Cullen had to be my best friend in the whole world. _

_I vowed to my five year old self I'd never let anything come between us, that I'd never let that change as long as I lived. _

* * *

Mike still hadn't come back from his "work thing." I'd only called him a number of times, not really wanting to annoy him or seem clingy, but I missed the warmth that filled my bed at night that no amount of pillows or old stuffed animals could ever satisfy.

Yeah, I slept with my old Teddy Bear from when I was a kid. Sue me, I was lonely.

When I woke up on Tuesday I finally turned on my cell for the first time in a while.

6 missed calls, 5 voicemails and 15 unread messages.

It wasn't all that surprising. Most days when I'd wake up I'd flip open my phone and see close to that many from my boss or other employees on stories and possible prompts to write an entry about.

However, when I saw the contact name my heart skipped a beat.

Edward Cullen.

Why the hell would Edward have called me over and over again? When I checked the dates they all seemed to be from a few days ago—the day we kissed.

I winced in my head.

That damn kiss.

When I looked at the text messages, my heart nearly ripped in two.

_**Bella, whr r u? We need 2 talk…**_

_**I'm sorry, Bells. I'm so stupid.**_

_**We really really need 2 talk. **_

_**Call me. **_

_**Bella, why rnt u answering my calls? C'mon…**_

_**I don't regret the kiss. Call me. **_

He didn't regret the kiss. I scoffed. Well that was fantastic. I could sleep at night now knowing that he didn't regret that fucking kiss.

Not.

I wanted to curse myself for the butterflies that erupted in my stomach when I heard his velvet tone over my voicemail.

_Bella, honey, I know I have no right to be calling you. Alice gave me your number last night. *long pause* Shit, Bella, I'm scared I just fucked up any progress we may have been making. *sighs* Call me when you get this. _

_Bella, love. I don't want to keep talking to your voicemail. Talk to me. I owe you the rest of the explanation, if nothing else. I didn't want you to leave like that. I'm not saying I regret that kiss because I sure as hell don't. I haven't felt that at home since you left me, baby. Please, just call me, Bella. I promise I won't try anything again… I promise. _

The other three voicemails he left had the same tone, and the same pleading.

"Bells?" My dad's voice behind me made me jump about fifty feet in the air.

I put the phone down on the bed and turned toward my father, wiping at the tears that I didn't even know had fallen.

"Are you alright, Bella?" My father looked at me skeptically, one eyebrow raised.

I sniffled. "I never know anymore."

* * *

I never returned the phone calls.

As much as I wanted to hear his explanation in all its entirety, I couldn't help the nagging feeling of paranoia that I hadn't been able to shake since I'd gotten here.

It was a bad idea coming here. I'd known that from the start.

I deserved that explanation, though. I _needed _it. I was so close to being free I could taste it, yet for some unfamiliar reason I continually put off calling him back.

When I was being honest with myself, I didn't want to be rid of him yet. As horrid as that sounded, it was true to me in a sick way.

Even when he'd signed his perfect script on our divorce papers, Edward Anthony Cullen was still in my life, no matter how much I denied it.

He was everywhere I went.

He was in every man I saw walking toward me on the street and in every handsome man I saw on the subway on my way home from work.

It was about a week after I'd read his messages when I got a call from Alice inviting me to dinner that Thursday at the Cullen's.

I accepted under one condition: that Edward not be invited.

Alice agreed whole-heartedly and explained that Esme would never make me feel uncomfortable, especially not at the place I'd once called my second home.

That Thursday I arrived exactly at five—which was the time specified- and for some reason my stomach churned in nervousness. I couldn't understand why, I'd come here a million times and waltzed right in like I owned the place.

It had been so long, though, that I warred with myself over whether or not to ring the doorbell.

I didn't have to think long because before I could even knock the door swung open with a_ woosh_ and there stood Carlisle, looking as calm and charming as ever.

"Bella," He smiled, flashing me a smile so similar to Edward's my breath caught in my throat.

"Hello, Carlisle," I grinned, holding up the wine I brought for Esme. "It's great to see you."

"You too, kiddo," He pulled me into a fatherly hug, his scent incredibly familiar and comforting. "We've missed you."

"Bella?" I heard from the other side of the door and soon Esme appeared, her chesnut brown hair curled out at the bottom and bobbing up and down as she made her way over to me gracefully, pulling me into a hug.

"Hey, Esme," I grinned.

"Oh, Bella, darling! We're so glad you're here! I made your favorite you know, _italiano_," She smiled then looked contrite. "I'm sorry, dear. I mean, it used to be your favorite. I don't presume to know what you like best now…"

"It's fine, Esme," I smiled to show her how grateful I was she still remembered. "Italian is great. And yes, it's still my favorite."

She smiled, surprisingly smug that she'd gotten it right. Then she pulled me under her arm and lead me into the kitchen where the entire Cullen clan—sans Edward—were seated around the bar sipping iced tea and chit chatting.

I tried my very best to hold back the pleasant memories—the ones where Edward would have been the one to tuck me under his arm and lead me into the dining room with his family, keeping me securely under his arm all night whilst good times and laughter were exchanged.

And although this was slightly different and uncomfortable from all the other times I'd been here, it was nice nonetheless. I appreciated Carlisle and Esme's attempt at bringing me back into their family again—even if this time it wasn't by being married to their son.

"So, Bella," Emmett boomed in his usual boisterous voice. "What's the story about this Newton guy?"

I laughed lightly at his "let's get straight to business" attitude. This earned him a slap on the arm from Rose.

"Emmett! You big galoop! You don't just come out and ask that," everyone was silent for a few beats, then Rose continued. "So what the hell's up with this Newton kid, Bella?"

At this everyone laughed.

"He's just…Well, I mean, I guess we're not that serious… anymore. Or ever were, I suppose," They all waited for my sentences, staring at me unrelentlessly.

I stopped then, though, unsure what to say after that.

"He's not…"

"Edward." Alice finished, and my cheeks heated automatically.

I ducked my head and took a sip of my iced tea. "No. He's not."

It was silent for a only a few moments, but it felt like hours. No one moved, no one even seemed to breathe.

Finally, Jasper broke the silence.

"Well, I think it's time for some grub, whaddya say, Emmett?"

Emmett grinned, like nothing ever happened and beat his chest with his hand. "I say let's eat!"

We all laughed, me a little nervously, when I heard the front door slam.

"Mom!" A velvet voice yelled and everyone seemed to freeze as the tall, slim, auburn-haired boy walked through the doorframe in the kitchen. "Why is Bella's truck out fron-? Bella?"

His voice was shocked, and not just a little bit hurt.

His eyes moved from me to a very guilty looking Esme, and I automatically felt bad for insisting on them not inviting him.

Edward's eyes moved around the room, taking in the whole clan—everyone was invited but him.

I saw him swallow thickly and his Adam's apple bobbed as it usually did when he got angry.

"What the fuck is going on here?"

* * *

**A/N: Yikes, I think Edward's pissed! :D **

**Sorry for the cliffie, but I gotta keep you guys reading somehow, don't I? hehe**

**The response to the last chapter was amazing! Thank you so much for all your reviews! Let's see if we can top it this time. **

**I've started chapter 12 already (like two sentences. haha) so there's no guarantee when that one will be up. **

**Finals week is coming up and it's gonna kick my ass, but then I'll have all summer to write! I know this story will be finished by at least August, if not sooner. **

**Thank you so much for reading! **

**Now, click that review button. It helps me, it really does. :D**

**Until Next Time...**


	12. Pride & Prejudice

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, which means I don't own Edward either. :( Stephenie Meyer owns them all, unfortunately for me. **

**I think some of you will like this chapter. :D **

* * *

"Language, Edward Anthony!" Esme scolded, refusing to be talked to that way in her own home. I knew though, as I'm sure she did as well, that we most definitely deserved it.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose, as he usually did when he was either too mad to even talk or trying to keep control of his raging emotions.

His green eyes took in the scene around him, of Emmett and Rosalie and Alice and Jasper at the counter, of Esme and Carlisle standing at the stove, cooking up some sort of meat. And last but certainly not least, me. I shrunk as his lewd eyes ran over me, trying to make myself as small as possible.

He turned on me, his voice sickly sweet. "Bella, darling. How perfectly wonderful to see you. I left you messages but I guess you didn't hear the phone." The last part came out a growl and I winced.

"Edward," Carlisle walked over to his son. "Do not speak to Bella like this in our home. She's a guest."

"Well obviously!" Edward roared. "Look! The whole gangs here! But no one thought to invite Edward!"

I refused to let him speak to his parents this way. It had to stop.

"I requested you be left out." I said in a strong, sure voice. Everyone turned to me, surprised.

Edward peered at me from around Carlisle's shoulder, then he walked over to stand boldly in front of me. I felt like we were in one of those old cowboy movies, just waiting to pull out our pistols for a draw.

"Why would you do that, Isabella?"

I sighed at my old name. "Because I figured it'd be better—less awkward," I corrected myself quickly when his face showed bitterness, "if you weren't here."

I saw Edward's face crumple right before my eyes, the bravado and anger completely gone.

"Why would you do that? Why don't you want me?" His voice came out sad and tortured.

I looked around to see all the Cullens watching us awkwardly. This was exactly what I wanted to avoid.

"Why don't we just give you two some privacy?" Alice suggested, her tone calming. "Emmett, I bet I can kick your butt on Wii bowling."

Emmett scoffed, but he no longer held the goofiness he'd had before his brother had interrupted things. "I accept that challenge, little sister."

I watched as the Cullens piled out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with Edward.

We stared each other down for a long moment, both of us waiting for the other to make the first move.

I didn't have to worry about it long.

"Why didn't you answer my messages, Bella? I called you…so many times," His hand reached out to me, shaking, almost like he was going to try to hold my hand, but he then thought better of it and let it fall to his side.

"I couldn't talk to you," I whispered back, my chest aching. "Not after…"

"The kiss," He finished lamely, his eyes flashing with…longing?

"Yes, that," I said, after I'd caught my breath.

"That's exactly why we should have talked…Bella, I don't—"

"Regret it? I know. I listened to your messages," I cut him off.

He took in a deep breath, thinking carefully how to work what he was going to say next. "I don't…want it to be weird with you. It never was before, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let it be now. Even if we can only ever be…" he took a large, harsh breath, "_friends,_ at least I'll have that little thing. At least I'll be _with _you in some way," he seemed to be having trouble with his words. "And if someday, "he gulped, "you decide you want someone _else_… well then I can't promise you I'll be happy but I'll hide it. I promise I will. I'll support you, Bella. With whatever you choose."

There were tears in his eyes by the end and without thinking I reached up to brush some away with the backs of my hands.

"Edward," I whispered, taking his face between my hands. "I don't want to talk about this here. Let's go somewhere, anywhere, and we can talk. Please?"

He put his hands over mine on his face and brought one down to his mouth to kiss, like a knight. I blushed and pulled away before walking into the living room.

If the Cullen family were aware of what was happening in the next room, they gave no indication. Emmett was currently up for his turn to bowl the ball and Alice was standing up on the couch to look over his shoulder at the screen, keeping a close eye in case he cheated.

Now, is it possible to cheat in Wii bowling? I have no idea. If there was would Emmett find a way? Hell yes. I didn't blame Alice one bit.

When we were kids Emmett would cheat in any game we played. Checkers, Charades, Old Maid. Let's not even get started on Monopoly, all of which usually ended up with Edward getting angry and telling his mother, and Emmett getting angry at Edward and flipping up the game board or mixing up all the cards. Emmett was a sore loser.

But right now my mind was preoccupied with the thought of getting Edward out of here—to a place where we could finally talk, uninterrupted.

I was so sick of the interruptions that if it meant sitting on a completely different couch—in a different room—as Edward so we didn't have another "incident," then so be it.

"Carlisle, Esme," I said, softly, but loudly enough to get their attention. I could feel Edward behind me, glaring over my shoulder at his family.

Everyone simultaneously turned towards Edward and I, the same looks of curious politeness on their faces.

"Edward and I need to speak to each other…privately. I'm so sorry, but… can we maybe postpone this to another time?"

Esme's smile could have brightened the room. "Oh, of course, dear. That's perfectly fine! Go ahead, I'll call you sometime to reschedule."

She came over to give me a large hug, followed by Carlisle. I had a feeling they were happy Edward and I were finally going to talk. Little did they know…

Esme stood by Edward to whisper something in his ear, too low for me to hear. Then Carlisle clapped a hand on Edward's shoulder and gave him a push toward the door while I waved to everyone else, exchanging "goodbyes."

Once outside we stood on the porch for a few moments, neither of us making a move to leave.

"I'll drive to your place then?" I asked questioningly.

"Yeah…" He murmured, then turned and walked down the steps.

He opened my door for me and shut it after I climbed into my beat-up truck, ever the gentleman.

I waited until he'd gotten into the Volvo to back out of the Cullen's driveway, starting the long trek back to Edward's.

_Oh, fuck_. I thought as I drove. _This isn't a good idea._

* * *

I sat on the couch with my eyes straight forward, the glass of water in my hand clenched between my fingers.

Edward sat across from me on the loveseat, sipping some _Chardonnay _from a wine glass that looked more expensive than my last car.

Jake was sitting by the fire, trying to kiss his already dead steak chew toy. I kept my eyes on him.

"Are you sure you don't want some of this?" Edward winked at me from where he sat and gestured to his wine. "I remember what a calming effect it used to have on you."

He was smirking, the bastard. We'd drunk the same wine on our honeymoon, right before we'd made love for the first time as husband and wife.

"Not anymore," I said, firmly but politely, "now it just makes me jittery."

"Shame," he said, more than a little disappointed.

"Let's get to the point, here, Edward."

"Alright, let's," he nodded, setting the wine down on the table in front of him. "Where was I with that Tanya story?" he looked at me sheepishly, "I've forgotten."

I shook my head. "Let's not talk about_ that_ now, alright?"

He looked confused. "Then what _do_ you want to talk about?"

"How about the divorce?" I asked, making him wince slightly, taking a quick sip of wine before putting it down.

"What about the damn thing?"

"Why the hell would you offer me so much money?" this was a subject I was so genuinely curious about that I had to know. "My lawyer practically had a coronary."

He chuckled. "Beautiful Bella, you are just so blind to how beautiful of a person you are, inside and out."

I ignored what he'd called me and tried to focus on the words. "Huh, Edward? You're losing me."

His face lost all humor and turned serious. "That day I received those papers… that was a bad day for me. You have to understand that while I knew you were angry and upset with me, that if we could just talk I knew we could have worked it out. When I got the papers I still honestly believed that our marriage would get through this rough patch, that you'd hear me out and everything would go back to the way it was."

He paused to sigh. "But when I saw your name signed at the bottom of that paper, Bella, I lost it. I completely destroyed this house, I went through and broke every single plate and dish in this whole place. Everything was destroyed. I went…insane. I didn't let anyone in the house, and I never came out."

I was slightly shocked hearing this. I'd known it would hit him hard but I never knew he'd take it that bad. I guess I just figured once I'd left he and Tanya would have…kept it up or something.

He went on. "Finally, Esme came over and demanded I let her in and to stop acting like such a child. She hired a cleaning crew and within a few days the house looked exactly as you'd left it…which almost hurt as bad. Then she told me to get my ass up off the floor and find you, to work it out like a real man would."

He shook his head.

"I called you time and time again. It wasn't until later I'd realized that you switched numbers. I went to Seattle so many times…" I cut him off.

"You came to Seattle?" this surprised me.

"It was a few months after I'd received the divorce papers. I knew you'd always wanted to go there and start a career at the Seattle Times. I called every goddamn newspaper in that entire city and none of them could give me any information on whether or not you were an employee there."

He laughed humorlessly.

"I planned to send you a dozen roses at work, to wait outside whatever apartment building you were at until the early hours of the morning, begging you for another chance. Just being in Seattle made me feel closer to you, and I started to realize why you wanted to move there in the first place. You'd always loved the big cities and the excitement."

"And finally, I found you. I was standing in line at a coffee shop and when I looked out the window you were right there walking down the street. I got out of line to stare at you for a few moments, and those were all I needed to tell me everything I needed to know.

"You looked happy. Truly, _actually _happy. The last time I'd seen you before then, you'd been screaming in my face, my vision blurred with my own tears. But in that moment, watching you looking up at the sky and catching the snowflakes on your alabaster skin, I knew you'd be alright. That you looked far better off without me. I hadn't seen you that happy for a long time when we were still married, and seeing you then I just knew."

He swallowed hard, trying not to cry.

"And so I drove home that night, bawling like a baby the whole way. The moment I got into the house I signed the divorce papers—as much as that ripped me apart—and sent them to my lawyer. I told him to let you have everything if you wanted it. After I got off the phone with him I drowned myself in a bottle of Jack Daniels."

I longed to walk over to the other couch and hold him, to ease his pain. But I stayed where I was, my hands planted firmly in my lap.

"Your lawyer fought with mine so hard," he chuckled sadly. "He said he'd never had a case where the other person _didn't _want any money," He shook his head. "You always were stubborn."

For the first time since he'd started talking my voice filled the air, sounding cracked and unhealthy. "If you would have talked to me, Edward. If you would have ran up to me that day and talked to me to my face… you'd have known I wasn't happy. Not at all. It killed me…" and before I could stop them my eyes were filled with tears that began streaming down my cheeks. I buried my head in my hands and sobbed.

It wasn't long before I felt the couch dip beside me and his arms wrap around me, rocking me back and forth.

"You were so close, Edward," I sobbed. "So close to me and I didn't even know. Maybe if you would have talked to me there…maybe then I would have listened," I didn't know if the words were true as I said them, but that was irrelevant. He had been there. So close to me when I'd needed him the most.

"Oh, Bella," he murmured, burying his face into my neck, and I knew the wetness I felt there wasn't from my own tears.

I don't know how long we sat there sobbing for each other, for our broken marriage and all that could have been. It could have been days, hours or just minutes, but when I looked up the darkening in the sky told me it had only been an hour or so.

I sat back to look at him, and his head lifted from the crook of my neck.

The second our eyes met, though, something ignited.

My hands were on his collar, clawing, dragging him to me. Our lips smashed together so hard our teeth clanked, but I couldn't find it in myself to care. The physical pain told me he was here, and that he was _real._

For the first time since the last time we'd let ourselves get carried away like this, I felt alive. Truly alive.

His tongue, warm and wet and tasting purely of Edward, found its way into my mouth and mine into his. Our tongues met each other softly, almost as if saying hello once again, before they roughly battled for dominance. He won, as he always did.

He groaned into my mouth softly and I mewled into his. Before I knew it my leg was hitched over his hip, his waist in between my legs as he settled himself fully on top of me. That familiar weight felt so amazing and home-like that I settled myself more firmly under him, letting his lips take me to places I hadn't been in a very long time.

I didn't know exactly when it happened, but soon his hips began undulating into mine, his growing excitement only spurring us on.

We groaned and grunted into each other's mouths, the delicious friction between our bodies making the tingling settle right in between my legs.

It was like we'd never stopped, our bodies were so in-tune.

He dragged his mouth away from my lips for a moment, and unlike last time, the breath of fresh air I got only served to drive me further.

His lips attached themselves to my neck, to the spot that only _he_ knew could drive me wild.

Our hips began moving more firmly now.

How could this one person make me feel this way without even taking my clothes off? Or his for that matter? Nothing I'd had since him could even _compare_ to this. Edward was in a category all his own.

"Oh, Bella," he grunted my name into my neck and I whimpered.

I tried to bring my lips back to his, burying my fingers in his hair and guiding his head back up toward mine.

"Bella," He whispered, and I pulled back to look at his face, confused.

"Edward?"

"Oh, baby," He kissed my cheek softly, lovingly.

"More, Edward," I mewled, kissing the side of his mouth.

He pushed me down gently. "Bella, darling, I'm not going to make love to you for the first time on our couch."

I noted the way he'd said "our" couch instead of his.

I nodded my head, understanding, yet undeniably frustrated and turned on.

"We have some things we need to talk about before we do that again, my Bella." He nuzzled my nose.

"I know," I pushed him up gently, disappointed in selfish ways that he'd stopped us but glad that he had.

We sat for a few moments in silence, letting our breathing regulate.

I stood up. "I should be going."

He nodded sadly and walked me to the door, helping me shrug my coat over my shoulders. I patted Jake on the head softly, promising—even though he couldn't understand me—that I'd see him again soon.

I went to walk out the door and he stopped me.

"I still love you, Bella," his eyes pleaded with mine while he leaned down to kiss my forehead.

"I know you do, Edward. I know you do."

* * *

**A/N: I'm a straight tease. haha**

**Believe it or not, I really do hate being a pain in the ass. But, I need your reviews in order to continue. I need more than the last chapter, and I'm doing my best to get back to those of you who did review! I need to know you guys are still with this story, or I can't continue as quickly! **

**So, now that i'm done being a pain, what did you guys think? Remember, those of you who are not Edward's biggest fans at the moment, this is an HEA story. **

**Review, please. It makes me happy. **

**Until next time... **


	13. Looking Back

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but I own the storyline. Please don't take it. **

**The song at the beginning of this chapter is "Remind Me" by Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood. **

**This chapter's a look back to the miscarraige and maybe some new information and explanations...**

**The Tanya explanation will be next chapter. :D Whooo! **

* * *

That ride home from our—_Edward's_—house had to be the hardest of my life.

It still hadn't slipped my mind that he hadn't explain the whole "Tanya" situation, and I think that in the back of my mind I was putting it off.

I turned on the radio, trying to block out the thoughts of him doing what we'd just done—and much more—with another woman. While we were still married.

_Been so long that you forget, the way I used to kiss your neck._

_Remind me, baby remind me. _

_So on fire, so in love, that look in your eyes I miss so much…_

I turned it up louder, slowly smiling at the lyrics. Edward and I had gone to a Brad Paisley concert when we had first started dating, he was one of the only country singers we could both agree on. (Taylor Swift was my preference.)

_Remember the airport dropping me off_

_We were kissing goo__dbye and we couldn't stop. _

_I felt bad cause you missed your flight, _

_but that mean we had one more night…_

_Yeah you'd wake up in my old Tshirt, _

_all those morning I was late for work. _

I laughed aloud at these lyrics, because it was so fitting for how it used to be. The tears sliding down my cheeks were irrational, but I was hopeless to stop them…

* * *

_I felt gently calloused fingertips sliding down over my bare back, drawing circles and shapes and letters. I made out, "I love you," and groaned contentedly, a small smile on my face. _

"_Good morning, love." _

_His velvet voice was like music to my starved ears. He'd been working so much lately that we'd rarely been able to find time to just lounge around…among other things. _

_I rolled over onto my back so I could see him. "Good morning, Edward." _

_The smile on his flawless face stunned me for a moment, before I felt the warm feelings of love for this man creeping into my veins. _

_He leaned over to give me an exuberant kiss, far too enthusiastic for this early in the morning. _

_It wasn't long before those same calloused fingers began wandering where they ought not be. _

"_Edward Anthony," I admonished, pulling back and smacking his shoulder. He was on top of me by now, the deliciousness of his weight doing nothing to help my resolve. "You and I both need to get ready for work. We'll already have to rush." _

_The whole time I was trying to speak around his lips, as he insisted on keeping his lips firmly attached to mine. _

"_I don't have to be to work for another forty-five minutes, Bella. That gives us more than enough time…" He wriggled his eyebrows playfully. _

_I smacked him lovingly again. "Naughty boy. Didn't you get enough last night?" _

_He smirked down at me. "I'll never get enough of you, baby. And I'm going to spend the next forty-five minutes showing you just that…" _

_True to his word, Edward never released me until it was almost time to go. _

_He was late to the hospital and I had to forgo taking a shower that morning to not get to the office late. _

_And I was just so goddamn happy with my life then. _

It wasn't long though, maybe a few years, before our marriage began to become strained.

* * *

_It was around three months after my 22__nd__ birthday that we began wanting to try for a child. Edward and I were both in agreement that we wanted two children and a dog. And a big old house to fit it all in. _

_Well, we'd just finished moving into the house and so we both agreed it was time to try for that family we'd always wanted. Things were slowing down for Edward, he was nearly done with school and we wanted a baby by my following birthday. _

_At first, it was extremely fun. No more worrying about taking birth control, no more worrying about condoms or any form of contraception. _

_We went hog wild, for lack of a better term, and fucked like rabbits. Edward would get home from school, we'd have sex. I'd cook for us, we'd have sex on the dining room table. I got into the shower, Edward got in as well. When we finally got under the covers at night, we'd make love until the early hours of the morning. _

_It was amazing. And it was fun…for a little bit. _

_When the months started to fly by and still no baby, we started to get discouraged. _

_The doctor told us we had nothing to worry about. The tests all showed that we were good matches for a pregnancy, and that we had to be patient and give it time. _

_But the stress began to get to us…well, me at least. _

_I began to not let Edward touch me unless I was ovulating. I went to a hundred different websites and magazines, trying to figure out the perfect positions and times for conceiving. _

_One night it was particularly bad…._

"_C'mon, Bella. I wanna make love to you, darling." _

_I didn't even look up, flipping the pages of my book. "Not tonight, Edward." _

_He sighed softly, but I knew from experience he didn't give up that easily. _

"_Baby," he whispered, reaching for my hand. I allowed it, letting him take the book out of my hands and gently place the bookmark on my page. _

_He smiled triumphantly. "I've missed you so much, Bella. I want to touch my wife…" _

_He leaned in to kiss my neck and I pushed him away, annoyed. _

"_I said no, Edward!' _

_A wrinkle appeared on his forehead, as though he was trying to figure out a complicated equation. _

"_I'll make it feel good for you, Bella. I promise sweetie. What happened? You used to love doing this…"_

_I growled, picking the book back up with a huff. "Edward, get the hint. I'm not interested in sex with you unless I'm ovulating. We're trying for a baby." _

"_Babies can be conceived at different times of the month, Bella. I know, believe me, I'm a doctor." He reached for my hand. _

_I shot him a glare and he slowly backed down with a small frown. _

_We sat in awkward silence for a few moments before I went in for the kill. "If you're going to just sit there and sulk all night, you can sleep on the couch." _

_He turned his head away from my glare, and I knew he was trying to keep his emotions away from me. I instantly felt bad for making him sad, and I was about to reach for him when he got up. _

"_As you wish, Isabella." He said, picking up his pillow and a blanket from the end of the bed. "Goodnight, love." _

_I watched him walk out of the room feeling like shit for treating him that way. _

_I woke up the next morning after tossing about all night, not getting any sleep at all. I went down to put coffee in the pot, seeing my husband curled up on the couch, his long legs bent at the knees so he could fit his whole body on. _

_I felt ten times worse seeing the small frown on his face in his sleep, his dreams not even pleasant. _

_I'd walked over to him then, straddling him and waking him up with gentle kisses on his face. _

_He'd woken up, astonished to see me sitting atop him. He began to apologize but I cut him off. _

"_I'm so sorry, Edward." I whispered, kissing his nose. "I'm such a shit wife." _

_He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him. "No, baby, you're not. I shouldn't have pushed…" _

"_No, Edward," I shook my head. "I've been such a bitch lately….I want to make it up to you, baby… let me love you." _

_We'd undressed each other slowly, letting our instinct take over. When I finally sunk down onto his heat, my entire body went up in flames. We pushed and pulled at each other, desperate for release. And when it finally did happen, it didn't disappoint. It never did. _

_We'd moved it to the bedroom and I spent that whole day showing him just how sorry I was. _

_Two weeks later I'd taken a pregnancy test after a bad bout of sickness just after I'd gotten out of bed in the morning. _

_Edward and I both sobbed with joy when the little pink plus sign showed up on seven different tests. _

_Edward began taking more days off work to spend with me as my belly grew day by day. _

_Alice took us shopping and we all picked out a theme for the baby's room. We bought strollers and Edward bought the most expensive clothes and a crib that I was sure may have at some point been owned by the queen of England—well it looked like it anyway. _

_He would have been such an amazing and doting father. _

_Each night before bed he'd sing a song for the baby, his hands on either side of my stomach as he cooed and talked sweet nothings to my tummy. _

_At our six month checkup we learned the baby was a little girl. _

_I was even more attached to my little Renesmee than ever. (Renee and Esme mixed for both our mothers.)_

_I even adopted Alice's nickname of "Nessie", even though I was slightly miffed my daughter was associated with the loch ness monster. _

_I loved being pregnant. There was no better feeling in the world than feeling my little girl kick me from the inside as I giggled and rubbed my swollen belly. _

_All was well. Our little girl was coming along beautifully, her pink little room filled with the most expensive and researched clothes and toys for maximum stimulation. _

_I couldn't remember a time in my life when I'd been happier. _

_But it's funny—tragic, even—how happiness can slip away from you so unexpectedly. _

_Edward had just graduated from school and had started his residency at the local hospital. The hours had been bad, but that didn't stop him from getting me to every single appointment and being with me at every ultrasound. _

_We were laying in bed one night, Edward had just finished singing to our daughter and he had his arms wrapped around me tightly. I relished in the comfort of his embrace, knowing that I needed to cherish these moments. _

_I had just fallen asleep when I was woken with a shooting pain in my stomach. _

"_Ow!" I screeched, bending over and clutching my knees. "Fuck, Edward!"_

_He was over me in an instant, his hands fluttering over my body. "What is it, baby? What's wrong?" _

"_The baby…something's wrong…" the pain was unbearable and I clutched at my stomach. _

_I knew this couldn't be labor, I was only six months along for God's sake!_

"_C'mon, Bella, we have to go to the hospital." _

_My husband reached over to turn on the light then threw the covers off us. His gasp brought my gaze down to where he was looking. _

_My bottom half was covered in blood, as well as Edward's sleep pants. _

"_Fuck!" Edward shouted, grabbing the phone and picking me up from the bed. _

_Things happened in fast forward after that. Snippets of hushed conversations…_

_Placenta…couldn't breathe…so far along…_

_I saw Edward's face as well, only flashes, the tears running down his cheeks as I sobbed uncontrollably onto his shoulder, the look on his face as he held my hand tightly in his own. _

_I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. _

_All I knew was that my baby was gone. _

_I'd failed. I'd failed as a mother, as a wife. Little Renesmee… she was gone. _

_My baby. My world. _

_I don't know how or when I got home from the hospital. I remember the faces of my family and Edward's, the pity shining in their eyes. _

_I'd failed. _

_It was a miracle that I'd survived those days, and Edward was a large part of that. _

_He cooked my dinners and gave me baths, he held me close at night as I cried into his shirt, looking down at my stomach that was no longer growing my baby. Our baby. _

_I hated myself and everything around me. _

_I hated going to the supermarket and seeing babies in strollers and carseats… their mothers arguing with them over cereal and other mundane, normal things…_

_I wanted to scream at all of them. To tell them how lucky they were. _

_Our marriage wasn't the same after that. _

_Edward and I didn't make love or touch each other or cuddle at all. Where we used to fill the silence with "I love you's" and "You're the most important thing to me's", we now said nothing at all. _

_It was six months after my twenty third birthday that I found the pair of panties in his drawer, and later her number in his phone. _

I didn't think it through, I didn't even look back. I just drove. I got away. I got out of the house that held all the misery and guilt and sadness and I didn't turn back. I left the husband that I'd believed to be unfaithful, and all the pain that had caused.

And I started over.

It wasn't until I came back that I realized I'd made a mistake.

* * *

**A/N: Wow, that was pretty hard to write. I'm sorry for anyone who has had the misfortune of losing a baby, and i'm not sure that information was 100% accurate. I'm sorry if it wasn't. **

**The reviews for last chapter were alright, but I know for a fact you can do better. :D I'm hoping for a certain number and once I reach it i'll begin chapter 14. ;)**

**And while you're at it, tell me what you're thinking about the Casey Anthony trial. I'm interested to see if I'm the only one who thinks that was bullshit... **

**REVIEW. **


	14. Final Explanations

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all these characters. I'm just playing around. But this storyline is mine. **

**:D Hey, guys! I've always said, "Good things come to those who wait." **

**And you've all waited long enough. I decided I'd update a little sooner than usual, because your reviews were amazing last chapter and I know you're all ready to hear some explaining. **

**I'm nervous right now, hoping you how I've laid this all out. **

***Sighs* See you at the bottom...**

* * *

It was another week before Edward began speaking to me about meeting up again. I knew it was only because he didn't want to rush me, and wanted me to have time to process all the information he seemed to be throwing at me these days.

The night before Mike had gotten back from said "business trip," and I'd gone all the way to Port Angeles to meet him. It was a Sunday, which mean I was cooking dinner for Charlie, and that also meant he'd most likely bring Sue—even though he vehemently denied she was anything but a good friend, my father couldn't fool me for anything.

He liked Sue. And I found myself strangely alright with that fact. I would have thought it would be weird, hanging around the woman my father was trying to, for lack of a better word,_ court_.

But it wasn't at all. I found myself smiling all throughout dinner as she complimented my cooking skills, claiming I must have gotten them from my mother because my father was an absolute cold fish in the kitchen.

Charlie had blushed at that one, but I had a feeling his contempt wouldn't last long. I watched them closely all throughout dinner, and even dessert, and I found myself most pleased at what I saw.

Charlie had never really had anyone in his life—_all_ his life—that truly made him happy. At one point in my childhood, I'd thought my mom had made him happy, but I realized that that just wasn't meant to be.

I was glad my father could find happiness in this world, even though my own love life was far from uncomplicated.

And hell, that was an understatement.

I couldn't help but notice Mike sitting quietly all through dinner, a polite but disinterested smile on his face. I would have been annoyed, had I not been so engrossed in talking with Sue.

She was an incredibly sweet woman, and she promised me that the next time she was over she'd teach me how to make her famous apple pie—a feat I'd not yet conquered.

I didn't tell Mike about talking with Edward—I just felt like it was too wrong.

As hard as it was for me to come to terms with it, I'd cheated on Mike. Just the same as Edward cheated on me with Tanya, I cheated on Mike. I kissed another man while I was still in a relationship—and I use that term loosely, but still—and I felt horrid about it.

I found myself unconsciously leaning away from Mike while at the dinner table, sitting on the couch, anything. There was a wall between us now, but I couldn't stop the sinking feeling that I was the only one who'd put it there.

Something was different about him, that was for sure. Where he used to remind me of an anxious puppy dog before, he now reminded me of a wounded deer, skittish and anxious.

I couldn't allow myself to dwell on it for too long, though, especially considering Edward texted me after dinner, asking about meeting up the following day—Monday—for another one of our "chats."

I didn't know what to expect from this. I didn't know what I even wanted to hear.

I just knew I was ready for this whole thing to be over with. I was ready to find out the truth, to finally hear the words I've been waiting to for so long.

My life had become this pathetic shell of insanity—this bottomless pit of things I've never finished and never gotten closure on.

This subject was at the very tippy top of that list.

And although it was hard, although it would practically kill me all over again to hear the words come out of his mouth—words I'd never, ever expected or planned on hearing him say—I knew I had to do it.

For Mike… or for any other future relationship I'd ever have planned on having.

And most of all, for me. For the one person that would suffer the most, and has suffered this whole time—I knew I needed it regardless.

To move on.

Yeah, right.

* * *

I texted Edward the next day saying I would indeed meet up with him later in the evening, after I'd run a few errands and went to the grocery store.

My stay here was dwindling down, and I wanted to be absolutely sure that Charlie's cupboards would be stocked long after I was gone.

Even though, now, I had a feeling Sue would be taking care of most of it, it made me feel better that I was helping to take care of him anyway.

Mike didn't come along, for which I was grateful. He claimed he'd just probably spend all day on the computer, working on a new presentation to show to some potential employers.

I'd believed him, and let it go.

At one point in the day I'd realized something, and I'd texted Edward as soon as the thought popped into my head.

_**Do you even work for a living? –B**_

_**What do u mean, beautiful?-E**_

I ignored the nickname, too focused to have it throw me off.

_**U always ask me 2 meet up on workdays, don't u hv a job the hospital?-B**_

_**Haha I'm an attending, B. I work mornings and sometimes late evenings. I can usually pick my schedule.-E**_

_**Oh. Srry to pry.-B**_

_**I'm glad ur curious. Gives me hope.-E**_

I stopped replying after that, because those three last words made my stomach flip. What exactly did he have hope for? Us?

I stopped having hope for US when I'd found out he'd cheated.

_You jumped to conclusions, Bella. _

No, I reasoned with my subconscious, I'd heard him say the words. My mind flashed back to the conversation we'd had outside the gas station…

"_Bella, please." _

"_You can't deny it, can you?" I looked up at him tearfully. "You and her—you cheated on me."_

_His eyes glistened with unshed tears. "_Yes,_ but-" _

So HA! I told my subconscious victoriously.

_But did you let him finish, Bella? What was the "but?"_

I sighed loudly, contemplating banging my head off the cabinets. I thought this over as I began putting groceries away. I hated getting into fights with myself. It made me feel confused…and crazy.

Regardless, I didn't feel any hope for "us." What scared me was that some small part of me, tucked deep away back in my heart and in the deep recesses of my mind knew I was lying to myself, but I shook my head to get rid of the thought and settled down to the task at hand.

* * *

When six rolled around—a half an hour before our scheduled meeting time—I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

Mike and my father were sitting on the couch in the living room, the dull roar of the television barely discernable from upstairs, but I knew they were watching _SportsCenter._

I'd told them both I was leaving that night, under the guise of having dinner with Alice and Rose. "A girl's night!" I'd said excitedly and neither of them thought anything of it.

_Men._

I was so high strung that I stopped counting the amount of times I tripped over air or fell whilst trying on a pair of jeans. Eventually, I started ignoring the choruses of "Are you alright?"s and "Wow, Bells, try not to bring down the house."s every time I fell on my ass.

Again, _Men._

I don't know why I was freaking out. Maybe because I knew this talk was going to be different. That this was going to be the mother of all "talks," and possibly one of the most important of my life.

I looked at myself in the mirror, realizing that I looked slightly rumpled. I shrugged at my reflection, and the girl in the mirror looked back at me, unblinking.

I had to turn away before I changed my mind, racing down the stairs and stopping in front of the living room while I threw on my jacket.

"I bought some chips and ice cream today at the store, if you boys get hungry."

They both grunted in response and I rolled my eyes.

"See ya," I called to them and I heard them repeat my goodbye as I walked out the door.

The fresh, cool air of the Olympic Peninsula cleared my head slowly, and I found myself a little calmer as I drove over to my old home.

When I pulled up out front, having to resist the urge to pull into the garage, I saw that all of the lights were on and the walkway out front was lit with lights that I'd bought a little before leaving.

The house itself was magnificent, it always had been, looking like something out of a movie or a fairytale. When I'd lived here, I used to imagine myself as Cinderella, finally having found my prince.

I shook my head at the thought as I walked up, noticing that someone had been around to weed the flowers along the walk—Esme. I smiled.

The door opened before I'd even stepped onto the porch, and I grinned when I saw Edward standing there, his hair sticking up like he'd been pulling on it for the past hour and a half.

I laughed under my breath, and this brought a smile to his face.

"Welcome, Bella," He pulled me into a warm hug, just as I felt Edward jerk forward, almost toppling us both to the ground.

"Jesus Christ, Jake!" Edward growled, pulling me upright and making sure I was steady before letting go. He looked at me apologetically as I leaned down to pet Jake behind his ears, giggling when he nuzzled into my leg. "I'm sorry. He's like a heat-seeking missile every time he gets a whiff of you."

I laughed at that, and we stood there in comfortable silence for a few moments, just basking in this happy moment.

I knew it wouldn't last long.

Edward's face took on a serious tilt and I copied him.

"Why don't you come on in, Bella? I've got dinner ready…"

"Yeah, thanks." I nodded, and he stepped back so I could go in front of him.

I walked into the house and smiled. It looked almost the same as when we'd lived there together, apart from a few minor details that made it clear there was only _one _person living here now.

I couldn't help but notice that everything was in the exact same place…almost like if he kept everything the way it was I'd come back and everything would be the same.

I sighed. This night would be a long one.

Dinner was surprisingly nice and just about as comfortable and not awkward as I'd hoped it would be. I didn't touch the wine, wanting to keep my head completely clear and sharp.

I needed to stay focused. One slip could damage me permanently.

_Like you haven't already been damaged beyond repair, Bella. _I thought silently, _the man in front of you is notorious for leaving scars on your mind…and heart. _

Jesus. It didn't even seem like my subconscious could make up its mind these days.

"So," Edward began at one point when the conversation had died down some. "I believe I owe you some…explanations. And some clarifications as well. "

I stopped him, holding up my hand for him to pause. I gestured towards the dishes still sitting on the dining room table, getting up and picking up mine.

I carried them to the sink with him right behind me, his own dirty dishes in tow. There was something so familiar about this that I had to bite my lip to fight saying it aloud.

After the table had been cleared I made my way into the living room, sinking down into one of the armchairs seated next to the fireplace. Jake was right on my heels, curling up at my side immediately, happily chewing on a bone.

Lucky bastard.

Neither of us spoke as he turned the switch to light the fire, the smell of oil and disuse filtering through my nostrils.

Finally, he sat in the chair opposite me, scooting it forward so he was just close enough that I could reach out and touch him if I'd wanted to.

He held out a large hand to me, his fingers long and calloused just as I'd remembered them to be. I knew what he wanted, so I obliged, figuring that if this was the last time we'd really speak with each other, it might as well be comfortable for both of us.

His hand held my own, between both of his, his thumb gently rubbing circles while his eyes had a faraway look in them.

His hoarse voice broke the silence.

"I can't remember exactly where I'd left off the last time…"

"Just try your best, Edward."

He nodded, his lips forming a firm line as the lines in his forehead became more pronounced.

"As I was saying it started a few months after we lost the baby…" he paused here, taking a deep breath. "I had met Tanya at a medical conference, and I'd let her manipulate me into dinner afterwards…"

He shook his head wryly, his hand rubbing mine between us. His voice was cracked and sad, a permanent frown etched into his handsome features.

"That night a few other residents and doctors were heading to the hotel bar…the big shots were going to be there, and I felt I needed to at least make my presence known to them. I knew I couldn't live off Carlisle's reputation forever, especially not around these guys…

"So I talked with them for a while, kissing ass—impressing them with whatever the hell I could throw at them. It proved to be extremely exhausting," he reached a hand up to rub his eyes, shaking his head darkly. "I didn't even notice, but Tanya was there. She waited until I had gotten away from all the big shots, then she went in for the kill."

He watched my face carefully as he uttered the next few sentences. "She cornered me next to the bar and basically told me she wanted to do inappropriate things with me in explicit detail. As tired and exhausted as I was, Bella, you have to believe me. I was _disgusted_. I shoved her off me, growling at her to keep away. That I was married and that I only had eyes for my wife. The love of my life.

"And I thought she'd listened. I had to pass all the doctors in order to leave. I had every intention of going back up to my room and locking the deadbolt on the door—just to be safe. But as I tried to politely step by them, one of the BigWigs—Hansen—was his name, shoved a shot into my hand before I could even decline. They'd told me to stay, to have a few drinks, and even though every part of my body told me to make up an excuse to leave, to just get the fuck out of there, I stayed. Against my better judgment, I'd stayed and let them shove numerous amounts of alcohol down my throat."

He rubbed his eyes again, and I could see how agitated he was becoming. Soon he was only holding one of my hands in one of his, so the other could constantly run through his hair.

My stomach tightened in dread as I realized that the worst was about to come.

_Literally. _A sick part of me sneered. I recoiled, but Edward didn't seem to notice, his eyes dark and disappointed in himself.

"I'm so ashamed of myself, Bella. I felt so—relieved. Drinking that much alcohol made me so numb that the pain…it fucking vanished. I was just…free. And I'm so absolutely humiliated about that. That I was so weak that… I had to resort to the alcohol." He shook his head. "But I was floating on cloud nine. I had no control of anything other than basic things…one foot in front of the other, and even then I stumbled and tripped…"

He stopped holding my hand to put his head in his own, his agonized voice enough to bring tears to my eyes, though the words he was about to utter would break me.

"I woke up the next morning. _Naked_," He choked, a strangled sob coming from his chest. "Next to Tanya fucking Denali. Who was also naked."

He looked up to meet my own eyes, then. Mine filled with tears that slowly spilled down my cheeks, my heart twisted painfully in my chest, not wanting him to continue but knowing he had to.

"The feeling I got, when I woke up that morning, Bella... Was fucking _excruciating_. And it wasn't the hangover, either. I felt so goddamn low. I wanted…I wanted to die, Bella. I couldn't believe that I'd done that…that I'd have ever betrayed you…even under the influence of alcohol.

"When Tanya woke up I screamed and threw her out into the hallway, throwing the bed sheet out with her. I sat there for God only knows how long after and sobbed into my hands. I thought I'd betrayed my wife…my _future_ in the very worst of ways…"

The silence hung in the air, deadly. He watched me closely, waiting for my confirmation to continue.

I had none.

I could only imagine what I had looked like to him then, my makeup smeared down my cheeks and my eyes red and puffy.

He nodded slowly, once again taking my hand in his. His eyes looked into mine so seriously, so full of pain that I wanted to look away.

But I couldn't.

I had a feeling the next words he uttered would be important. And damn, was I shocked when I heard them.

"I never had sex with Tanya, Bella." He sighed loudly after he said this, like the weight of the Goddamn world had been lifted off his shoulders.

I just stared at him in shock. What the fuck was he saying? His words and his story didn't match up, and it had me feeling like I was going to explode into a million tiny pieces.

"What the fucking are you talking about, Edward?" I bit out, only one emotion able to form a coherent sentence and that was anger.

"Tanya. I never fucked her. I never had sex with her in that hotel room. She had me believing we did, because she's a conniving, selfish little whore. But I didn't, Bella."

"How?" I was so frozen that I couldn't move, and my breath seemed to be coming in gasps. It was impossible, wasn't it?

_Yes_, it was.

But was it?

He sighed and began again, his voice more sure this time.

"When I got home I unpacked my suitcase to find a pair of panties and a note from Tanya, claiming that she loved me and some other shit about the night before that made me feel even more like shit. Seeing you made me feel like a piece of shit husband, which I was, regardless of whether I'd slept with Tanya or not. But the thoughts haunted me.

"It wasn't a week later that my phone beeped with a message, the name _'Tanya' _flashing across the screen with a little heart next to it. She must have added her name to my contacts while I was passed out in that hotel room. It had said something ridiculously inappropriate, as you can imagine, and I'd deleted the message automatically, along with that fucking heart next to her name. I vowed to keep the number just long enough till I could contact the phone service, and get the number blocked from our phones. As for the panties being in my drawer, I hadn't known for sure what was the responsible thing to do with them.

"I realize now that I should have just thrown them away, or burned them or something, but in the back of my mind I'd started thinking that for legal reasons I could keep them as evidence…that's a piss poor excuse and I know you don't believe it, but Bella I swear I didn't put any thought into it at all."

I shook my head, finally finding my voice. "That doesn't explain how you "didn't" cheat on me, Edward."

He nodded his head, rubbing soothing circles along my fingers.

"I hadn't had time to get the number blocked before you'd found the phone—and the panties." He swallowed hard. "And you know how I was after you left…"

We both winced.

"It was about a year after our—_divorce _was finalized that the word traveled up to the Denali family. My parents tried their very hardest to keep it low, for our sake, Bella, but when the Denalis pry, they get the information they want.

"Apparently, Tanya had a rather large mouth and blabbed to one of her sisters that_ she _was, in fact, the reason for our divorce, and she'd planned it all out. Kate took the information to her father, disturbed, and they immediately came down to Forks from Alaska, Tanya in tow." His grip tightened on mine.

"At that point I was barely leaving our house. Carlisle knew this. And he also knew I wouldn't allow that filthy skank anywhere near the home I'd shared with you, Bella. So Emmett basically came over, picked me up and threw me over his shoulder—theoretically—and drug me to my parent's house. When I saw who was there, I put up a fight. But Dad made me listen to her."

Edward's knee was bouncing up and down so restlessly at that point that I put my fingers on it, silently asking him to stop. He was making me anxious, and I wanted him to finish. He threw me an apologetic look and shrugged, his eyes now alight with a secret—and _hope_.

I swallowed hard.

"Her father made her admit to me that it was all a trick. A dirty, fucking disgusting_ trick_ that she played on both of us, Bella. She'd led me up to my hotel room that night, as I was completely out of control of myself, and she held my hair as I puked into the toilet." He laughed, sounding like for the first time in years. "I'd puked all over her clothes on the way up, as well as myself, and she said that I was too drunk to even fucking move. Once I'd gotten into that bed…I'd fucking slept all night. She'd taken my clothes off, as well as her own, knowing what it would make it look like.

"But nothing happened, Bella. Fucking nothing."

I let out a breath at his words.

"But you said…you said that _yes_, you cheated on me. That was only a few weeks ago." I was so close to hoping that it was dangerous.

Edward rubbed a hand over his eyes roughly. "You didn't let me finish that day, love. I layed in bed, naked, with a woman who was also naked. To me, that was cheating. I'll never forgive myself for not refusing those drinks, Bella. To this fucking_ day_, I feel like shit because I didn't just say no. That I put my career first, again. You and I could still be—" he cut off, emotion taking his voice. "We could have tried again, we could have _kids_… We could still have been happy."

Tears were running down my cheeks at this point, an overwhelming sense of relief washing over me in waves.

I felt like I had been holding back the ocean for years, the weight pushed up against my back and ready to collapse in on me. And just now it had burst around me, but somehow I'd come up out of the waves unharmed and gasping for air.

In that moment, I could_ breathe_ again.

I struggled to take in as much air as I could as my lungs got used to the feeling, the weight that had been held onto my chest for so long non-existent anymore.

Well, Jesus _fucking_ Christ, Mary and Joseph.

That had _not _gone the way I'd planned.

Edward was watching me carefully as I processed all of this, my mind running wild.

We obviously had a lot of shit to work through.

But we'd come so fucking far. And tonight—I was _free._

And right now, I didn't care that we were fucked up, I didn't care that we'd wasted so many years simply because I was stubborn.

He didn't cheat on me.

He never had sex with Tanya. He never stuck the one organ of his that was always mine into another woman.

He chuckled, and I blushed as I'd realized I'd said that last one out loud.

"You're wrong, you know," He said, and my brows furrowed in confusion. "There's two organs that have always been yours. You can add my heart to that list, love."

I threw myself at him, hugging him as if all my life depended on it. And he hugged me back desperately, like a starved man to a delicious dinner.

"I love you, Bella. And I'm so, so sorry," he whispered into my hair, kissing the top of my head.

"Oh, God, Edward," I gasped out, burying my face in his neck.

"I love you too."

* * *

**A/N: **

**:O**

**You guys can say it with me now, "HOLY SHIT. So FUCKING glad that's all cleared up."**

**I promised you guys answers, and that this would work out. ****I hope you're happy with the way I did this. :D**

**Review, because it makes me update so much faster! As you can see. **

**And i'm gonna need feedback on this before I can write the next chapter, so I know how fast you guys want to take this. ****I'm planning on a total of about 20 chapters for this story. **

**Thanks for reading! REVIEW!**


	15. Complications

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. And she's awesome at it. I'm just messin'.**

**I had those big ideas that I was going to finish this story by the time school started again. Right now, I have an essay I need to write for summer homework and a few other stories I'd like to work on. **

**But, I'm going to TRY. My estimate is twenty chapters. Now, I may be able to write all of it over the next few weeks then post it on a two week basis afterwards. We shall see. :D**

**I hope you enjoy! **

* * *

**EPOV**

The smile that I carried on my face at work the next day was so large that it made my cheeks physically hurt.

I was sure that the staff and nurses would surely think I'd gone mad, what with the way I'd been stomping around here brooding the past few years.

It was common knowledge in my family that Alice had invited Bella home for her wedding. I'd thought my mother would have a coronary when Charlie Swan called to confirm his daughter's reservation.

I never expected that Bella would take Alice up on that "plus one."

Michael Newton Jr, I'd later learned the name, was by far the bane of my existence. When I walked through that door and saw my Bella, my heart had stuttered not just once, but so many times I feared I may go into cardiac arrest. I'd stood tall, though, so happy to see her I thought I might faint.

I took in every feature of her beautiful face, the face that had haunted my dreams for so long.

I was so fucking stupid.

When my eyes traveled down her neck I noticed an arm wrapped casually around her shoulder. I tensed immediately, following the arm to the body sitting in the seat beside my one and only love.

Ugh, as if a man that unworthy should even have his filthy paws on what was _mine._

_Not yours anymore_, an inside voice had said, but I'd mentally told that voice to shut the fuck up and let me pretend for a moment.

Seeing her all those times—the park, the gas station—I'd only had one thing on my mind. I needed to tell her the truth.

It had haunted my every thought for years, and I mentally beat myself up for being so goddamn retarded.

_Tell her, tell her, tell her, tell her… _Every voice in my head chanted. _Tell her so you can move on—possibly WITH her you idiot!_

I'd never expected her reaction to be like it was when I _had_ finally told her.

She'd thrown her small body into my arms, sobbing into my chest. I'd wrapped my arms around her, so familiar, patting and rubbing her back in soothing circles.

And she'd told me she loved me.

She. _Loved_. Me.

My heart. She'd finally come back. I didn't think she would, never thought she'd have to. I silently thanked God for Alice and Jasper finally getting married.

Alice always seemed to know how to bring Bella and I back together.

She'd gone home sometime around midnight, and I'd walked her to the front door and kissed her on the cheek, putting the coat around her shoulders.

"Come back to me," I'd whispered with my lips still touching her forehead.

I'll never forget the sound of her voice when she wrapped her arms around me tightly, sighing softly into my ear, "always."

I grinned at the memory.

A few of the nurses gave me strange glances as I passed by, whistling softly to myself. I made my way to Carlisle's office, letting myself right in.

He was sitting at his desk with his reading glasses on, a chart in his hands and a calculating look on his face.

He jumped when he saw me. "Jesus, Edward. What's your hurry, son?"

I refused to let anything bring down my mood. "I need you to look over a few of these charts. I can't be sure, but I think some of the nurses are filling out the information wrong. Mrs. Stanley came in last week and under the cause of visit, they'd listed 'trouble urinating.'"

"And why is that so unlikely?"

"Because under the diagnosis "penile _dysfunction_" was written," I said blankly.

Carlisle and I both began laughing at the same time, and I handed him the charts.

"You seem to be in rare spirits today, son." Carlisle gave me a look out of the corner of his eye as he studied the chart. I knew that look. He was trying to get an answer out of me.

"I'm alright." I shrugged, sitting down across from him.

"Hmm," he sighed, but I knew he wasn't finished. "Yes, it does seem a few of these charts have been mixed up. I'll go to the nurses station after lunch."

"Alright," I got up to leave.

"Edward," Carlisle let out a breath, disappointed. "Tell me you didn't… that you and Bella didn't…"

I furrowed my brow, confused. "Didn't what?"

Carlisle rubbed his eyes behind his glasses. "Tell me you and Bella didn't have…sexual relations last night."

I choked a little on the air, coughing. "What the fuck, dad?"

"Now, now. Alice told your mother she came over yesterday…and by the look on your face…" he seemed awkward.

"I didn't fuck Bella yesterday, dad," I said blankly. "I told her the truth."

His head snapped up, surprised. "You did?"

I nodded my head, exasperated. "Do you honestly think I'd let that happen so soon? So that she can just be pissed at me for that and leave again? I don't fucking think so—"

"Dr. Cullen?" A voice from behind me screeched.

Carlisle and I both turned to see one of the nurses, face red and flustered.

"A woman just came into the E.R, we need you to take a look."

Carlisle sighed, and I immediately stood. "I'll do it, dad. You just sit this one out."

I followed the woman into the Emergency Room, looking around for a woman who apparently needed the attention of a doctor. Usually Forks General Hospital didn't get too many E.R. patients, what with the town being so small.

My eyes automatically landed on a brown head of hair, and deep chocolate eyes filled with tears.

My heart skipped a beat and I flew to her side.

"Bella? What's the matter?"

She sniffed a little but before she could answer, a familiar masculine voice replied for her.

"She fell down the steps outside her father's house."

I narrowed my eyes at Mike Newton, and the hand he had wrapped around Bella's. For a moment all I could see was red, but then I remembered that Bella was injured and I kicked into doctor mode, shoving Mike—a smite too forcefully, but he didn't complain—out of the way as I knelt down in front of her.

By this time the nurse was giving me a strange look, obviously not expecting this sort of reaction out of me. I wasn't lying when I said I'd been a zombie these past few years.

"What hurts, Bella?" I asked desperately, capturing her trembling chin between my hands, making sure I had 100% of her attention.

"My ankle, Edward. I think it's sprained."

I shook my head, and without another word, I picked her up in my arms and carried her to a room. I knew she could have walked—limped—but I couldn't stand to see her in pain. I heard Mike huff in annoyance at my actions, but he followed dutifully. I repressed the urge to growl at him.

I also knew that her ankle wasn't simply sprained if Bella was crying. Bella fell down so much in the time that we were together—even before we got together that I could basically pinpoint what was wrong with her just by seeing her face. It never failed, though, to kill me when she was in pain.

If Bella was crying then it was broken…and my darling was in pain. I clenched my teeth as I set her on the examination table. It was unbearable to watch her flinch in pain.

I elevated her foot immediately and kissed her forehead, and only the clearing of a throat in the background had me pulling away.

I turned to Mike. "How did this happen?" It came out slightly harsher than I'd intended, and my eyes narrowed in suspicion.

But I knew better than anyone how clumsy Bella was—and I was very aware that this was probably of her own doing. It didn't stop me from being mistrustful of Newton, though. If he hurt her I would tear every bone from his body using my scalpel.

The thought brought a sick sense of satisfaction to me and I smiled despite my anger.

Bella answered for Mike, and my eyes automatically snapped to my love.

"I was walking out the door, on my way to get groceries for dinner. I guess the step was a big slippery from the rain, and I felt my leg buckle and I went down," she sounded slightly embarrassed admitting this, and I winced at the story. A blush colored her cheeks, and the picture of the generic woodland scene framed on the wall was suddenly the most interesting thing to her.

It almost hurt me to ask the next question. "Did you hear a snap?"

Bella shook her head vehemently but I heard Mike tsk behind me. "I thought I may have heard one, _Dr. Cullen_," he sneered by name as though it was poisonous and it was then that I knew that he knew. He knew how I felt about Bella.

I decided to ignore him, focusing on Bella instead. She had a wary look on her face when I turned back to her, looking between Michael and myself. "Well, we're going to have to take some X-Rays, Bella. You know the drill," I attempted to smile but it came out as more of a grimace.

She nodded in acceptance, and smiled back.

I filled out her chart in the meantime, slipping it in the slot outside the door for the nurse to pick up. I hoped they didn't fuck it up. If they did there would be hell to pay.

"Do you need a wheelchair, Bella?" Michael asked behind me, and I'm pretty sure the growl that sounded deep in my throat was audible in the small room.

Bella looked to me and I smirked, picking her up once more and carrying her out of the small room.

"That won't be necessary, _Mr. Newton._"

I grinned at Bella and she rolled her eyes at me as we made our way to radiology, my wounded princess in my arms, leaving Michael in the room alone.

* * *

"Well, darling, It's just as I thought," I said, and I saw the pleased look Bella gave me in return. Her fuckwad of a boyfriend had decided to have a seat in the waiting room, leaving me to care for Bella. As it should always be. I hung the X-Rays up on the light. "It's a type A Medial Malleolus fracture, which basically means that you've injured your ankle ligaments."

She groaned and I shook my head, fighting a smile. I took her hand. "You're very lucky, though. Since it's a type A it can be treated without surgery. That means six week short leg cast."

She nodded, pouting. I grinned at her and leaned in so my forehead was almost touching hers.

"You're very lucky, Bella. You almost gave me a heart attack when I saw you in the E.R. crying."

She leaned further into me, her eyes blazing into mine. "It's so fucking embarrassing."

I smirked but kissed her cheek, and she let out an unconscious breath.

"I'll call in Carlisle and have him do the cast. He's better at it than myself."

I stood up and walked to the door.

"Edward?" she whispered so quietly I wasn't sure I was supposed to hear. I turned anyway.

"Yes, love?"

"What am I going to do?"

I furrowed my brows and pulled up the chair, scooting close to her once again and sitting down. I took her hands in both my own.

"You're going to wear that cast for six weeks, Bella. You know the drill, darling. Keep it elevated. Put a bag over it in the shower, don't get it wet…don't do anything too strenuous."

An image of Mike and Bella in a rather…promiscuous position popped into my head and I squashed it. My ears flamed in jealousy.

"Not about the cast, Edward," Bella sounded slightly frustrated. "About Mike."

I sat back, understanding. "What do you want to do about Mike?"

She shook her head and looked down to her lap, and I fought the urge to comfort her.

"I don't know, Edward. I just don't know."

* * *

**BPOV**

I left the hospital with Mike in tow, but I couldn't help but wish it was another pair of arms helping me into the car with my new beast of a cast. A different color of eyes looking at me sympathetically, elevating my cast with a pillow.

Even the looks Edward had given me at the hospital had set me on fire, not to mention the attentive and even protective behavior Edward had shown over me at the hospital.

I hadn't realized how much I'd enjoyed those things. Well it turned out that I liked them. A whole fucking lot.

I didn't know how I hadn't attacked him at some point. Him carrying me, his strong arms wrapped around me had felt so safe and for some reason so erotic in its own way. I'd immediately forgotten about my injury and tucked my face into his neck, breathing in his earthy scent.

I didn't know how long I could keep pretending with Mike.

I knew, though, from the very pits of my heart, that something had to give soon.

I just didn't know what shape it would be in when it got here.

Charlie wasn't at all surprised to see the cast, and he joked it off as I hobbled around the kitchen preparing dinner.

Mike was silent, as per the usual nowadays, and we all chewed in silence.

"This is delicious, Bells." Charlie complimented.

All I could do was nod.

* * *

The days seemed to be going by at a faster pace lately.

Forks continued on. It still rained, and the women still gossiped and the men still discussed football games at the local watering holes.

The only difference was between Edward and I.

We'd taken to sneaking around each other at any chance we could possibly get.

For example, Rose and Emmett had a barbeque one night and invited the two of us, and we hadn't left each others' side the whole night. It was just Emmett, Rose, Edward and I. We all laughed and drank and watched movies. It was so easy to pretend that we were married again, having dinner with Edward's brother and his wife.

I couldn't help but notice Rosalie sneaking glances between Edward and I throughout the night, but my happy brain hadn't been sober enough to care.

I'd also started taking to going on walks through the park when I knew Edward would be off work. It wasn't an easy feat with the cast, by the way. But neither Charlie nor Mike questioned it, as long as dinner was made by the time they got home.

The same time everyday he and Jake would be walking through the park, and we'd sneak off to a secluded spot to talk.

It's not cheating, I'd told myself. We aren't doing anything wrong. Nothing sexual happened in all the times we'd seen each other. We didn't even kiss.

The conversations were insanely private, however. Half of them were more intrusive than even one of Mike's kisses. The times with Edward made me incredibly horny, and I could tell they were having the same effect on him.

I was hobbling through the park on a Tuesday afternoon, looking for Edward and smiling as I passed by a few locals.

I couldn't seem to find Edward, and after about ten minutes I began to get worried. I circled the park, heading toward his usual parking spot.

The Volvo was there.

I was confused. I looked out at the swings and the basketball hoops, past the gazebo and to the monkey bars.

Bingo.

There, knelt on the ground beside a little boy on the jungle gym, was Edward.

The little boy seemed to be having some sort of seizure, and the mother was standing over Edward with a look of pure panic on her face.

I rushed over as quickly as possible, dragging my cast the whole way.

I stood back but watched carefully with the rest of the crowd that had gathered as Edward supported the young man's head as he shook violently.

Tears came to my eyes as the mother dropped to her knees on the other side of the boy's head, tears streaming down her cheeks as she yelled at Edward.

"Has someone called the ambulance yet?" His voice was strong and clear, and to anyone else it would have sounded absolutely stoic and completely in control. I knew, though, that Edward was scared out of his mind for this little boy. He'd always had a thing for children, they'd always been one of his first priorities.

I heard one of the spectators mumble an affirmative, and Edward nodded and leaned down as the boy stopped shaking.

Watching him now, I knew that someday he'd be a wonderful father.

A little boy suddenly popped into my head, with crazy bronze hair and dark brown eyes.

The image was gone as fast as it had come. I heard the sounds of an ambulance in the distance, and Edward spoke softly to the hysterical mother.

"How old is he?" he whispered.

"He's 5," She stuttered out.

Edward smiled at her kindly and kept a tight hold on her son. "Has this ever happened before, ma'am?"

She nodded her head in the affirmative, obviously distressed. "He was diagnosed with epilepsy. I thought the pills were working…"

Edward nodded, his lips in a tight line. "I'm Dr. Edward Cullen, I'll make sure he gets taken care of, alright?" and his eyes and voice were so sincere that the mother began crying harder, hugging him.

By then the EMT had rushed in, and Edward helped them load the little boy into the back of the ambulance.

By the time they pulled away Edward looked absolutely exhausted, his face devoid of any emotion.

When he looked up, though, his facial expression changed. He strode purposely towards me, completely overlooking the onlookers as he took my hand and basically dragged me away from the park, grabbing Jake's leash that was tied temporarily to a nearby tree. Jake followed happily, already trying to get my attention.

Apparently I was going far too slow for Edward's liking because he finally just picked me up and carried me to our place. When we got there he set me on my feet for a matter of about two seconds before his lips crashed to mine and I was pushed against a nearby tree.

It felt like forever, instead of only a few weeks, since his lips had touched mine. I yearned for it.

I found myself moaning into his mouth as his tongue swept with mine, his unique taste hitting my tastebuds and making me want to scream for more. He groaned as he pulled his lips from mine, biting my lower lip as his slipped from between his.

"Mmm." He smiled against my cheek, placing a soft but wet kiss there. "Hello."

"Hello, Edward." I grinned.

"_What the fuck_?" the new voice made us both jump back to reality, and ice water entered my veins.

Well, _fuck._

* * *

**A/N: The question is,,,, why the hell do I love these cliffhangers so much? hehe**

**Please Review, because it really WILL make me write these chapters faster. You're all so amazing. **

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	16. Love At Its Finest

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. And she's VERY good at it. This storyline is mine, however. **

**A/N: This chapter sort of came out of nowhere. I'm doing my best to write these last few chapters as soon as I possibly can. **

**School's right around the corner! :(**

**I hope you enjoy this! **

* * *

"What the fuck?"_ the new voice made us both jump back to reality, and ice water entered my veins. _

_Well, _fuck.

"Shit," Edward murmured, and he pulled away from me, but kept his hand planted firmly in my own.

She stood there gaping at the two of us, her perfect blonde hair framing her face.

The expression on her face was a mix between wonder and horror, both of which directed toward our tangled fingers.

Edward held firm, though, shoulders back and head high. Myself, on the other hand, was the exact opposite.

I wanted nothing more than to run into Edward's arms so he could protect and shield me from the real world.

"What the fuck do you two think you're doing?" Now she was just plain pissed.

"Rosalie…" Edward began, obviously trying to calm her down.

"Fuck off, Edward," She wasn't in the mood, of that we could tell. Edward just shuffled closer to me, putting his arm around me and squeezing my hip.

"Rose," I started, but shut up when she gave me a look that clearly meant to fuck off.

"Listen here, you two, because I've got to get this off my chest before we go any farther. Not that I didn't know this was happening, I'd have to be fucking blind, deaf and stupid to not know, but are you serious? Bella, you should be ashamed. Mike? That name ring a bell? And Edward, I figured that all this cheating talk would make you immune to the whole idea but here you are! Bella has a boyfriend, and this is absolutely cheating. You two should be seriously embarrassed," she stopped to take a breath and I cut in.

"I know, Rose," I had to concentrate extremely hard not to duck my head. I was a grown woman and I could make my own decisions. "I know that this is wrong. And that the way we're doing this is so absolutely fucked it's ridiculous. But honestly? Could you stay away from Emmett?"

Rosalie pursed her lips, not happy with the comparison. "I'd break up with any other man before I'd let Emmett lay a finger on me."

Edward rolled his eyes. "We haven't had sex, Rosalie."

Rosalie scoffed. "You think I don't know that, either? I may be younger than you, Edward Cullen, but I'm not fucking stupid. The sexual tension between you two could melt a glacier."

"I understand that you're upset, Rosalie. And I honestly don't want to have to be in this situation, either…"

Rosalie held up a perfectly manicured finger. "Then put a stop to it, Bella. Go home and tell Mike RIGHT NOW that you're done," her voice had raised by the end, and I could tell that she meant business.

"Rosalie," Edward snapped, angry now. "Don't yell at Bella and DON'T tell her what to do. Mind your business." He growled.

Rosalie was undeterred. "Do what you want, you two. But don't think I'm having any further part in it. I was raised better than this and so were you, Bella," I hung my head, knowing she was right.

"I'll do it tonight," my voice rang strong and sure between us, even though I was feeling anything but on the inside.

Edward's arm tightened around me, but he looked pleased. I could tell that he'd been fretting about Mike as well.

Rosalie's attitude went from zero to sixty in five seconds because suddenly she was marching over to me and pulling me into a hug.

"I love you, Bella," she said, squeezing my tightly and pulling me away from Edward. "And I have a feeling I'm going to love having you as a sister," She winked, then turned to Edward.

"Don't make me kick your ass, pansy boy," she warned comically, but then she leaned in to give him a dainty hug, which he returned good-naturedly.

"I'll try," He murmured, sending me a look over her shoulder.

* * *

I sighed loudly, leaning back against the truck as Jake sat patiently by my side. He looked up at me every few minutes, almost expectantly.

Edward gave me a look that said he knew exactly what I was about to go and do.

"Why did you date Mike?" he said, breaking the silence that had settled.

"Huh?"

"Why did you date him? Do you…_love _him?" he choked a little on that word, but I could hear how hard he was trying to sound blasé.

I scuffed my shoe on the ground, looking down. "I guess I thought I did, in the beginning."

"You thought you did?"

I nodded. "And then I came back here. And when I was around you… I wasn't so sure."

We were both quiet for a moment.

"It isn't just the chase, is it, Edward?" I finally asked, wanting so badly to get that question out in the open.

He turned to me incredulously, taking a step closer involuntarily.

"What the hell are you talking about? The _chase_?"

"Are you just doing this to say you can? Please, think about this Edward, because I can't go through the same thing again, I couldn't take it."

He was still giving me that look. "When has it ever been about the chase with you, Bella? _Never_. I've always loved you. Always. And I will until the day that I die," he took my face between his cool, long fingers. "I know I haven't been the best husband to you, Bella. But I promise. I swear to_ God_ that I will spend every single day of forever making it up to you. Earning your trust. You are everything to me, Bella. Everything."

"Oh, Edward," I whispered, leaning into him and wrapping my arms around him. He responded, his arms wrapping tightly around me and holding me to him.

It was several minutes before I pulled away, turning and opening the door to the truck.

"I gotta go," I tried my best to sound convincing. I gave him my bravest smile, but it trembled a little.

He gave me a sympathetic smile in return. "I don't want you to do anything you don't want to, Bella," He shook his head, as though the words pained him. "I'll always want to be with you, and love you. Always. But if you don't want me. If you want to… explore the possibilities… I'm not going to hold you back. I've made you so unhappy…and I refuse to ever do that again."

He was rambling, and I stopped him by holding up my hand.

"I have never felt so much pain and hurt than when I signed those divorce papers…" my voice cracked and his face crumpled. "But I've also never felt so alive…so purely and absolutely happy than I do when I'm with you. I've tried living without you, Edward. And I was fooling myself. It's impossible. I need you."

"I need you too," he replied tearfully.

"I love you," I whispered, getting into my truck and slamming the door.

This made him smile. "I love you too, Bella. Forever."

* * *

When my dad walked in the door that evening I met him at the door.

"Hey, dad?"

"Yeah, kiddo?" He asked, surprised. "What's up?"

"I was wondering…" I felt bad for saying this, but it had to be done. "If maybe you could visit Billy or Sue tonight for a few hours… me and Mike sort of need to talk…"

Charlie narrowed his eyes. "Bella, if you and the boy wanted alone time all you had to do was ask…"

"No, Dad!" I exclaimed, mortified. "It's not_ that_ kind of alone time. It's just…I really need to talk to him."

Charlie nodded in understanding. "Alright, Billy did say something the other day about stopping by… I'll just take him up on it."

I sighed in relief. "Thanks, dad."

"Anytime, kiddo. Just please, not on the couch."

"Dad!" I yelled, horrified. "We're just going to talk, seriously!"

"Sure, Bells. I'm not completely naïve here. Don't think I don't know what young kids do…"

I rolled my eyes. "Goodbye, dad."

"See ya, kid."

I was still shuddering from awkwardness as I stepped into the kitchen and finished up dinner. It was simple, steak and baked potato, and I put two steaks and a potato on a plate for Charlie to heat up at another time. This was his favorite meal, after all.

Mike was upstairs in the shower, and as soon as he smelled the food he made his way down the stairs.

"Hey," I said, as cheerfully as possible, even though my stomach was in absolute knots.

"Hey," he murmured, sitting down at the table immediately.

I brought over the steak and potatoes, setting them down in front of him before pouring us both glasses of water.

He began shoveling in the food immediately, without even looking up at me.

_Do it, Bella!_ I shouted at myself. _Quit being such a pussy and do it!_

"Uh, Mike—" I started, but the chime of his cell interrupted us.

He pulled it out of his pocket, took one look at the caller ID, and then put it back into his pocket.

Strange. He usually always answered.

"Unknown number?" I questioned, trying to talk about _anything_ at all. I hadn't even touched my food yet. If I tried I knew I'd puke.

"Uh, yeah…" he murmured, studying his plate.

I nodded to myself, cursing Mike to the very bottom of his existence.

"Where's your father?" He asked, as though he suddenly remembered Charlie was usually here.

"I asked him to leave…" this is a start.

"Why?"

Just then the phone chimed again, and with obvious discomfort and took it out of his pocket and answered with obvious annoyance.

"Hello? - Yeah, well now isn't a good time. - Yeah, I'm actually in the middle of eating dinner. - It won't be until this weekend at least. - yeah. - okay, well I'll talk to you later then.- yeah, you too."

I looked at him curiously as he shut the phone.

"Who was that?" I asked curiously.

"Drop it, Bella," Whoa, what the hell?

"Who was it, Mike?" I asked, getting a little pissed.

"You know what? I can't even eat my dinner in peace. I'm leaving. I'll talk to you later."

"Michael Newton you will not leave until I've said what I have to say!"

"What do you have to say, Bella? What could you possibly say right now that I don't already know?"

Now he was just pissing me off.

I gave him a look that I knew was fierce. My face seemed set in stone. "Was that a woman, Mike?"

I didn't know when this conversation had turned to this, but I was slightly shocked to say the least.

This only made him angrier. "What's it to you?"

I couldn't understand this side of him. What had come over him? Had he seen Edward and I together?

He wouldn't—couldn't—cheat on me after all the things I'd told him about Edward…could he?

He wasn't doing a very good job at convincing me.

"Bella, I don't know what the fuck has come over you in these past few weeks, but this town… It's honestly made a very different side of you come out…and I'm not sure I like it."

I gaped. "This is my home, Mike. I—"

"Your home? What happened to Seattle, Bella? What happened to your life there, huh? You know, your job, Angela? ME!"

"Mike… I just—"

"I thought you were better than these people, Bella. I thought you were better than this life."

"Excuse me?" Don't fucking say it…

"This town is trash. It's poison, especially for you. I thought you knew that… I thought we agreed. A few weeks and then we were gone… but no, of course not, you had to get reattached… and now it's gonna be that much harder when we leave."

"Who said I'm leaving? And some of the best people I've ever known live in this town, Mike, so keep talking shit about them. This is where I grew up. This is my home."

"Well, it's not mine."

"Yeah. You've made that pretty clear," I shook my head in absolute disbelief. "I think you should leave, Mike. If this is what you think then I don't have anything else to say to you."

"Fine, just let me get my stuff."

I put my head down in my hands, sitting down at the kitchen table once more. My plate still sat untouched, and I couldn't bring myself to touch it.

The conversation had certainly not gone the way I'd thought.

And what was with the phone call? And his reaction? I shook my head.

He was coming down the stairs and I picked my head up.

We made eye contact but he looked away quickly.

"By the way," he said, his voice almost bragging. "That was Jessica Stanley on the phone. I've been talking to her lately."

"Good," I said, my voice devoid of any emotion. I could honestly care less if he was talking to Jessica.

"You're not mad?"

"Mike, I don't really give a shit who you fuck behind my back. Just tell Jessica to stay the fuck away from Edward, and to stay the fuck away from me."

He nodded, looking at the ground.

"I really did love you, Bella."

"I know you did, Mike," I murmured. "But I want you to understand that I just… wasn't capable of loving you back."

Neither of us said anything for a moment.

"You and Cullen, then?"

"It's none of your business, Mike."

"He cheated on you, Bella."

"He didn't cheat on me, Mike. But you did. So, please save me the trouble of getting up and kicking your ass and just leave, please."

That was the last I heard from Mike.

* * *

**A/N: Tell me what you think, please!**

**I'm very worried you'll all be pissed at how I left this with Mike, but I believe it had to be done. **

**I refuse to let Bella and Edward progress their relationship any farther by cheating on Mike...even though he's been doing some cheating of his own!**

**Review, please, so I can sleep at night. :) **


	17. New Beginnings

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all these fabulous characters. She gets all the credit. **

**A/N: Well, by the time you've read this I'll already have started school. :(**

**The chapters will come weekly now (every wednesday, HOPEFULLY) probably a little after 4:30 PM EASTERN TIME. **

**There will be two more regular chapters after this one then an epilogue which brings us to...20 chapters! **

**:D**

**Well, as always, I hope you like it!**

* * *

If two months ago someone told me that I would be sitting on a couch with Edward, sipping wine while he ran his fingers through my hair with the unmistakable sound of "Friends" on in the background, I'd have told them they were certifiable…

And I'm actually surprised Alice hadn't called this one…She seemed to be pretty good at guessing those kind of things. It was freaky.

Mike Newton was slowly turning into a distant memory as the time went on. I could never bring myself to regret the relationship…I only regretted letting everything get so out of hand that I became what I used to believe my ex-husband was.

Edward was furious when I'd told him of our conversation, claiming he'd "kill the bastard" for cheating on me with Jessica Stanley.

I'd told him that it was all water under the bridge. It didn't matter now. Mike was gone and we were…happy.

Charlie hadn't been quite as understanding. I knew they'd had a sort of relationship going on…some kind of father/son thing, and Charlie was looking forward to Mike becoming the son he'd never had…or lost when Edward and I had split up. The fact that we weren't going through with the marriage was hard for Charlie, but I'd explained to him that neither of us were very happy.

I still hadn't exactly told Charlie about my relationship with Edward, and if I was being completely honest I knew it was because I was avoiding it like a coward.

Edward and I knew for a fact how Charlie would react to this new piece of information. He'd be absolutely furious.

It most definitely wasn't a situation I was looking forward to. We agreed that I'd do it on my own time, casually mention to Charlie that I was having dinner with Edward…and then work up to bringing him back into the house. Lately I'd been telling Charlie I was going to Rose and Emmett's, or hanging out with Alice.

I knew Charlie would put up a fight, though, and if I knew my father as well as I think I did, there would probably be a gun involved.

"What's got you so caught up in your own thoughts?" Edward's long finger reached up to smooth out the wrinkle on my forehead as he pulled my face to his.

"I'm thinking about telling Charlie," I admitted.

Edward sucked in a breath, and smiled at me softly. "Don't be worried, darling. Charlie will be happy with whatever it is that makes you happy. It may take him a while to get used to the idea…but we'll do it slowly. I'll earn back his trust the same way I plan to earn back yours…with time."

"You already have my trust," I slapped his chest playfully.

He frowned, suddenly serious. "Are you sure, though, Bella? After all of this… I just want us to be _us_ again, you know? I want you and I…_together_. Happy. Always."

"I'm not leaving again," I said, but then stopped. "I'm not leaving _you,_" I clarified. "I have a job back in Seattle, Edward. I have a life and friends…and I can't just throw that all away. These past few weeks with you have been the best I've had in a while…and I want more of them in the future. But we need to figure things out before we move on."

"I agree," He nodded, taking both of our wine glasses and setting them on the end table in front of us. "Starting with the subject of therapy."

I winced as he said this, knowing it needed to be discussed but having a hard time facing it.

"Couples Therapy," I said it like it was a dirty word.

"I think it would be beneficial for us, Bella. After all these problems we've had…the miscommunications…the miscarriage," at this we both simultaneously winced, "I think that you and I need a little help in those areas. Because I want to be good enough for you, Bella. And I want you to trust me and be able to talk to me about _anything_."

I smiled, placing my arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. "I want those things too. And I agree that we may need a little help getting there. But I love you, and I always will, and that will never change."

"Alright, now that we've agreed on that, how about living arrangements?"

This was something I'd been thinking about a lot lately, and I shook my head.

"I want to be able to see you, but I have to be able to work, Edward. I can't drive home from Seattle every night and you can't drive home from Forks every night."

He nodded, disappointed. "What if I got a job in Seattle with you? There are plenty of hospitals in Seattle…"

"But you can't just drop everything here, Edward. They need you here…" I was starting to get frustrated by the situation.

"I need _you _more," he insisted. "My father can take care of the Forks General, Bella. I'm not the only doctor there, either. I'm overqualified for the job I'm doing now, anyway. For my education and schooling, I shouldn't be a small town doctor."

I considered. "Do we really want to do this now, though? Just jump headfirst into this and go balls-out? What if that ends up being a bad thing in the end…?"

"How could it be a bad thing if we're together, Bella?"

I groaned, burying my face into his chest. "I don't know, Edward. About any of it."

We sat in silence for a few moments.

"How about I talk to dad and get a few references for a good therapist? Until we figure things out then I could just stay in Forks…" he hesitated, as though it pained him to say it. "And you could stay in Seattle for a while. Then, when we were sure, we could just…pick up where we left off."

I nodded my head, relieved. "We can see each other on the weekends…and you don't work every day of the week. It won't be that bad."

He gave me a tight smile and a kiss on the forehead. "Not that bad."

* * *

Charlie sat across from me at the table, sipping a beer while reading the paper. I was fidgeting in my seat, waiting for the microwave to beep so I could get out the leftover lasagna…for one.

It finally dinged and I shot up out of my seat like a rocket, and I saw Charlie's eyes shift to me curiously.

"What's up, Bells? You look like you've got ants in your pants."

I ignored him, slowly scooping the pasta onto a plate, pouring him a glass of milk.

I set it down in front of him then resumed my spot across from him, fidgeting.

He was about to take a bite then stopped, staring at me.

"You're not going to eat?" The question hung in the air between us, his eyes assessing me skeptically.

Lasagnas my favorite and, damn him, he knew it. His moustache twitched slightly, almost as though he was repressing a smile.

When I didn't answer he pressed on.

"So, then, who's the lucky guy, Bells?"

It was now or never.

"I'."

"WHAT?" the shout was so loud we both jumped as it echoed throughout the small kitchen and back to our ears.

I winced, hanging my head. "I'm going out to dinner tonight with Edward, dad."

"As in a date?" He asked rudely, no longer amused.

"Yes."

"What the fuck, Bella?" he growled. "No, no, I won't allow this. Not as long as you're under my roof. He broke you, Bella. He won't do it again."

I was getting angry now. "Dad, I'm a grown woman…"

"Well, then, act like it Bella!" I was so shocked I didn't answer. "Tell me that isn't why you broke things off with Mike—"

"It's none of your goddamn business why I broke things off with Mike! I refuse to sit here and let you treat me like I'm sixteen again. I'm a grown woman, dad. I can do what I want."

He shook his head, "I knew you should never have come back here, Isabella Marie Swan. That boy is quick sand. He's poison for you."

"You don't know anything about how Edward is for me, dad! I know what I'm doing. And I want this."

"He cheated—"

"There was a misunderstanding that is no longer misunderstood," I continued without letting him finish. "And now I'm going to try to salvage my marriage. It's time. I can't live without him, dad. You'll have to take it or leave it. But wherever I am…Edward will be there too."

Well, so much for taking it slow.

"Isabella, do you really think this is the best idea?"

"We've already talked to a counselor. Our first appointment is Tuesday."

He seemed surprised by this. "You've already talked about this with him?"

"Yes, he's been a part of this one hundred percent of the way. He wants this fixed as much as I do," I said surely.

He shook his head, rubbing his hands over his eyes. "Why haven't you told me any of this, Bella? Why haven't I been informed of these things? I didn't even know you were talking to him…"

"I'd really like you to like him, dad," I pleaded with my eyes for him to accept this. "Please. For me."

He huffed, taking a large gulp of beer.

"Are you meeting him or is he picking you up?" I was slightly surprised when he asked this.

"Uhh, he's picking me up, why?" Suddenly, that didn't sound like such a good idea.

"Perfect," Charlie didn't say anymore, and I didn't ask.

Well, fuck.

It wasn't an hour later that I heard the familiar purr of the Volvo's engine outside. Edward and I agreed that I was to meet him in the car, to avoid confrontation with Charlie so soon.

But, my father seemed to have different ideas.

"Tell him to come on in, Bells."

Well, double fuck.

Edward's face was white as I relayed this information, but he obeyed. Just before we walked back inside to face Charlie, he took my hand in his.

"I love you," he said, his eyes blazing into mine. I was suddenly a gooey mess, looking at him like a sappy teenage girl.

"I love you too."

He nodded, and I lead him into this house with him slightly behind me. I figured Charlie wouldn't shoot him if I was standing in front of him.

Charlie seemed to size Edward up for a few moments, and I was surprised to see that Charlie's belt and holster weren't around his hip.

"Chief Swan," Edward nodded, keeping his hand in mine, but reaching out with the other one for Charlie to shake.

I commended Edward on the whole 'Chief Swan' deal. It never hurt to kiss ass.

Charlie ignored Edward's hand, keeping his eyes trained on his face. "Edward."

We all stood there awkwardly for a moment, and Charlie sighed loudly.

"I'm not very happy about this, I'll make that known immediately."

Edward nodded. "I understand, sir, but I promise I'll take good care of our Bella."

Charlie narrowed his eyes at Edward. "One word, son. One bad word about you comes out of her mouth and I won't hesitate to come and find you. You're lucky I didn't last time. And you're sure as hell lucky that Bella is giving you another chance."

"Yes I am, sir. I'll be forever grateful that she has," Edward smiled down at me fondly, and I couldn't help but return it.

When we turned back to Charlie he seemed wary.

"Don't hurt her, Edward. Because if you do I will kill you myself."

"DAD!" I screamed, horrified.

Edward squeezed my hip comfortingly."It's alright, love. He's perfectly correct," he turned to Charlie. "I've been a fool, sir, but I won't ever let her down again. You have my word."

Charlie nodded, but kept the mask in place. He extended a hand for Edward to shake, and Edward immediately grasped it and shook it.

"Oh, and Edward, stop with the 'sir' bullshit. That didn't work the first time we met, it sure as hell won't work now. Call me Charlie."

* * *

"Are you nervous for Tuesday?" I asked timidly, the silence in the meadow was peaceful, but I was shaken up enough that it did nothing to soothe my nerves.

"Yeah," he admitted. "Very. But the sooner we get through this…the sooner we can be 'us' again."

I crawled on top of his chest, looking down at his beautiful face, surrounded by wildflowers.

He looked like an angel at times like these. I was deluding myself all those times I told myself I could live without him.

I couldn't. It would be impossible and it would be horrible.

He peeked his eyes open to smile at me, capturing my lips in a soft kiss.

Of course, with us, that wasn't all it turned out to be.

It quickly turned passionate as we battled for dominance.

He won, as he usually did, and I was more than happy to let him take control. Our physical relationship hadn't gone very far since I'd broken it off with Mike. There had been some passionate kissing and heavy petting, but other than that, I think we both wanted to wait for the actual act of coming together again after so long.

I shoved my tongue into his mouth, finding his as they danced together, and he rolled over so he was on top of me.

It was so easy to be with him like this. We seemed to just pick up where we left off. I didn't know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, but I liked it, all the same.

He grabbed my hips and began rubbing his against mine, making both of us groan loudly into each other's mouths.

I could feel him, hard and ready, rubbing against me_ there_, and I'd never felt anything so delicious. I wished the material of our jeans wasn't in the way.

Well, apart from having his cock inside of me.

He continued rubbing, sending us both into a frenzy. The way his hips hit mine in just the right way, I was arching my back and moaning like a porn star.

He seemed to enjoy it as much as I did, only breaking our kiss to breathe my name into my neck, leaving wet kisses there as he continued to thrust.

I felt the familiar tightening in my stomach, and I hadn't had one of his orgasms in so long that I'd forgotten what they felt like.

My back arched, my toes curled, and my fingers grasped him like a lifeline as a string of long, low moans left my mouth.

With two more thrusts he was grunting and groaning right along with me.

He laid on top of me, spent.

It was a few minutes before either of us broke the blissful silence.

"I love you so much, Bella. I'll never tell you that enough so that you can actually know how much I mean it."

"Oh, Edward," I whispered, pulling his face to mine and kissing him softly. "I love you too. More than you'll ever know."

We both smiled sappily at each other.

Everything was amazing. And bright and finally,_ finally_ perfect.

* * *

**A/N: Wow, these kids need to get it on already. The sexual tension is starting to make ME uncomfortable! haha**

**I really hope you like this, because if you don't, it would make me sad. **

**Please review and tell me, I hate begging but I will if I have to... :D**

**And also, if you follow the link on my profile to my website, I believe there will be a teaser for Chapter 18 VERY SOON. *wink wink***

**Until Next Time..! **


	18. End of the Beginning

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters. I'm just giving it a new twist. **

**A/N: Well, here it is, as promised. **

**The reviews weren't quite as fabulous last chapter, but I understand, I'd just appreciate a little feedback. Believe me, it helps me write this thing. **

**:D**

**See you at the bottom. **

* * *

**EPOV**

Dr. Jane Volturi sat in her dark leather chair behind an even bigger oak desk, sitting straight up in her chair. Her hair was pulled back severely around her face, which was aged and withered, but I could see the laugh lines around her eyes.

Thick framed glasses sat on the tip of her nose as she wrote down notes.

It was Bella's turn to speak, as the doctor had asked us to convey the results of our communication and such since our last visit.

The first time we came in to her office both Bella and I were intimidated by her, but by the end of the hour-long session we were both completely comfortable around her.

She was serious in what she did, that was obvious, but she also knew that she could joke and be funny when need be.

All of those things put us at ease, and by the fourth visit we were both comfortable discussing our feelings and issues in front of Jane Volturi.

All in all, I believed the therapy sessions were life-savers.

Not only were we more communicative towards one another, but we both felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off both of our shoulders. We no longer felt as if a single feather landing atop the piles of our issues would bring down the whole thing.

We didn't have to worry anymore.

For a few days I had beaten myself up for not having done this back when we were still married, knowing that we could have cut out all the bullshit.

In the last session we'd finally discussed the miscarriage. After many tears shed from each of us, Dr. Volturi had given us some tips on how to deal with grief, together.

She encouraged us to keep our physical relationship slow, but not to stop it altogether.

I wasn't exactly sure if "slow" would be the word I'd use to describe it, but this build-up was surely going to be the death of me.

We'd never taken more than a few articles of clothing off at a time, but that was more than enough.

The woman had always been able to make my dick go from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye. Seeing her simply walking, her hips swaying seductively, or bending over to pick up a paper instantly had me hard anymore.

If I was being completely honest, I think she was doing it on purpose.

Minx.

I smiled involuntarily, and I felt Bella squeeze my hand from beside me, bringing me back to the present.

This was our very last session with the therapist, as we had both seen great results and both knew for a fact, as well as consent from the therapist, that we were ready to do this on our own.

Bella was still discussing her feelings—feelings we'd already discussed far before we came here—and she was smiling in my direction. I knew she knew where my thoughts had taken me.

She always seemed to know.

Jane's voice rang clear in the room.

"You two have seen amazing recovery in the past few weeks. Most couples don't come back as fast as the two of you. I suppose it probably has to do with the fact that you two are so willing to fix this thing between you. That is what will save your relationship. I have no doubt that you two will overcome all of these things standing in your way, and any future obstacles you may face."

I wrapped my arm around Bella—the love of my existence—and smiled down at her. Her own brilliant brown eyes grinned back up at me.

Jane Volturi smiled at us indulgently. "You both have my number, if ever a problem shall arise. Just remember, communication is key. No secrets."

We both nodded excitedly as Jane handed us the papers to sign claiming our sessions would come to an end.

It was time to start our lives together.

* * *

My family had been the most supportive of us since we've gotten back together. Charlie still held hostility towards us, which was understandable, but at least I was allowed in his home now.

Not that the need to go there arose often.

Bella had moved back to Seattle a little after we'd started the therapy sessions. I would be lying through my teeth if I said those months apart were _easy_.

They were so far from easy it fucking hurt.

But we saw each other every weekend, and every Tuesday for our appointments. It was always so bittersweet, though, because we knew we'd be saying goodbye again soon.

All it took was one night for me to make up my mind. Bella called me on the phone, bawling and sobbing, barely able to speak. She was obviously lonely, crying whilst saying how much she missed me and that she couldn't even focus on work because all she could think about was the distance separating us.

We'd talked it through, just as Jane had taught us, and after I'd calmed her down I hung up and felt like absolute shit.

It wasn't a week later that I moved to Seattle with her.

And just like that, Bella and I were together again.

At first, getting up that early was nuts and the drive was crazy, but it had turned out to be the best decision of my life. As soon as things got on track, so did we.

Her apartment in Seattle was small, but efficient, and as much as I begged her to buy a bigger, more expensive one—especially now that my pay checks had gotten ridiculously bigger—but she always declined.

And I understood her reasoning.

We were together.

That was it, and that was all.

It was all we'd wanted, and we'd finally got it. I got to see her when I came home at night and we got to wake up beside each other in the mornings.

We'd been cautioned about taking that big of a step, but in the end we both knew it was right for us. The distance would have eventually driven a wedge between us, and we weren't willing to let that happen.

Bella's mother had called numerous times after receiving a heads-up from Charlie. He got a good tongue-lashing from Bella as well, for not having kept his nose in his own business.

Renee Dwyer lived in Florida but she promised me—over the phone—that she would happily catch a flight to Seattle and slaughter my ass if I ever hurt Bella again.

I even got to meet Angela, Bella's best new friend, and though at first she acted strange around me, she eventually grew to accept me being around Bella. I assumed Bella had told her the true story, and we'd even gone out with her and her boyfriend Ben a few times. I even met a few guys at her work, and we'd all become fast friends. After all these years, I finally felt like we had it all back on track.

Alice was, if I had to choose, the most supportive one of them all. She and Jasper had numerous get-togethers back at their home in Forks, and Bella and myself had been invited to each of them. She'd also dedicated them to us finding our relationship again.

I swear Bella blushed every single time my father stood up to toast us, Emmett making innuendos and suggesting dirty things, prompting him to get a swift smack to the back of the head by Rose, my mother, and even Alice on one occasion.

"Feisty one you got yourself, there, Ed," Emmett commented, the patented Cullen smirk gracing his lips. Bella and Alice had just got in a heated discussion about whether Leonardo Dicaprio was hotter in his Titanic days, or now.

Bella claimed that nothing could beat him hanging off the side of a sinking ship while Alice argued that older men had more experience.

Bella had then made a comment, unknowingly, about how a man didn't have to be old to satisfy a woman.

Then Emmett had made that smart-ass comment.

"Don't call me Ed, Emmett," I growled good-naturedly. "I'm about two of your nicknames for me away from showing Rosalie those pictures of you at Myrtle Beach."

Emmett's eyes widened for a fraction, then another smirk came over his face.

"Fine, I'll just tell mom and dad the time you and Bella-boo here took the car to—"

Bella aimed a piece of pasta with her fork and shot it straight at him, hitting him in the middle of the forehead, cutting him off.

It was so much like old times, the times when we were happy, that I couldn't help but laughing boisterously along with everyone else and smiling towards the love of my life.

At the end of the night we said goodbye to everyone, blaming our early departure on the long drive back to Seattle. Truth be told, I just wanted to be alone with her.

I thanked God every day of my life that she'd come back to me. That we'd given "us" another chance.

And I would never, ever fuck with that again.

Ever.

I was so absolutely content to spend the rest of my days with my Bella, and someday seeing her gray-haired by my side, surrounded by our grandchildren.

We'd broached the subject about trying again for children, and we'd been talking about it a lot lately. Despite the fact that our physical relationship was still being left at PG-13, we knew we wanted to try again someday.

"How many kids do you want, Edward?" the question came out of nowhere really, as we climbed into our bed.

"Nineteen," I automatically answered, grinning down at her. "All of them boys. The girls, we'll give away to the circus."

She laughed heartily. "Why? Because you won't be able to handle the little boys coming around wanting to date your daughters?"

She had me there. Just thinking about it made me angry.

"Whatever, silly girl. We can have as many babies as you want," I wrapped my arms around her and gently brushed her hair away from her cheek.

She nuzzled her nose into my chest, snuggling up to me. "You're the best man I know, Edward," she whispered into my bare chest, her breath tickling my skin and her words giving me goosebumps.

"Bella…" I murmured, as she sat up suddenly, a wild look in her eyes. I knew that look. She was about to either pounce on me, or have a breakdown.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't…that before…that I lost the first baby."

"Oh, Bella, baby…" I took her into my arms, holding her tight. "I'm sorry about it too, love, but you did absolutely nothing wrong. The doctors all agreed, sometimes these things just happen…"

"But we could have been so happy together…"

"We can still be happy together, sweet girl. The future is ours. We have all the time in the world," I cooed to her, tucking her head under my neck.

She sighed and nodded against me, her fingers clenched around my bicep. "You're going to be the best father in the world, Edward, I just know it."

If only she knew how much her words affected me.

"In fact," her voice took on a wicked edge, "maybe we should start trying _now_."

Before I could react her hand was on my boxers, and for the love of God, she _cupped _me. I let out a groan of pleasure. As though I wasn't already turned on by her enough.

As always, things got heated fast. Tongue tangled, hips rubbed, and fingers explored. She and I had both climaxed twice before we pealed off the rest of our clothes.

"Bella," I whispered, "Honey, we can't do this now."

She groaned in frustration, taking hold of me and guiding me to her warmth. I had to grit my teeth to resist plunging into her. It had been so fucking long since I'd been with her like this.

Too long.

I grabbed her hips to stop her though, and before I could change my mind I rolled myself off the bed and onto the rug beside it. I landed with an oomph, but it was exactly the jolt I needed to get control of myself.

I was still hard as a fucking rock, but at least my brain was working.

"Bella, honey, we can't do this now," I repeated, my voice rising a few octaves.

"Edward!" she groaned loudly, "Why the fuck not?"

"Because, darling, we don't have any protection—"

"I'm on the pill, Edward! You know that!" she whined, but I could tell she was glad that we'd stopped. All we needed was a little head-clearing.

"Bella, love, I'd rather we wait."

The words hung in the air between us as she slowly turned her head to look at me, eyes narrowed.

I put on my boxers absentmindedly, snatching them from the headboard where they'd been thrown.

"Wait until what, Edward?"

I sighed deeply and stood up straight, walking to her side and sitting down next to her. I pulled an old shirt of mine over her in modesty.

This was most definitely not how I thought I'd do this.

"Marriage, darling," I whispered, afraid of her reaction.

She groaned loudly, "Nooo, Edwardddd!"

I laughed at her frustration, smoothing back her hair around her face.

She was absolutely the most beautiful woman I'd ever beheld.

I took her face in my hands as I reached into the bedside table, picking up an old journal of mine that I'd decided would have been a good a place as any.

"Shhhh, my love, and let me do this right," I cleared my throat. "Isabella Marie Swan, you are the sunshine in my heart, you are the song I'm always singing in my head. You are the love of my life. And I promise you, that I will do my very best to make you happy every single moment of our lives. Would you do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my wife…again?"

She put her hand over her mouth as I brought out her ring, the ring she'd given back to me all those years ago. I held it between my fingers, awaiting her answer.

She sat in silence for a few moments before a small smile crept over her angel's face.

"Oh, for God's sake, Edward! Just give me back my ring already!" She laughed.

"Is that a yes?" I checked, smirking.

"Yes, of course it is!" she jumped into my arms, and I picked her up off the bed, clutching her to me and swinging her around.

I connected our lips joyously, this kind of happiness a distant memory in my mind. But I remembered it, nonetheless. And I welcomed it back with open arms.

I slipped the ring onto her waiting finger, loving that it was back where it belonged.

We smiled at each other sappily, crawling into our bed and snuggling close to each other.

This was just the end of the beginning of the rest of our lives.

* * *

**A/N: Mmmm, I love these two! :D**

**Don't forget, teasers for the next chapters are posted on my blog. Make sure you check it out!**

**And please, please give me feedback so I know what you all want to come of our Edward and Bella. **

**REVIEW (because it makes me love you more) hehe**

**Until next Wednesday...**


	19. The Wedding

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and these fabulous characters. I own nothing but this storyline. Please don't steal it. **

**Well, ladies and gents, we're coming into the home stretch, aren't we? **

**To those of you who checked out my blog last Wednesday (smart people :D) you pretty much know what this chapter's gonna be about. **

**I REALLY hope you like it. **

**See you at the bottom. **

* * *

**BPOV**

We were engaged for about a year and a half before we finally decided to tie the knot. That was more than enough time for Alice, Esme, and my mother to go crazy on wedding plans.

Edward and I begged for a small ceremony, considering we'd already done it once, but Alice had glared at us when we mentioned just going to a Justice of the Peace.

And so, again, a large wedding was planned.

And I knew deep down that even though I didn't need all the extravagance to profess the love for my man, I enjoyed it just a little.

In that time, I'd also gotten a new offer from another big publishing company in Seattle, a job as an editor of Children's books. I could work from home and my pay would still be about twice as much as I was making before.

I decided to take it.

It took us all of two weeks to move me back into the house I shared with Edward. Our house. It always had been, and it always would be.

Edward often complained that we'd need more room for when kids came, but I just looked at him like he was nuts.

The place was a palace, and at the end of the day, he loved it just as much as I did, and knew that even if we had twenty kids—or nineteen, like he wanted—it would still be more than enough room.

And life went on.

I woke up beside Edward every morning on our huge, comfortable, fluffy bed, and I was everywhere I needed to be in life.

Sometimes I'd catch him looking at me across the room at his family's house, or staring at me while he was pretending to watch a movie, and the look on his face would be pure happiness. He looked at me like I was the only thing in his world.

And I suppose I was, and I felt the same way about him.

I absolutely loved my new job. I wasn't settling one bit.

This place was where I grew up, and I would love nothing more than to raise my kids in Forks.

Children was always a big subject for Edward, and I had a feeling it was because of all the time we'd lost.

When he was really feeling playful he'd joke with me about how my biological clock was ticking, and I may only have one or two eggs left.

I'd smirked at him, pinching his cheeks and turning back to _Grey's Anatomy_. And you'd think, considering my own boyfriend/ex-husband/fiance was a doctor, that I'd find that show a crock of bull.

But there was just something about McDreamy…

Anyway, life was amazing.

And everything was going so smoothly that I barely had time to think about all the time we'd lost, all out of stupidity.

But with the therapy and the support of our families, I'd never felt more in love and safe.

The rehearsal dinner came upon us lightning fast, and I had never been more excited to be getting married. It seemed like such a short time ago that I'd been crying myself to sleep, barely holding on. And now, I was happy, in love, and about to get married to my prince charming—again.

"And so I'd like to propose a toast," Carlisle's speech brought tears to my eyes, and I think even Edward got a little choked up. "to my son and my daughter," he turned to us, eyes bright and shining with pride, "The best of luck to the two of you tomorrow, and may God bless your marriage with happiness and understanding…and may he always find a way to bring the two of you back to each other."

I smiled a watery smile as I raised my glass in the air. "To Edward and Bella," Carlisle announced, and everyone repeated him and clinked their glasses together.

Conversation was easy after that. Edward, it seemed, couldn't stop smiling. He held my hand the whole time, talking animatedly to Emmett beside him. He'd decided to have two best men this time, just as I'd decided to have two best women. Emmett and Jasper were serving as Edward's best men, and Carlisle was a groomsmen.

Rosalie and Alice were my two maids of honor, whilst Angela served as my bridesmaid. She'd blushed profusely when I'd told her she had to dance with Edward's father at the wedding. I think she had a slight crush on him, and I didn't blame her.

The Cullen men were known for their charm.

Jake was acting as our ring-bearer, and while Edward and I both thought it was a cute idea, we knew he wouldn't be able to sit through our whole wedding without barking like crazy.

This time we were having our wedding outside in the Cullen's backyard, considering it was July and Esme's flowers were absolutely beautiful. When Alice had showed me the design I'd been speechless, and when we'd gone over there earlier I'd been blown away.

Twinkle lights shined from every available spot and white cloth was draped around the benches in the pews. It looked like a wonderland.

I'd had tears in my eyes as I'd hugged the most important women in my life, thanking them profusely.

Edward, too, had been blown away, and he'd pretty much been as speechless as myself, but managed to thank them as well.

I couldn't see anything at all that would get in the way of my happiness at the moment. Well, maybe the fact that Edward and I couldn't go home together tonight—Alice's rules—but he promised to text me the whole time, so it wouldn't be that bad.

Boy, was I wrong.

We were all in the parking lot of the hotel we'd rented for tonight, about to say our goodbyes and leave for the night, promising to meet back up in the morning.

Everyone had left save for my family—consisting of my mother, Phil, and my father—and Edward's.

That was when a bright red Ferrari 458 pulled into the lot. I wasn't very concerned, considering a lot of rich people came to this hotel for business meetings and such. Port Angeles wasn't a very posh city, but this hotel was the exception.

But Edward tensed immediately and his arm tightened around my waist. Emmett was saying something to him, but he seemed to have stopped listening.

I heard him mutter, "Oh, God, please not now," under his breath, and I started to get worried.

My back was to the car, and his arm seemed to have a deathlock around my waist, making it impossible for me to turn around.

"Well, well, well," I heard the voice say.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

No way.

I hadn't heard that voice in years, but I'd recognize it anywhere.

It was_ her. _

Edward's face turned furious, and his whole family seemed to tense as we turned to look at her.

Tanya Denali stood in front of Edward and I, her black knee-high boots, stalkings, and a mini-skirt clinging to her body, making her look like a by the hour hooker.

I narrowed my eyes at her immediately.

_Her. _

She was the one. She ruined everything in my life for a very long time. Years I couldn't get back because of this bitch.

So, I guess that was why my verbal filter decided to take a smoke break—or something.

"What the_ fuck_ are _you _doing here?" my voice was venomous, and Edward looked down at me in surprise. Hell, I think I even scared myself.

She took a step back, looking at me as if she just noticed me, but resumed her position—refusing to let me know I'd gotten to her. Too late, bitch.

"I'm here to see Eddie before the big day," she cooed, looking my fiancé up and down appreciatively.

Oh no she _fucking_ didn't.

I didn't think I'd ever wanted to hit someone more in my life. I stepped in front of Edward and he immediately wrapped his arms around my waist, clearly a supportive gesture.

"I don't want to see you, Tanya, so you can just fucking leave. Now. I'm marrying the love of my life tomorrow, and I refuse to let you attempt any more damage than you already tried to."

Her eyes flashed to his, slightly hurt, but she composed herself quickly and the whore was back.

"But Eddie, we used to be best friends. Aren't you going to invite me to this…feeble attempt at saving your relationship?"

I'd had enough.

"Listen here, bitch," I heard her gasp a little under her breath as I stepped forward, only inches away from her. Her heels gave her an advantage in the height category, but only by a few inches. I'd never been lacking in the height department. "You will leave and go back to Alaska where you fucking belong. If you ever, ever, pull a fucking stunt like you did back then, I will not hesitate to find your slutty ass, rip you off whatever guy you happen to be screwing at the time, because let's face it, you're a cunt, and I will make sure that you never, ever can go out in public, let alone show your ugly face at home, ever again. Do you understand me?"

Her mouth opened in a wide O, looking back and forth between myself and Edward. "Eddie! Are you going to let her speak to your old friend like this?"

Edward snorted, stepping forward so that he was in her face as well, over my shoulder. He dropped his voice so no one would be able to hear but the three of us.

"I've never been your friend, Tanya. And it's obvious that you've never been mine. If you ever come back here, Tanya, I will not hesitate to take legal action. What you did was stalking, and it's not going to be tolerated. I've given you your chances. I'm going to count to ten and you better be out of my face, away from my wife, and out of here for good, got it?"

I grinned, and turned around to wrap my arms around him, burying my face in his neck and smirking at Tanya.

She gaped at us. "Eddie!"

"Don't fucking call me that, Tanya," he growled, then looked at his watch sarcastically. "Ten, nine…"

She stamped her foot like the child she is, and adjusted her purse over her shoulder.

"Have a nice life, Edward," she rolled her eyes as she walked back to her car, swaying her hips and ruining any piece of pride she had left.

She got into her car and stepped on the gas, making the tires squeal as she pulled out of the lot. I'd never been more happy to see anyone leave in my entire life.

We all stood in silence for a few moments, seeming to absorb what was happening. Edward still had his arms wrapped around me tightly, and he was whispering words of endearment into my ear.

It wasn't long, though, before Emmett broke the silence.

"Wow, B! That was fucking hot! I wish I wouldda had a video camera because damnn—" I heard a loud smack, and I had a feeling it had come from Rosalie.

I just laughed and buried my face further into Edward's neck, allowing him to rock me back and forth.

Correction: _Now_ everything was great.

* * *

"I now pronounce you, man and wife," Minister Webber—Ang's father—smiled at Edward and I. "You may now kiss your bride."

Edward's smile was blinding, and he tipped me over backwards, making me squeal in delight as his lips met mine. It was passionate, wet, and so completely _us_.

A cough from the audience—that sounded suspiciously like my father—made us part, but we didn't stop smiling at each other.

I'd never felt happier than I did in that moment.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen."

The claps from all our friends and relatives—and about 100 other of our Forks neighbors—sounded around us and I blushed into Edward's shoulder.

He laughed and we slowly made our way to the pews, getting hugged obsessively by everyone along the way.

The ceremony was beautiful and wonderful and everything I'd ever wanted. I'd practically pulled Charlie's arm off in my quest to sprint down the aisle to Edward.

The reception was beautiful, unsurprisingly, and the toasts our family gave had me wiping at my eyes. Thank God Alice had thought of waterproof mascara—she knew me too well.

When Edward and I had our second "first dance" as a married couple, we'd been so lost in each other we hadn't even realized when the song was over. That got quite a few laughs from my mom and the Cullens.

We danced the night away, barely leaving each other's arms. We mingled as much as we could, but nothing really kept us away from each other for too long. We always ended up back in each other's arms.

When the time came for us to leave, my heart was pounding in my chest from nervousness, and all the love Edward and I shared.

We ran through the crowd to the car, and I felt someone pelting us with bird seed a little too hard, and I knew it was Emmett.

We just laughed though, hopping into the convertible and waving goodbye to all our friends and family.

He took my hand in his, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing the back of it.

"How do you feel, Mrs. Cullen?"

I grinned and leant over to peck him. "I feel amazing, Mr. Cullen. I just wish you'd tell me where you're taking me."

He winked at me. "It's a surprise, baby. You'll love it, I promise."

"Edward, I would love a box on the street if you were in it with me."

He laughed, throwing his head back as he drove the car a little too fast. But that was just Edward.

And I'd never loved him more.

* * *

He'd ended up taking me to the Bahamas. We'd gotten off the plane and I'd already felt the humidity sticking to me like it was nobody's business.

My hair automatically went frizzy, but I couldn't have cared less.

The resort we were staying at was amazing, and air-conditioned, so I was absolutely sold. It was completely beautiful, and I told Edward this as we walked along the beach, the moon shining down on us, with our hands clasped tightly together.

"I know something even more beautiful," he turned to me and I giggled. I loved it when he got all sappy and romantic.

"Oh yeah, babe, I don't think our bellhop would appreciate your affections for him. I know he had on some tight jeans but…"

"Bella!" he growled playfully, and before I could even comprehend it he was pushing me down into the sand with him, and I landed on top of him with an "oomph."

We wrestled good-naturedly for a few minutes, but we both got sand in places we'd rather it not be.

We walked back to the resort with his arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders, and I leaned against him.

My nerves reached a crescendo as we walked inside, stripping off our clothes and climbing into the shower together.

I knew I had nothing to be worried about. We'd done this before, plenty of times, and Edward surely didn't disappoint.

I guess it was just because it had been so long…too long, actually.

He washed my body slowly, attentively, taking a longer amount of time on certain areas. I did the same to him, and suffice to say I was surprised we made it out of there with all the making-out we did.

Eventually, we did step out though, wrapping big, white fluffy towels around ourselves.

"Do you need a minute, darling?" he asked curiously, taking a strand of my wet hair between his fingers and wrapping it around them.

That was a no-brainer.

"No, I want to be with you."

I could tell he was pleased with my answer, and he grinned at me blindingly.

"Isabella Marie Cullen, I promise to love you every moment of forever. Thank you so much for being with me."

I sighed as he began placing soft kisses on my neck, and I felt his heart pounding underneath my palms.

He carried me to the bed and we dropped the towels immediately. He took the comforter off the bed and pulled the sheets down, and we both crawled under them, immediately tangling with each other.

We began kissing, very softly at first, then much harder. Our tongues tangled, fighting for dominance, which I immediately granted him. I'm all for women's rights, but I fucking loved when he was in control.

When it became too much he immediately began placing open-mouthed kisses on my neck, licking the skin occasionally and setting it on fire. It wasn't long before his skilled kisses reached my breasts, and he took a nipple into his mouth, sucking on it gently.

I grabbed the back of his head, scratching his scalp the way I knew he loved. He moaned a little, looking up at me as he continued to suckle.

I arched my back, moaning out, unable to help it.

It was like we'd never stopped doing this, as naturally as it came.

He knew exactly what I liked and I knew exactly what he liked. It was perfect.

He traded his lips for his fingers on my breasts as he crawled down my body, lifting up my thigh and placing a kiss right next to where I needed him.

He looked up at me, almost asking for permission, and whatever expression was on my face must have been enough.

I can't exactly describe in detail the senuous way his tongue stroked my folds or how fucking good it felt, because I was in a state of absolute bliss. He took his fingers away from my nipples to sink them into me, and the moan he gave out vibrated on my over-heated skin.

I cried out, begging him to continue.

His fingers curled and searched expertly as he found my spot in no time whatsoever.

He continued sucking me as he rubbed his fingers over it again and again.

"Does that feel good, baby?" he whispered, "Am I making you feel good?"

I could barely form words, let alone a sentence, so I just moaned louder.

I felt my abdomen begin to curl and tighten, and I knew what was coming. I clenched my fingers in his hair and screamed as the orgasm overtook my body, making me shake and tremble.

He came up to hold me in his arms as I rode out the last of it, his fingers still lightly stroking. I whimpered at how sensitive I was now after that, and he immediately pulled away and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

I reached down between us blindly, trying to grab a hold of him, but he grasped onto my wrist.

"Not right now, love. This is just about you. We have plenty of time, _plenty_, for all of that."

I nodded my head blindly, looking up at him with as much love as I could muster. He looked down at me, his eyes shining.

I could feel the evidence of his arousal on my thigh, and I rubbed against him. I wanted him so badly, he had no idea.

He swore loudly and gripped onto my hips, and I knew neither of us could wait any longer.

"I can't promise this is going to be slow, like you deserve, Bella…it's been so fucking long."

"I know, Edward," I whispered, kissing his nose. "It's alright, baby. We have plenty of time for…all of that," I repeated his words and he grinned down at me.

"Tell me if I hurt you, or if you want to stop…"

I just gave him a look, silently telling him to shut the hell up and get inside me already.

We aligned our hips and I felt his tip at my entrance. We both groaned loudly as he pushed forward, and when he was finally all the way in we both gasped.

I held his face in my hands and he held onto my hips. We took one look at each other, moaned out loud, and then he began.

There was no way to describe sex with Edward. It was like everything else he did. It was attentive, loving, and always,_ always_, passionate.

Our hips found a steady rhythm right away. The pleasure was already curling in my stomach, and he was filling me up so deliciously that I knew I wouldn't last very long.

"Oh, fuck, Bella…" he grunted into my shoulder as he picked up the pace, and I moved a few inches up the bed.

"Yes, Edward!" I cried, unable to say anything but his name.

He began pounding relentlessly into me, giving me kisses all over my face.

I could feel the familiar tightening again and I warned him by clenching down on him_, hard_.

He must not have been expecting that because he cried out, collapsing on top of me so that we were chest to chest, skin on skin.

Like that stopped him, though. He thrust his hips up sharply and I screamed into his shoulder, biting it hard.

"Oh, Bella, baby, I love you so goddamn much, baby," I didn't know how he was able to speak, but his breaths were labored and he way kissing me all over my face. "Come on, baby. Cum for me, Bella. Cum for me now, love."

And just like that, I felt the coil snap and I was moaning so loud that I was surprised the earth didn't shake.

As my walls clenched around him, Edward found his release as well, his face scrunching up and he cried out. I'd almost forgotten how beautiful Edward's "cum face" was.

He continued thrusting lazily, letting us ride out our release.

Eventually he came to a stop but he didn't pull out.

He buried his face in my shoulder, and I could feel the wetness there, as well as on my own cheeks.

That was amazing, beautiful, extraordinary.

"I love you so much, Edward," I whispered into his hair.

"I love you too, Bella Cullen," he whispered back. "So fucking much."

* * *

**A/N: These two are SPICY. Finally, FINALLY, they got it on, huh? **

**This is the last chapter before the Epilogue, but I'd say the story's pretty much reached "Fairy Tale Ending" for these two lovebirds, don't ya think? **

**I won't be posting a teaser for the Epilogue, but if you keep checking out my blog consistently, you'll get teasers and even speak peeks of stories that I will be writing in the future. **

**Just type in http(:)/robstenlovestoryrachaelp(.)blogspot(.)com ! **

**You've all been so amazing, so please, please, knock me away with reviews for this one. I'm very happy with it and I hope you are too...**

**Plus they got it on and all... haha**

**I know you are, actually. :D**

**Until next time... I3 you guys. **


	20. EPILOGUE

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and ALL its characters. No harm or copyright intented here. :)**

**A/N. **

**Holy Sugar Plums. **

**Looks like we've made it full circle!**

**I'm not gonna put an A/N at the bottom, because I have a feeling I can say all I need to say up here. **

**You all have been absolutely, positively AMAZING. Readers and Reviewers alike. You will be SORELY missed. **

**As far as any new stories coming up, continue to check my website for updates. That's where the news will be when it comes. :D**

**I love you all. **

**Thanks so much!**

**Au Revior! **

* * *

**EPOV**

"_Daddddaaa!" _the little voice said through the baby monitor.

It was a voice I'd recognize anywhere, anytime. A voice that could melt my heart and then stuff it right back up again.

It was my little baby girl. My little Nessie.

And she was saying the first word she'd ever learned, "Dada"

I was so absolutely ecstatic when I heard that word come out of her mouth that I'd started crying, because yeah, I was so in love with the little girl it wasn't even funny.

She had big brown eyes, just like her mother, but I could already tell she was going to have my hair and my signature smirk.

She'd just turned nine months old yesterday, and she'd already begun crawling around our house like a little monkey, and Bella claimed she'd be walking soon.

Ah, Bella. My beautiful, lovely, wonderful, smart, sexy, amazing wife.

She was all of that and more.

I had a smile on my face as I turned over in our bed to look at her sleeping peacefully.

I wasn't at all surprised to see our three year old son, E.J, sleeping between Bella and I, curled up with his arm around Bella and her arms wrapped tightly around him.

He'd taken a liking to our bed lately, and even though I knew I shouldn't let him do it, I didn't have the heart in me to tell the little guy no.

He was the other apple of my eye, the light of my days. My little boy.

I smiled, remembering when he was Renesmee's age. He was so innocent, looking up at me with those green eyes, his hair a mess. If it wasn't for the little nose he had sitting on his face you'd never know Bella was his mother, he'd gotten all my traits save for that one. But he was a momma's boy.

Big time.

I was brought back by the little frustrated voice on the monitor, sounding fussier by the second. I groaned as I got up, turning off the baby monitor so it would wake Bella and E.J.

I stumbled slightly down the hall, turning and stepping into her room. As usual, Jake was lying by her crib faithfully. He did that with E.J, too, and he switched around every few hours.

Such a good dog.

Little Nessie was waving her tiny arms at me, her face scrunched up and red. She was crying, but I knew it was because she was still sleepy and frustrated.

"Hi, baby girl," I whispered, and as soon as I lifted her out of the crib her little alligator tears stopped. "How's my little girl doing, huh?"

I carried her over to the changing table and made quick work of her diaper, changing it then putting her back into her pajamas.

Renesmee Carlie Cullen's name was Bella's idea—but I thought it was beautiful. It was a mix of both of our mother's, and I couldn't have picked anything more fitting.

E.J, on the other hand, stood for Edward junior, full name Edward Anthony Cullen junior, but Bella and I promised to call him E.J. since we'd both get confused as to which Edward was being spoken to.

Renesmee had been born prematurely, just as E.J. had before her. Both pregnancies had been scary for both Bella and I, because of the miscarriage, but we knew we wanted kids. It didn't take Bella long to get pregnant with E.J, and when he came out seven months later with an emergency C-section, we knew we'd wanted another one.

When Bella was pregnant with Nessie, though, there were so many complications that all the doctors agreed that she would need to be born prematurely as well.

I was a nervous wreck the whole time, but I think that with the strength that we gave each other, and the love we shared for our daughter, finally pulled her through.

Bella had gotten her tubes tied shortly after Renesmee reached the six month point, though, because both Bella and I knew it was too risky to try for another baby.

But we had our little boy and our little girl, and we couldn't be happier. I thanked God every single day for our family.

Nessie was looking up at me with those big, round eyes, sucking on her pacifier as I changed her. I blew raspberries into her stomach and she smiled up at me, her binky falling out as she gave me a gummy smile.

She was so beautiful.

I carried her downstairs to the kitchen, preparing her bottle. Bella had breast-fed up until she was about six months, then she'd had enough of it.

It was harder to wean Nessie than E.J, and those few weeks were filled with screaming and crying. I winced remembering it.

At least she could eat some baby food now, although that, too, had taken a while for her to get used to. Not that I blamed her. Bella's breasts were far more inviting than mushed carrots.

I held her on my hip as I poured the milk into the bottle, handing it to her and then starting on breakfast.

Where E.J. was a little mommy's boy, Nessie was daddy's little girl.

She was practically attached to my hip, screaming when I came home from work and crawling her way over to me as I took my shoes off. It amused Bella to no end.

I didn't even want to think about what would happen when she was a teenager—I wasn't sure I could handle little boys coming around here.

Bella had only laughed when I'd brought this up, though, saying that we had plenty of time before then.

Time.

And plenty of it.

That was one of the most beautiful things about my life.

I was flipping the bacon when I heard the pitter-patter of little feet across the upstairs floor, and I heard my son tearing down the stairs.

He must have smelled the food, because I swear that child inherited Emmett's appetite. I didn't even know if that was possible, but I was at a loss as to any other way. He could eat us out of a house and home, I swear.

"Daddy!" He yelled when he saw me. He ran over to me and wrapped his arms around my legs. I bent down to his level, keeping Nessie balanced on my hip.

"Good morning, kiddo," I ruffled his hair and kissed his forehead. "Where's mommy?"

"I'm here, I'm here," Bella grumped, never having been a morning person.

She tightened her robe around her waist and I'd never seen anyone more beautiful in my life.

I chuckled. "Good morning, love."

"Morning, babe," She mumbled, and E.J. took a seat at the table.

Nessie immediately began squirming in my arms, reaching her little hands out towards Bella and opening and closing her little fists.

"Maa," she fussed around her bottle.

Bella automatically came to my side and I leaned down to kiss her as she took our daughter.

"Breakfast is almost ready," I said, and E.J. began practically salivating at the mouth.

Bella rolled her eyes and took a seat at our table, Nessie bouncing in her lap as I brought over the orange juice.

"Remember, we have to be at your parent's house at four, Edward. Jasper will ream us in the a—" she caught herself, "He'll be very angry if we don't get there on time."

E.J looked at her curiously, but didn't ask any questions.

I chuckled. "I know, baby. I haven't forgotten."

We all ate breakfast together, my son practically taking all the bacon and eggs and smothering them in maple syrup, with a piece of toast.

"Jesus, son," I exclaimed. "If I didn't know any better I'd think you were eating for two!"

Bella chuckled but E.J looked at me curiously. "What that mean?"

"It means that you're eating for two people at one time, honey. Daddy was joking."

He grinned at me and I laughed heartily, leaning over to rumple his hair again.

Nessie immediately began clapping her hands excitedly, giving a cute little baby giggle when she saw me laughing.

I looked across the table at Bella and saw that she had the same expression on her face. We were both beaming at each other.

"You know, baby, I think we make some pretty beautiful kids," I said playfully, winking at her.

She rolled her eyes, but agreed wholeheartedly. "That we did, darling. That we did."

I looked around the table at my beautiful wife adjusting our daughter's bottle in her little mouth, and over to my son who was eating like a small, angry dinosaur, and I knew I'd never seen a sight more beautiful.

My life, it seemed, just kept on getting better and better.

* * *

"I swear, I'm going to smack Emmett the next time I get him somewhere away from the kids…" Bella said, but I knew she was just joking. "Little E just absorbs words like a sponge anymore and Emmett would scream that Jasper was a "big wet pussy" every time he beat him on Guitar Hero!"

I chuckled, but in the back of my mind I had no doubt that my four year old would probably be spouting off "shit" or "asshole" in the next few days because of my bigger, older, oaf of a brother.

"I love that man dearly, but he will be the one the corrupt our son, I swear of it."

I nodded, knowing by now that it was just best to agree with her when she was ranting. I held her close to me and inhaled her scent. She was still such a comfort to me after all this time. I loved her more than the moon and the stars—even though I'd never understood that expression—and time just seemed to strengthen that love.

She snuggled into my chest and wrapped her arms around me.

"Hey, Bella?"

"Yeah, Edward?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, love," she murmured, nuzzling into my chest even further as we snuggled into the blankets.

"How much do you love me?"

This made her pick her head up. "Huh? Why?"

I gave her my best sexy face, wriggling my eyebrows.

She laughed, slapping my chest lightly. "You are a pervert. A dirty, old, smelly, leering pervert, Edward Cullen."

I clutched at my chest. "That hurts! Besides, I'm only a hot-blooded man. What do you expect?"

She grinned and leant up to kiss me. I captured her lips with mine and began deepening it, sucking on her tongue.

She groaned and sat up.

"Fine, Edward, but don't be too loud, alright? I just put Ness down for the night and if she wakes up, she's your problem."

I chuckled and pulled her down onto me. "I'm not even the loud one, baby."

"Yeah, whatever," she chuckled.

When we were finished we lay side by side, panting.

"You've still got it, stud," she giggled.

"Bella! I'm only thirty-five! I've still got a few miles on the old—"

"Stop right there, Mr. Cullen," she giggled, and we got up to put some clothes back on. I wasn't dumb, I knew that my son would sneak his way into our room at some point tonight, and I definitely didn't want to traumatize my child that early in life.

We resumed our cuddling and after she fell asleep I sat staring at her face in the darkness. She was, without a doubt, my reason for existing. I had two other reasons just down the hall, but Bella was my first.

She was my wife. My lover. My amigo. My love.

My best friend.

"I love you so much," I whispered into the darkness, kissing her forehead softly.

I laid my head down and felt myself drifting into a deep and dreamless sleep.

But not before I heard the door open quietly, and little steps patter over to the bed. It shifted, and my son's face came into view.

"Hey, buddy," I whispered softly, trying not to wake Bella.

Too late. He jumped about a foot in the air, not used to being caught. I would have laughed if he hadn't have looked so terrified.

"E.J?" Bella whispered.

"I'm scared of monsters," he whispered in explanation.

I just smiled at him and pulled him under the covers with us, listening to my daughter's soft breathing through the baby monitor.

"I love you," I whispered into the night.

Those three words had ever been so true.


End file.
